I get nervous when talking: what happens to me and how to solve it?

Nerves when talking face-to-face with someone are very common and worry many people. What to do?

Communication may be one of the fundamental aspects of human relationships, but that doesn't mean that engaging in real-time, face-to-face conversations isn't complicated. There are many elements at play in every such dialogue, and sometimes the feeling of not being in control of what's going on can lead to anxiety.

That's why many people wonder.... Why do I get nervous when I talk? How can I make this stop being a problem when relating to others?

Although (obviously) simply reading an article will not solve the problem, in the following lines we will review the usual causes of this problem and how to what can be done so that this anxiety is weakened until it almost disappears..

I get nervous when talking to someone: why does it happen to me?

Each person is a world, and our lives are always different from those of others, but despite that we can find some common factors that tend to occur in most cases in which this problem appears. They are the following.

1. Attraction to the person we are talking to

This is one of the most common reasons behind this nervousness when talking to someone. The fact that we are romantically or sexually interested in someone keeps us in a constant state of alert. keeps us in a state of constant alertness to try to please, although paradoxically this canThis can paradoxically have the opposite effect if it reaches a very extreme point.

2. Imposter Syndrome

This cause is especially prevalent in professional or academic contexts. It consists of the feeling of concern that someone might discover that we are not up to we are not up to what would be demanded in the social circle in which we are.. For example, if a professional starts working in a company where he/she believes that everyone is more skilled than he/she is, he/she will be worried about the possibility that in a conversation his/her supposed mediocrity will be revealed.

3. Fear of speaking in public

This is a very common occurrence and happens to a greater or lesser extent to virtually everyone who is not used to speaking in front of large audiences, such as at a university lecture or conference.

As we are aware that there are many people focusing their attention on us, we try to control practically everything we do, and as this is impossible, anxiety appears. Even the anticipation of this produces anxiety before going out to speak.. However, it must be clear that this form of stress has a different nature than that generated when dialoguing with someone in a two-way exchange of words.

4. Shyness

We must not forget that this psychological phenomenon linked to personality also has an important effect on what we experience when conversing with someone. Shy people are afraid of the possibility of being negatively evaluated by others, and this simple concern by others, and this simple concern makes them overestimate the chances of this happening, which generates discomfort from the first words exchanged.

5. Introversion

It is also common for introverted people to become nervous when speaking, since they find it difficult to manage their attention so that it is focused on what is happening around them, instead of focusing on their thoughts. As a result, they feel at a disadvantage compared to others, and it is common for them to notice that everything in dialogues goes too fast.

What to do to eliminate this anxiety?

It is true that depending on what is the cause for which someone feels nervous when talking to others will require a different approach to the situation, but broadly speaking, we can summarize most of the answers to this problem in three tips.

1. Work on self-esteem

In many cases, what best explains this discomfort when conversing with others has to do with having low self-esteem. This feeling of not being good enough may vary depending on the situation; for example, someone who generally has good social skills may feel nervous about talking to someone who seems very intelligent if he or she thinks that he or she is not intelligent at all.

Working on self-esteem is something complex that sometimes requires help from psychologists, but in general it translates into adopting a realistic and detached perspective that allows us to relativize the importance of what others think about us, on the one hand, and teaches us to pay more attention to what we are good at, on the other.

2. Improve yourself.

Do things that show you how you are capable of progressing in a particular skill or area of knowledge. For example, if you think you are the least cultured person in your environment, use those nerves as a driving force to improve in that regard and have nothing to worry about in a reasonable way.

Still, keep in mind that even if you improve, you will probably maintain a pessimistic bias about your own abilities, unless you fight it as well.

3. Expose yourself to discomfort

Subjecting yourself to reflection on who you are and what you are capable of will not be enough to stop you feeling nervous about talking to others. You must go beyond introspectiongo hands-on and expose yourself to moderately anxiogenic conversations to gradually lose your fear of face-to-face dialogue.

Conclusion

As we have seen, when faced with the question "why do I get nervous when I talk?" we must assume that whatever the cause, we must make an effort to lose that fear, stop for uncomfortable situations and do it as intensively as possible so as not to throw in the towel and see progress quickly.

Bibliographical references:

• Barlow DH (November 2000). "Unraveling the mysteries of anxiety and its disorders from the perspective of emotion theory". The American Psychologist. 55 (11): 1247–63.
• Iruarrizaga et al. «Reducción de la ansiedad a través del entrenamiento en habilidades sociales»