The 3 stages of falling out of love and their psychological consequences

The process that leads to the breakup of a couple goes through characteristic phases. How to face them?

Are you feeling the pain of an emotional breakup? It is very likely that at this time you feel an emptiness, which can lead to longing and melancholy. After a breakup, there is a grieving process that is part of the therapeutic experience. How would you define your situation?

There are different circumstances that can accompany a breakup. For example, it is not the same thing for a person to feel abandoned by his or her partner against his or her own personal wishes, as it is for this to be a mutually agreed decision. In other cases, the breakup comes even after having fought for a last chance in couples therapy. But, in general, there are a number of stages of falling out of love that explain what is being felt during the process.

The main stages of falling out of love

The disaffection develops as time goes by and both the expectations about what the future holds for us (in singleness or hand in hand with another person) and our way of interpreting what happened in our relationship with the person we loved change.

In this sense, it is worth mentioning the following phases of heartbreak.

1. The first emotional wound caused by falling out of love

At first, the breakup brings with it the psychological impact. Even in cases where there were already signs that the relationship was not on the right track, the definitive end produces an impact because it highlights the reality of the goodbye.

This hard blow causes a feeling similar to vertigo to arise: the lack of references about what we will do without that person makes everything around us seem to wobble and we find it hard to find something to hold on to in order to find certainty. Certainty about what is good for us, what we can expect from the future, what we should do from a moral point of view, etc.

This is a very unpleasant feeling that prevents us from even focusing our minds on the practical inconveniences of no longer having a possible love relationship with that person. Our attention is focused rather on the existential implications of knowing that we have been cut off from that loving relationship that we had hoped for and that generated illusion in us.

2. Emotional ambivalence towards the relationship left behind

At this stage, the affected person also feels vital disorientation due to a chapter of his or her life that is closing and a new cycle that has yet to be written..

On the one hand, the person sees with nostalgia that feeling of falling in love and the possible good times lived with that person, idealizing that past from a tragic reading of what has happened. But on the other hand, there is the desire to break definitively with the memories and referents that anchor us to that relationship, so that we stop measuring the past.We no longer measure what makes us happy in relation to the standards and expectations set with that loving bond that is no longer part of our daily lives.

For example, it can be hard to go from appreciating life as a couple or even considering it the only way to be us, to considering it a part of our identity as single people once we have fallen out of love and broken up.

In the face of this duality of past and future, it is possible to experience contradictory feelings of longing for what was left behind and curiosity for this new future horizon. The person may even feel angry about what happened, an anger that is a form of denial of reality itself.

However, grief is overcome when the protagonist assumes his or her own responsibility for what happened and accepts the story as it was. In fact, in a breakup there is always responsibility on both sides, don't you think?

3. The importance of the first year after the breakup

The first year after the breakup of a stable relationship is especially significant, because it is on this date when nostalgic days such as the couple's anniversary, birthdays or Christmas parties are celebrated.

Beyond this first year, when the sadness even affects the quality of life of the person concerned, pathological grief can occur, which shows a form of unhealthy sadness. That is, the sadness you experience in a heartbreak is a natural feeling, however, it is important not to dramatize this pain.

Put into practice the psychology of taking care of your mental hygiene at this time. The sadness of heartbreak can lead to depression when the person is positioned in this situation as a victim.

Those people who associate the idea of happiness with the fact of being in a couple can suffer in an irrational way in front of this situation. suffer in an irrational way in the face of loneliness.. If this is your case, it is very important that you reflect on your own personal beliefs so as not to prolong ideas that limit you in your personal development. There are many different paths to happiness. Therefore, do not let yourself be limited by social labels.

How to get over a breakup?

If you are living a breakup, it is very important to that you strengthen your resilience personal to find support with which to cope with this emotional pain. For example, friendship is therapeutic because it brings company and comfort to heal the wounds of the heart. Overcoming heartbreak does not mean forgetting the past, but integrating yesterday in a positive way into your own biography.

For example, you can say goodbye to your ex with respect and gratitude for the time you shared together, but knowing that this is not a good time to be friends. Distance is healthy for your feelings to evolve. But, in addition, this real distance allows you to assimilate the personal change that this breakup has produced in your life.

For this reason, it is advisable to avoid even contact through social networks. This is a good time to reconnect with yourself, to enjoy your own company, while enjoying simple and relaxing activities such as reading, movies, cooking or any activity that you like and helps you to distract your mind.

Practicing sports is also a health routine to overcome the negative thinking that so often produces the lack of love, through the vitality and energy that activates your mind and your Heart thanks to physical exercise. Walking every day for half an hour is an incentive of well-being to heal the wounds of heartbreak through an activity that raises self-knowledge. Cheer up!

Positive attitude in the face of heartbreak

Your attitude is more important than external circumstances. You can find a constructive meaning to a heartbreak if you can focus on a present goal that excites you. For example, your professional development can be an encouragement for you, if you find at this time a good opportunity to boost your career.

If you need help after the breakup, you can also do online therapy. That is, an online psychologist can help you to enhance introspection at this time.