Ghosting or cutting your losses

Imagine that you have met someone who has caught your attention somewhere you frequent, imagine that you have agreed to see each other again and that you decide to stay. Finally, imagine that in the middle of the conversation the person in question begins to act as if you have ceased to exist. Suddenly, stop looking into your eyes, stop answering your questions, and completely interrupt all interaction with you. In other words, the person acts like you are a ghost, an invisible and intangible spectrum that has disappeared for your perception.

What is ghosting?

Ghosting is an English term that could be literally translated as "ghosting" or the action of turning into a ghost and refers to the fact of cut off interaction with someone Without giving any explanation, literally disappear from your life. According to Psychology Today magazine, 50% of men and women in the United States have suffered from this situation at some point in their life and the same percentage of people have made someone suffer from this situation at some point.

Why is it so frequent in virtual communication?

Ghosting is a common phenomenon in virtual interaction, very typical of social networks that aim to meet like-minded people with whom one can eventually.

It can occur for different reasons, the common denominator is that it is an easy way to get rid of some kind of discomfort or discomfort produced in the framework of a new relationship without taking into account the feelings of the other.

Those who ghosting frequently are people with certain difficulties connecting with their own emotions, as well as to put themselves in the shoes of another. We could say that there is some degree of immaturity in the way they bond. However, the specific use of ghosting is a widespread practice that could be attributed in part to the liquid, fleeting and massive nature of the new ways of meeting people own of our era.

Disappearing is virtually easier

What would your reaction be if that happened? Surely at first you would feel bewildermentPerhaps it would seem strange to you and you would begin to try to understand what is happening. Generally the reaction would be to catch the person's attention again, you would wonder if the problem is with her, or if you have it, you would speak, shout and make movements in front of her like Patrick Swayze in Ghost, to be seen again. Perhaps, your efforts would be vague at first and would be loaded with agitation and anguish, before the passivity of your interlocutor, finally throw in the towel and end up leaving the place in dismay. Perhaps, the situation that we have just raised seems implausible. In a meeting face to face is quite unlikely If this happens, even if on a first date things do not go well and one of the two decides that the meeting is over, the best thing is to give an explanation, an apology or even, in the worst case, an excuse invented. However, when virtual communication predominates and we are not exposed to the gaze of our interlocutor, the thing changes. It is enough to not answer the phone, block the person in question on WhatsApp or simply delete us from the social network that maintains the link.

Consequences of ghosting

Ghosting hurts. Some have used the expression "emotional cruelty" to refer to this phenomenon and we can explain why. As social beings that we are we need links stable and safe so that a feeling of well-being and good

In contrast, the experiences of rejection by another human being generate in us a feeling of insecurity, anguish and a decrease in self-esteem that is experienced painfully. This is due in part to the fact that the experience of being rejected activates brain areas that are also activated when we experience physical pain, therefore, it is about a traumatic experience. The degree of affectation will depend a lot on our level of self-esteem and security. It has been seen that people with good emotional stability, a sufficiently high level of self-esteem and a certain number of significant relationships tolerate it better, however, people with a more unstable experience of themselves may suffer more.

It should be said that repetitive exposure to ghosting situations can be re-traumatic and it can lead to desensitization as a defense. This fact can make us more prone to ghosting other people. Therefore, we will say that it is very important, for the preservation of good emotional health, not to normalize it.

How to get over a ghosting experience?

The most important thing if we have suffered ghosting is to bear in mind that this act does not question or give information about anything that has to do with us, or our way of being, or who we are. On the contrary, it informs us that our interlocutor has not been able to express something that caused him discomfort and, of course, has had serious difficulties understanding the consequences of their actions In us. It is as if ghosting sent us a message saying: "I am unable or do not have what it takes to establish a mature link with you." That said, it is important to allow yourself a time of mourning, maintain integrity, reflect on the importance of respect and understanding between human beings so as not to become insensitive or normalize it and let the person go in peace.

• The term ghosting refers to the fact that cut to the chase interacting with someone without giving any explanation, literally disappearing from your life.
• It can occur for different reasons, the common denominator is that it is an easy way to get rid of some kind of discomfort or discomfort produced within the framework of a new relationship without taking into account the feelings of the other.
• If we have suffered ghosting, we should not think that it has to do with us, but rather informs us that our interlocutor has not been able to express something that caused him discomfort and, of course, has had serious difficulties understanding the consequences of their actions In us.

Enric Artés Specialist in Clinical Psychology