Why does a woman forgive a man who mistreats her?

This psychological phenomenon may seem strange or irrational, but there is a logic behind it.

¿How can it be that many battered women forgive their abuser over and over again? over and over again? This question has multiple answers, most of them well studied in psychology, sociology and other disciplines.

The reason is deeply linked to the education received by women throughout history, the secondary role imposed by society over the years and the shadow of this behavior "marked in the cultural DNA". But there are also some reasons closely linked to behavioral learning, which have a clear and evident cognitive explanation.

Battered women who forgive: learned helplessness

Today, in order to understand a little better the reasons for certain behaviors carried out by women behavior carried out by women victims of male abuse, we are going to explain one of the many reasons why a woman may not respond to a situation of abuse, as most of us think we would do.We are going to explain one of the many reasons why a woman may not respond to a situation of abuse, as most of us think we would do. We are talking about Learned Helplessness.

Learned helplessness in a battered woman is nothing more than an alteration in the cognitive function of the woman that generates passive behavior in the face of a series of events that she perceives as uncontrollable..

This makes it very difficult for the battered woman to find optimal ways to end a violent relationship, mainly because her cognitive attention function is focused on staying alive.

A person learns not to fight back when he or she reliably believes that fighting against the abusive situation will not stop the other's aggressions. Therefore, the woman stops trying to stop the situation and unconsciously creates coping strategies to live "safely" within the abusive situation.

When a woman suffers from learned helplessness, her behavior is based on reducing the pain, but not the Pain itself, her behavior is based on decreasing the pain, but not on stopping the aggressions, because she feels that the cause of the aggression is her own.Because she feels that the cause of the events are totally outside her control, and since she can do nothing to stop the situation, she simply waits for it to happen.

The role of attribution style

One of the risk factors for learned helplessness is attributional styles. These determine the way in which we tend to explain the different things that happen around us. around us. Generally, people with a positive attributional style tend to appreciate the environment as predictable or controllable. This feeling of control makes us maintain our level of self-esteem.

However, people with learned helplessness, as we have mentioned, have a negative attributional style, have a negative attributional styleThey perceive the situations around them as unpredictable and uncontrollable, thus undervaluing their self-esteem.

People in this situation underestimate the degree of control they really have.

Emotional repercussions

On the other hand, the consequences of learned helplessness include, among others, the following negative emotional states that are characterized by high levels of anxiety, depression, frustrationThe consequences of learned helplessness include high levels of anxiety, frustration, lack of confidence in their abilities, lack of initiative, lack of motivation, negativity, social isolation, etc.

A woman (and a man) never and under no circumstances likes to be subjected to a situation of mistreatment.. This premise is evident and must prevail over any value judgment we may make, no matter how incomprehensible the situation may seem to us. There is always a reason for living in such a toxic relationship.