Assertive communication: how to express yourself in a clear manner

This communication style is perfect to defend our interests while respecting others.

Nowadays, there is a lot of appeal to communication techniques, a tool that is necessary for the development of society, of human beings as sociable beings who need to interrelate in order to survive. Assertive communication is one of the main protagonists for this to happen..

Ideology, creed, religion or any kind of opinion can be contrary depending on who our interlocutor is, the group we belong to or the social class we belong to. Even within our identity group we may have differences of thought. This is where assertiveness comes in.

Characteristics of assertive communication

We must begin by first defining the concept of assertive communication in order to understand its nature. To begin with, assertiveness is the people have who can say things frankly, directly and clearly about what we think or want to say. about what we think or want to say.

All this, of course, avoiding hurting the feelings feelings of the interlocutor or the audience, being polite and not belittling the idea of others. This is why the implementation of assertive communication is so complicated. We all get offended when the other thinks or tells us something that goes against our integrity or thinking. In many occasions, it is the basis of any conflict, be it family or friendship, as well as in the professional field.

In short, assertive communication is the ability of human beings to communicate while respecting others, taking into account verbal skills (debate/discussion), non-verbal language (gestures/expressions) and attitude (respect). Above all, we must respect the rest if we want to earn the same attitude.

How to improve assertive communication, in 8 steps.

Some people have a more or less assertive way of communicating, however, it is not an innate quality. The personality of each person will make us assertive to a greater or lesser degree. Therefore, here are some steps to improve this skill.

1. Evaluation

We have to identify our oral capacity, our style. How do we debate or argue? As in any kind of solution, we must identify the problem. What prevents us from being more assertive? The language we use is very important. An aggressive style reduces the other person's complicity. A passive attitude makes us lose ground in asserting our ideas.

2. Learning to listen

This is one of the main requirements for perfecting our communication methods. First of all, learn to listen to others, let them present their ideas and do not interrupt them, maintain eye contact and try to be expressive.. All these steps are essential to gain the receiver's trust.

3. Speaking in the first person

The most common mistake. You should not question the other person by showing that he/she is in error, making him/her see that he/she is wrong with those ideas that you do not share. Use the "I" as the vehicle for your presentation. Example: "I believe this is so" and not "you are wrong". This little trick avoids offense or a feeling of accusation.

4. Know how to say "no".

You have to know how to oppose an idea or conviction by simply saying no. This without feeling guilty, without making the other person see that we are denying his ideas. This without having to feel guilty, without making the other person see that we are denying his ideas. It is simply a way of reaffirming our point of view.. Believe it or not, the wrong way to use denial often leads to destructive discussions.

5. Look for common ground

There is always common ground, no matter how much one position or idea is confronted with the other, there are always elements that can lead us to converge. To look for common ground is a way of negotiation, of being able to get something positive out of it, avoiding extreme positions. In short, generating a win-win situation. Neither losers nor losers.

6. Body language

Assertive communication does not have to be exclusive to the use of words or oratory. Body language can play an important role that many people ignore. Posture, eye contact, hand gestures, smiles, etc., can be a kind and empathetic touch with the other person.can be a kind and empathetic touch with the other person.

7. Emotional control

This does not mean that we hide our emotions or expressions.. We simply have to avoid showing them in excess. For example, anger is very difficult to contain when we get angry in a discussion or debate, when we are disrespected. We must know how to deal with these situations, and then we will have much to gain. Nor should we laugh at the other, it shows contempt.

8. To deal with criticisms

The definitive element to be a good communicator. It is related to the previous point, and often, as human beings, we tend not to accept criticism well, we tend not to accept well the criticisms that come to us from others..

It is inevitable, but not impossible. When we are criticized, we must know how to accept it, self-criticism makes us gain confidence and respect with others.