Pickup techniques: what works and what doesn’t

A review of the most effective seduction techniques, depending on whether they apply to men or women.

The techniques for flirting are an increasingly widespread claim in today's literature in today's literature, in which psychology has a lot to say.

However, not everything that has been published on this complex subject is useful or based on scientific criteria, beyond the inventiveness of some daring author, as is the case with the widespread suggestion of combining praise with a veiled criticism of the type: "what a beautiful dress you are wearing, I have seen it on many women". Of course, this is a good way to be remembered, but we must be careful not to achieve this by having a negative impact on the other person.

Since there are there are differences in the dynamics of desire between men and womenIn this article, we will start talking about those flirting techniques that are different for one and the other, to finish talking about what aspects are common in both cases.

Gender differences in flirting techniques.

These are the aspects in which both sexes differ from each other when it comes to attraction.

1. Showing interest and generating doubt

The prototype of love choice in the case of men is more referred to the object itself (to the qualities or physique), what in psychology we call object love choice, while women make a narcissistic choice, ie, they are more concerned with how much they desire them than with what their object of desire is like.. This is why women need to hear more often that they are loved during a couple's relationship.

Therefore, a useful resource is the man's direct expression of how much interest the woman generates in him. However, in the first moments of flirting, generating doubt as to whether or not the man is interested in them is effective (according to a study published by the University of Virginia and Harvard).

2. The smile

Men prefer smiling women, but women are not so positively influenced by this quality (according to a study published at Columbia University), but rather by signs of distress, timidity, and a lack of confidence. by signs of distress, shyness and a man's lowered gaze, on an ad hoc basis.in an ad hoc manner.

3. Listening

Although we all like to feel listened to and this ability is valued in a generic way (not only in intimate relationships but in any social bond), it must be taken into account that women talk more than men, a fact verified by the University of Maryland in which they found that women have a higher percentage in the brain of the protein responsible for language, and have a greater need to communicate verbally. Thus, a man who knows how to listen is more likely to attract the female sex, while this characteristic is less valued by men.

4. Intelligence

Again, it is attractive to both sexes, but with a twist. Unfortunately, an excess of intelligence in the case of women can be intimidating to men, as a published study reveals.as revealed in a study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

5. Sense of humor

A sense of humor is a desirable aspect for both sexes but with a difference: according to a study conducted by Eric Bressler, women notice more men who make them laugh while men value more women who laugh at their jokes. women who laugh at their jokes are more appreciated by men..

Commonalities between men and women

Here's what both sexes share when it comes to flirting techniques.

1. Smells

We know that we are conditioned by the Halo Effect, ie, the first impression is often important in terms of the subsequent evaluation we make of someone. Although we cannot modify our physical qualities, we do have a resource to "manipulate" how they are perceived by others to be more attractive: the smell.

In fact, we process olfactory stimuli in a brain region that also receives visual information, so that one intervenes in the processing of the other. Cosmetic companies are well aware of the effect that smells have on us and make their perfumes with pheromones to attract the opposite sex.

2. Eye-mouth triangle

Another trick is to look at the eyes-mouth triangle while maintaining the conversation to awaken the sexual desire of the interlocutor, which also works as an indicator of desire of the other (not so when only looking at the eyes).

3. Repeating the name

Human beings are narcissistic by nature (and I am not referring to the pejorative nature of the colloquial term, but to the psychological concept), because of this need to feel valued and recognized. That is why we like to hear our name pronounced in the mouths of others. Therefore, repeating the name of the person we are addressing and trying to seduce is a powerful bond strengthener.

4. The group effect

Although we tend to seek intimacy when we want to gain someone's interest, the first contacts should be made in a group rather than alone, it is preferable to have the first contacts in a group rather than alone.. According to research conducted by psychologist Drew Walker, we are more attractive when we are in a group than in isolation, since common traits are more desirable than rare ones.

5. Analysis of non-verbal language

By knowing how nonverbal language is interpreted, we can know both how receptive the other person is to our postures and how we need to express ourselves in order to convey interest. For example, refraining from crossing your ankles or arms during courtship since this gesture denotes doubt in the first case and rejection in the second.

Another common mistake is to look at the position of the head during the conversation, when what really gives us a reference of the interest that others have is that the posture of the torso and legs are directed to us.

A well-known gesture popularly associated with women is that of touching their hair. More than a sign of interest for them (which also), it is a resource for them, since it works as a powerful catcher of the attention of a man that the woman touches herself discreetly.

The techniques for flirting are not infallible

That said, do not lose sight of the fact that although scientific research, the study of the mind and the analysis of our body has shed light on some aspects to take into account when flirting, these indications cannot be taken as a dogma since there are many exceptions to the rules.

The art of seduction is something very personal, where naturalness and simplicity where naturalness and simplicity are the real keys to success.