5 common mistakes that affect people’s psychological well-being.

Several traps into which we habitually fall and which affect us through psychological wear and tear.

No one likes to experience displeasure, suffering and difficulties; even less so when such discomfort comes exclusively from the interpretation we draw from the events we face on a daily basis. There are small habits that we fall into without realizing it and that, in practice, have a negative effect on our levels of well-being, negatively affect our levels of well-being..

Mistakes when it comes to interpreting life.

¿What errors do we usually commit in the interpretation of this type of situations that generate us discomfort? that generate discomfort to us?

External attributions: Responsibility vs. Victimhood. Blaming someone else or something else for my misfortunes.

One of the most controversial aspects in the development of people's wellbeing and probably the first step that needs to be taken to achieve it consists of awareness of the role that each person plays in his or her own suffering.. If I do not consider myself guilty of it, I usually experience the relief of that guilt, which translates into a dangerous innocence. Dangerous because, if I am not able to understand my responsibility in the interpretations we make of our sufferings, I will continue to experience them, even if I attribute responsibility (not blame) to others.

When we assume responsibility, we understand that there may be a factor beyond our control that does indeed contribute to our experience of discomfort; but we also understand that part of that experience is how I deal with the situation, not just the situation itself. It is at that moment when I focus on what it is up to me to change when I really start to make it happen. What does not depend on me does not deserve my attention, because no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, I will probably never be able to change it.

2. Attention management: "on time" vs "off time" awareness.

According to English speakers, there is a way of calling thoughts by classifying them into two categories.

When they refer to things that are not happening at that precise moment (painful memories, imaginations, anxieties or worries) they are related to an "off time management of our attention". Everything that has already happened or is about to happen, that generates states of suffering and does not contribute anything else, are manifestations of a dysfunctional style of thinking, in contrast to "on time" management, based on the present.

In these times there is a great popular curiosity for practices such as meditation or modern mindfulness, which fundamentally promote the intentional use of attention, directed towards the present moment, or "On time" style of attention, which refers to directing all our resources towards the present situation.

When we immerse ourselves in a task, entertain ourselves or have fun doing something, there is no room to go back or travel to some uncertain negative future.

3. Goals based on self-demand: I have vs I want to

Sometimes, the people who experience the most discomfort are people who consider themselves highly ambitious and set goals based on the need to achieve the highest levels of performance, turning any kind of mistake, no matter how small, into a kind of universal catastrophe. Such people are considered highly demandingThey consider that this is the only possible way to reach the highest goals and often become frustrated and lose their personal confidence due to their intolerance to error.

The big step in this path is to understand that there are other ways to walk. That not everything can be achievedMuch less is there an obligation to achieve anything.

When we base an objective on the obligation to achieve it, we lose the ability to enjoy the process, we lose the ability to enjoy the process and even its product or result, because we were under obligation to achieve it and felt the pressure to fail ("it's what I had to do"). However, if we look at environments of high excellence, such as the field of engineering, continuous improvement or efficiency objectives are set, which consist of adopting a different type of approach.

Here it is a matter of improving, knowing that what we do today, good or bad, can be improved tomorrow. What A mistake is not a failure, but a learning experience.and that good motivation management pushes us to pursue goals that we really want (based on what we want), rather than what we are forced to do (what we "have" to do).

4. Negative self-referential beliefs: I am what I believe vs. I believe what I am.

One of the biggest mistakes we can make in the management of our emotional states of well-being is to think that we are a certain way, because when we affirm that we are a certain way, usually negative, we assume this as something personal and permanent ("I am like this").

If I am what I think I am, and I think I am something negative, I will be limiting myself, I will be limiting myselfat least for as long as I maintain this negative self-referential belief. I like to think that our way of being has to do with our way of doing things and therefore, if I believe that I can do things differently, I will be able to be and feel different.

That way of doing things differently, is a way of creating a sense of self.This way of doing things differently is a way of creating a sense of self, which obviously gives us back the ability to better ourselves, to learn and to improve. If I am what I believe, I leave little room to create what I can be.

5. Attitudinal mismanagement: Pessimism and fear vs. optimism and motivation.

Emotions are sometimes like the waves of the sea. If the sea is calm, my well-being soars, and vice versa. If the sea is rough, my well-being is blurred. It is true, we cannot decide how these waves will come, but what we can do is to learn to navigate in front of them.

This learning to navigate, basically consists of taking out what kind of waves we can take from the sea, and vice versa. interpretations of the different situations that we will have to face at a certain moment in our life. at a certain moment in our life.

The pessimist wants to see everything black where there is only a mole, while the optimist knows how to broaden his perspective. the optimist knows how to broaden his perspectiveThe pessimist wants to see everything black where there is only a mole, while the optimist knows how to broaden his perspective, finding readings that assume the difficulty and focusing on those interpretations of the situations that contribute most to his experience of well-being. It does not necessarily mean that everything can be positive, but to focus on what is important. From this negative experience.... what could I gain or how could I assimilate it for my own development?

And you, do you also make mistakes?