Siblings and jealousy

Good coexistence between siblings is an issue that worries parents who are expecting a child and already have others.

Sibling rivalry and jealousy are not exclusive to the first months of living together from the birth of the baby, they can accompany a lifetime.

The arrival of a baby is an exciting time for the family, but older siblings can have mixed feelings; You can go from overflowing joy at the arrival of a new sibling to fear of being relegated to second place or anger at having to share parents. When siblings grow jealousy is not only present from the older brother to the little one, but the youngest can also feel jealous of the older siblings.

You have to understand that the arrival of a new baby is a difficult time for the rest of the siblings, you must act with patience and understanding the feelings of the older brother. Obviously, the sibling's communication skills and emotional resources are limited, and manifestations of anger and irritability are normal with minimal setbacks.

The child should be informed that she is going to have a baby brother when the mother is pregnant. It is obvious that the child is going to perceive changes in the mother and changes in attitudes towards him (for example, that in the last trimester of pregnancy he is no longer held so much in her arms); For this reason, you have to explain in a natural and simple way that you are going to have a brother. We must make it clear that we will love it the same. It is recommended that you continue the pregnancy and that you live the delivery with the least possible anguish, informing you in a simple way that the mother and the baby are fine.

When the baby is at home, it is recommended that the older siblings help with their care, making them protagonists of the daily routines with the baby and promoting contact and knowledge between them. Participation in caregiving can minimize feelings of rivalry from older siblings. It is normal for feelings of tenderness, protection, fear and jealousy to mix. You have to accept that they are natural and completely normal feelings. At some point there may be aggressive impulses against the little brother, especially in older brothers of about two or three years. This is the result of impulsiveness and lack of control of their emotions. It is also frequent that the number of tantrums increase and the regression in previously well-established behaviors: to pee again, wanting to be fed….

Above all, parents must put themselves in the place of the older child, be empathetic and understand their feelings. It is not easy to share the time and affection of parents and other relatives with a baby who continually demands attention.

The arrival of a baby should not be the time to "make older", suddenly, the brother. The removal of the pacifier, going to the nursery, the change of bed or the removal of the diaper should not coincide with the birth of the child. These small milestones in the maturation of the child should be planned before or after the baby is born. It is not convenient to force the development process of the older brother due to family organization needs.

Jealousy can intensify when the little brother reaches one year of age: he can move, he says a word, it's funny… Also, the little one takes the older's toys and invades his land.

To minimize jealousy between siblings, parents play a leading role. You have to say positive comments or praise from both brothers equally, they should feel loved for who they are and valued each for their qualities, without comparisons. It can be very useful to dedicate exclusive time for each child throughout the day (for example, a bedtime story). The siblings must perceive that the attention is not focused on a single sibling but rather is distributed. You have to encourage play between siblings so that they get to know each other and interact in a positive way.

The bond between them should be strengthened, so that as they grow up they can enjoy each other's company.