6 guidelines to learn how to say ’no’.

Tips and recommendations to become familiar with the act of saying 'no' to others.

Knowing how to say no or, in other words, being assertive, allows us to defend our rights and opinions while respecting others.

But But in many occasions, due to multiple fears, it is difficult for us to say no or to set limits to people or situations, affecting ourselves.What to do to leave behind this irrational fear?

Guidelines for knowing how to say "no"

There are moments in which our interests are put at stake in relation to another; family or work situations in which sometimes it is difficult for us to say "no". Your boss asks you for a last minute favor and for you to stay longer, your mother wants to be with you too much, your sister constantly asks you to take her somewhere, your friend decides where you are going on vacation... there are many situations in which we do not express our opinion as we would like or we do not set the necessary limits.

It is in these situations that personalities with a passive style sometimes feel used, neglected and overwhelmed by putting others before oneself.

In the history of our relationships we create behavioral roles, which makes the other person expect us to behave as we have been doing. That is, your boss expects you to stay, your sister expects you to go along with her as usual, and your friend expects you to be okay with whatever she proposes.

Learning to say no in all these situations is a right and an exercise in self-respect and self-care.It is important to start putting it into practice if you feel you don't usually do it.

1. Free yourself from irrational ideas

Your boss, your mother, your friend and your sister will understand that you can't or don't want to do something they propose. Take care of communication and your fears. People who find it hard to say "no" are very afraid of being thought badly of or of conflict.. Check what you are afraid of and manage your thoughts.

2. Give yourself time to think

When something is proposed to you, don't say "yes" right away. Give yourself some time to think about whether you really want to or can do it.. At some point say that you need time to think about it.

3. Try to be brief, polite and clear

This is key. In a firm and simple tone, with short sentences, tell him/her that you can't do it. It is important not to over-explain because this can convey insecurity..

For example: "I'm very sorry but I'm busy this afternoon". "I'm sorry but it's not possible for me."

If you want to be especially kind, you can show more empathy with phrases like this: "I understand that you could use a ride, but it's impossible for me at that hour.

4. Sandwich technique

It consists of saying something positive before and after refusing the request.. For example, " Mom, I would like to spend time together too, but this week is complicated for me, let's see you next week?" This technique shows kindness and interest.

5. The broken record

This is used when the person insists. It consists of repeating the same thing over and over again, without flinching or going into further explanations, and very calmly. We must be cautious with this technique because we can show disinterest. It is important to combine it with empathy. Example: "Mom, I'm really sorry, but I told you that this week is complicated".

6. Train from imagination

Make a list of situations in which you would like to say "no". Choose one of those situations and write down in detail how it usually goes, what you usually say and how you usually react.

Prepare and choose a short, polite and simple response to put into practice the next time it happens. Imagine the situation by closing your eyes; imagine and visualize yourself saying "no" and saying the phrase you have chosen..

Remember, saying "no" is a right.