What can a narcissistic person do to stop being narcissistic?

Tips and strategies to weaken the tendency to narcissism.

People with a tendency to narcissism often suffer from emotional instability and relationship crises.

But luckily, there is no psychological trait that must necessarily remain at the core of someone's personality, especially if it causes problems. That is why, in this article we will a review of several tips to stop being markedly narcissistic..

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a psychological phenomenon that can take the form of a personality trait or of a psychopathological alterationin some extreme cases.

To a greater or lesser extent, we all have a certain degree of narcissism that manifests itself through our actions when interacting with our environment and with others; however, some people have such a tendency to narcissism that it causes problems, and in such cases it is possible to diagnose a psychological disorder, as we shall see.

That is, although narcissism can be measured quantitatively (it is possible to see to what degree someone is narcissistic), it can also be studied from a qualitative point of view, seeing if it becomes so intense that it constitutes a disorder, a clinical entity that appears in the diagnostic manuals of psychiatry and clinical psychology.

Now then... what exactly characterizes people with highly developed narcissism? Narcissism is a tendency to cultivate an idealized self-concept that, in order to be maintained, must be nurtured by the constant admiration and validation of others.

Thus, narcissism has to do with attempts to convince ourselves that we are someone of great importance, of extraordinarily positive qualities.We are someone of extraordinarily positive qualities, an exceptional individual in a good way. This idea that we are someone "special" makes us expect that the attitude of others towards us corresponds to the idea that we are someone interesting, with the capacity to seduce others either by our academic or professional merits, by our charisma, etc.

But although it may seem paradoxical, this tendency to maintain an "inflated" self-concept is a source of insecurities, and it is common for very narcissistic people to suffer from a very unstable self-esteem. Narcissism can predispose us to extreme shyness, for example, since the possibility of experiencing rejection by others is very disturbing and generates an intense fear that leads to avoidance. It can also predispose us to the opposite, to maintain an intense social life in order to maintain a circle of friends and acquaintances that provide us with constant validation..

In any case, narcissism fosters dynamics of dependence and low tolerance to rejection and failure, which, as we have already mentioned, can be problematic.

Narcissistic personality disorder

Pathological narcissism is known as narcissistic personality disorder.. This psychopathology is expressed through symptoms such as the following:

• Unrealistic and overly optimistic expectations about the deference with which others should treat us.
• The person feeds fantasies about his positive qualities, to maintain an inflated self-concept.
• He/she feels a lot of frustration when he/she is treated "normally" or unfavorably by others.
• He needs to feel the admiration of others very often.

In the face of pathological narcissism, it is important to seek professional psychotherapeutic help..

What can be done to weaken the tendency to narcissism?

The most effective way to curb the tendency to narcissism is to go to psychotherapy (and, in the case of pathological narcissism, all solutions involve professional psychological help). But in general, the following guidelines can help in cases of moderate narcissism.

1. Develop tolerance for one's own imperfections.

This takes time and effort, but it is important to do it. It consists of exposing ourselves to what we interpret as our imperfections (psychological or physical) without trying to avoid those images or thoughts, in a situation in which we can more or less control the time and degree of exposure..

For example, standing in front of a mirror and focusing our gaze on the wrinkles in our skin, or closing our eyes and remembering a situation in which we made a fool of ourselves. The idea is to keep our attention fixed on those experiences and perceive them from acceptance, limiting ourselves to recognize the objective facts, without judging them as good or bad. From this node, you will have a more nuanced and compensated vision of yourself.

2. Detect validation-seeking behaviors.

Try to detect typical behavior patterns in you in which you recognize a search for validation. (e.g., always keep a steady stream of flattering selfies on your social networks because you would feel bad if you didn't). To do this, it is recommended that you use a personal journal.

After a few weeks, you will have become familiar with many of these habitual behaviors that you do almost without realizing it, and you can try to let go of them little by little, if only so that you learn to be able to do without them.

3. Prioritize honesty in relationships

To be less narcissistic, it is important to face the fear of rejection and to approach personal relationships by giving more importance to honesty on both sides..

You must be able to express your insecurities, and you must also be able to listen to criticism or even negative opinions about yourself. It is normal that sometimes this makes us feel very bad, but this should not always be the norm.

4. Establish a scale of objectives in what you are interested in achieving.

Many people installed in narcissism see everything in black and white: either something is a success or it is a failure. Stop to to break down your goals and objectives letting them unfold in different degrees of achievements to be reached.

5. Mentalize the importance of asking for help

In the face of certain experiences and emotional disturbances, you should ask for help. Sometimes to friends and family, and in the most severe cases, also to mental health professionals. This is not a bad thing, and in fact, taking this into account makes you a more resilient and self-regulating person..

As a routine, close your eyes for a couple of minutes and imagine yourself asking for help and getting it not in a humiliating way, but in a humane way on both sides: you feel bad and the other person gets involved in your case because he/she empathizes with you.

Looking for psychotherapy services?

If you are thinking of starting a psychotherapy process to improve the ways in which you relate to others and to yourself, please contact us.

At Psicotools we work with the most effective psychotherapy techniques adapted to the characteristics and problems of each person, attending patients of all ages. You can find us in our center located in Barcelona (in the district of Gràcia), and you can also opt for online therapy via video call.