Couple dissatisfaction and divorce: what factors explain it?

Why are there more and more separations and divorces?

In recent decades there has been a substantial gradual increase in the number of separations and divorces compared to previous periods. According to data from the INE (National Institute of Statistics), in 1990, there were about 95,000 divorce proceedings.. In 2000, the figure was about 98,000; in 2014, the total of 100,000 legal separations was exceeded, 5.6 % more compared to the rate of the previous year.

Faced with this upward trend, various are the investigations that have tried to shed some light on the factors that may lead to the emergence of a feeling of marital dissatisfaction and, in some cases, the decision to end the marital relationship. Let us look at some of the hypotheses studied in this regard.

What influences affective relationships and marital dissatisfaction?

The defining aspect common to all intimate relationships (family, friendship, love, etc.) is interdependence. interdependence. Interdependence is understood as the ability of one element to influence the other in a reciprocal and consistent manner in the respective thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

A factor that considerably influences the way in which an individual relates to others, and especially to the partner, is the development during childhood of the affective bond with one's parents.. Evidence from published works shows that a secure bond, based on affection and trust, is associated in the future with traits of positive affection, empathy, high self-esteem and non-conflictual interactions with others.

In reference to marital relationships, the adult who has developed a secure attachment in the first years of life, later seeks intimacy with others.They feel comfortable within their relationship and are not constantly worried about losing their partner. This type of person is capable of establishing long, committed and satisfying relationships.

Affective bonds

Bartholomew and Horowitz have established a model for classifying affective bonding in adults that contemplates two dimensions: positive vs. negative self-evaluation and positive vs. negative heteroevaluation (Bartholomew and Worowitz, 1991).

A person with a positive self-image assumes that others will generally react to an interaction in a positive way, will be esteemed by the other and treated correctly, so will be comfortable in intimate relationships. A negative self-evaluation is related to rejection by others, so that the intimate relationships he/she establishes will generate anxiety, inadequacy and dependence. These facts may precipitate the individual to avoid a closer and deeper type of relationship.

Commitment versus freedom

In a 2004 study by Baron and Byrne, the authors found that most of the marital problems stemmed from the loss of freedom of each partner Since they could not act unilaterally, they had to reach a consensus on decisions with the other partner.

According to the study, the desire for independence inevitably conflicts with the need for intimacy in most of the cases studied.

The end of idealization, the beginning of divorce?

On the other hand, the idealized vision of the other that each partner has at the beginning of the relationship gradually disappears, and over time the negative aspects of the couple that were previously unnoticed may become more relevant. Studies show that spouses tend to overestimate their level of agreement in general and especially in the style of coping with problems or difficulties.

In other words, couples have a greater disparity of opinion than they themselves actually consider to be the case.. Moreover, the nature of the verbalizations expressed by each partner during a discussion also becomes a relevant factor in the perception of satisfaction with the marital relationship.

Thus, within a continuum where the extremes are delimited by the variables "destructive-critical-irreflexive" and "constructive-consensual-reflexive", the most dissatisfied couples are clearly situated in the first typology.

Negative dynamics

Related to the above, individual differences in hostility, presence of defensive attitudes towards the partner and feelings of sadness, are determinants in the way couples interact. Thus, it has been shown that spouses who express their feelings more are happier, It has been shown that spouses who are more expressive of their feelings are happier.In particular, it was concluded that satisfied women define themselves as expressive, feminine and value positively that their partners are also affectionate and protective towards them. In the case of men, the group feels more satisfied if they consider themselves to be decisive and expressive, detesting on the other hand the fact of being sexually rejected by their partner.

In a study carried out by Fincham and Bradbury at the end of the last century, the conclusion was drawn that larital dissatisfaction is mainly determined by the sense of monotony and boredom perceived by the partners. perceived by the members of the couple and that the discrepancy in the evaluation of this aspect is a precipitating factor that marks the beginning of the deterioration of the marital relationship.

The triangular model of love

One of the most relevant contributions in the field of the distinction between the different types of love has been made by Sternberg. With his "Triangular Model of Love", this author conceptualized love relationships in terms of three basic components: intimacy, intimacy, intimacy and love. conceptualized love relationships in terms of three basic components: intimacy, passion and commitment.. 

According to the proposal, all love relationships have all three components but in different proportions. The data show that those couples that have all three components equally are those that will tend to establish more lasting and satisfying relationships. On the contrary, If the proportions are very unbalanced, there is an increased probability that a feeling of dissatisfaction with the relationship will emerge. of dissatisfaction with the couple's relationship.

Let us now look at a brief definition of these components:

• The Intimacy refers to the bonding and bonding of the partners as they spend time together.
• The Passion is sexual motivation and arousal.
• The Commitment indicates the cognitive elements involved in the decision to form the relationship and expressions of continuing commitment to it.

The sexual realm

Finally, other aspects that can have a negative influence on the feeling of marital dissatisfaction are: the perception that each partner has of the type and quality of the sexual relations they have with each other (Henderson-King and Veroff, 1994) or the negative emotions linked to professional performance that spill over into the personal sphere and end up spilling over into the marital relationship.

This situation may be the prelude to separation or divorce..

Concluding

In short, as it has been observed throughout the text, it seems that the aspects related to the establishment of a satisfactory interdependent bond, the breaking of routine and monotony, a dynamic of open and assertive communication or a balance in the components intimacy, passion and commitment are the determining factors to favor the maintenance of a positive perception of the marital relationship and the interest in its continuity over time, being elements that correlate negatively with respect to the appearance of deterioration at the marital level.

Bibliographical references:

• Baron Robert A. & Byrne, Donn (2004):Social psychology. 10th Ed. Pearson Prentice Hall: Madrid.

• Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L.M. (1991). Attachment styles amongyoung adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and SocialPsychology, 61, 226-244.

• Fincham, F.D. & Bradbury, T.N. (1988b). The impact of atributions in marriage: Empirical and conceptual foundations. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 27, 77-90.

• Henderson-King, D. H., & Veroff, J. (1994). Sexual satisfaction and marital well-being in the first years of marriages. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 11, 509–534.

• Instituto Nacional de Estadística (2015): Estadística de separaciones, nulidades y divorcios Año 2014. Recuperado de http://www.ine.es/prensa/np927.pdf

• Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psicological review, 93, 2, 119-136.