Ghosting: cutting off the relationship without explaining yourself or answering messages

Why is this practice so common on the Internet and Whatsapp?

Let's put ourselves in the situation: you have been dating someone for a few months. The interaction is good and fluid, talking every day through WhatsApp and meeting from time to time. But one day, you send a message and it goes unanswered. Days go by and it's still like that. You send another one, and another one, but even though you know that the other person has seen them, he/she doesn't answer. What's more, two days later you realize that he has blocked you, and you never hear from him again.

What has happened? Basically the person has intentionally cut off all contact with you. This is a case of ghostinga phenomenon that is becoming more and more widespread and can have significant psychological repercussions.

What is ghosting?

On a social level (since there is another phenomenon with the same name linked to the superimposition of images), ghosting is understood as that situation in which a person, suddenly, voluntarily ceases contact with another person with whom he or she had some previous communication as a way of ending that relationship. In other words, it is a case of disappearing completely from another person's life without telling him or her anything or notifying him or her of the end of the interactions.

Ghosting is a practice that has become popular with the advent of social networks, especially with the emergence of social networking sites.especially with the emergence of networks such as WhatsApp and Telegram or social networks such as Facebook. But although the term has become popular now, it is not as new as it may seem: what is now done on social networks was formerly done by telephone, for example by not answering calls.

It is a phenomenon especially frequent in applications for flirting or meeting people.The first one of the parties to the interaction gets tired and ignores the other one's attempts to communicate. However, it does not occur only in this type of applications, but can also occur between people who have known each other for a long time. For ghosting to occur, it is necessary that there is a real previous communication (it would not be considered as such if the person had never answered us or if there was no fluid communication, even if one of the parties had tried to contact us).

The slow fade

There is another similar way of acting, the so-called "slow fade", in which the person who practices it is called "slow fade".in which the person who practices it also ceases contact with the other but in a much more gradual way. Small oversights and difficulties in seeing each other or talking attributable to things like work or having things to do are feigned more and more frequently until communication ceases.

This is a type of disappearance that makes the person who practices it think that he or she has not abandoned the relationship, avoiding to some extent the feeling of guilt that could cause him or her to cease the relationship directly. However, this does not mean that everyone who reduces their level of communication with us is trying to disappear from our lives: it may be that for various circumstances they really can not pay attention or prioritize other things.

Causes of this phenomenon

Having defined ghosting, one may come to wonder why this attitude. The truth is that the reasons that each person may have to carry it out can be very different. One of the main causes is social: we have become accustomed to maintaining superficial relationships and to have a rather individualistic posture. We value relationships less and do not tend to go too deeply into them.

In addition, new technologies offer us the possibility of not offering an answer as an answer, something to which people have become accustomed. Many of the people who practice it even see it as normal, being used to this type of behavior. However, with some exceptions, it usually indicates a lack of education or an attempt to flee from a relationship. It is also related to the increasing difficulty of empathy in individualistic societies. The following are some possible causes of ghosting.

1. Fear/Flee

One of the parties involved may have done or said something that has hurt, offended or frightened the other, wanting to immediately cease communication. It is also a possible response in cases of harassment or to end toxic relationships. Sometimes it can also be used on people who remind us of such experiences or people or situations that have hurt us.

2. Lack of interest

Another option, much more frequent, is that the person who ceases contact has simply lost all interest, or that this has never been too high and does not really value contact with the other person. does not really value contact with the other person.. It is also possible that there is another person whom he or she prioritizes, or even that he or she does not want to make clear the end of the relationship in case the opportunity should arise again at some point. This is often the case when the contact with the other person is recent and there is no real link between the two, as happens in dating apps.

3. Conflict avoidance

Another option, which occurs especially when ghosting is given to end a more or less established relationship or in people, is based on the fear of harming or confronting the other person. see how the communication of the cessation of the relationship generates discomfort in the other personHaving difficulties in determining how to make the other person see that you want to end the relationship.

Not knowing how to cope with what the other person may say, or avoiding the discomfort of seeing how the other person suffers, are often reasons why ghosting may appear. So it can also be a way to avoid the discomfort of seeing the other person having a hard time. There may also be the belief that this procedure generates less Pain and feelings of rejection in the other person.

4. Punishment

It can also be understood as a somewhat immature form of punishmentDisappearing from someone's life without saying why can be seen as a way of hurting the other person and forgetting about him or her, as happens in some cases of infidelity.

Effects of ghosting

Ghosting is a practice that can have a number of repercussions on the sufferer. Although in the case of someone little known or a superficial contact it does not go beyond a slight annoyance and anger, but it can be very painful if we are talking about someone we have really valued for a long time. An example of this can be found in the sudden cessation of communication of more or less established more or less consolidated or highly valued friendships. The fact that someone suddenly ceases contact can generate great anguish.

The person who is left to wait for the contact may feel great pain at being ignored, feeling that he or she is despised.. In addition, he/she must face the uncertainty of what has happened, something that in many cases is unknown, and the absence of an answer and a reason for the situation seems unfair and disproportionate. In cases of long-term relationships, the subject may go through a grieving phase.

Ghosting leaves the subject with the uncertainty of what has happened. and whether or not the relationship has ended, leaving you insecure and producing more prolonged pain. It also makes it difficult for me to trust later relationships: if I have been abandoned suddenly and unexpectedly, it can easily happen again. In addition to this, people suffering from depression, anxiety or previous self-esteem problems may see their fears and negative thoughts exacerbated and confirmed by feeling abandoned.

Those who cease contact may become remorsefulor they may incorporate ghosting into their behavioral repertoire (if they did not already have it) and carry it out more frequently in order to cease unwanted relationships. On the other hand, those who carry it out out of fear and conflict avoidance do not face this fear, prolonging it and even worsening it by establishing this behavior as a habitual pattern.

What to do when faced with someone who ignores us?

Ghosting is, nowadays, a frequent reality that many of us are going to face sooner or later. It is something that can be difficult to react to. It is advisable first of all not to jump to hasty conclusions, since after all, something may have happened that makes you unable or unwilling to answer without really wanting to disappear from the other person's life. You can try to send a message after some time asking if he/she is well.

However, if time goes by and the person still does not answer, it is time to start accepting that maybe he/she has lost interest. It is a matter of recognizing it, and (although it may be more difficult than it seems) then stop trying to contact.

We must try to think and work to realize that the end is not our fault or our decision. If it occurs in a relationship that was fluid, it is easy to need an explanation, but we have to try to stop looking for it: the other person has no intention of offering it and we have to move on with our lives. It is also important that we do not identify this behavior as something normal, and that we try to make sure that this behaviorIt is also important that we do not identify this behavior as something normal, and that we try not to let this fact burden future relationships: not everyone will do the same thing to us. And although initially we may feel very bad, it is advisable not to stop doing activities or shut ourselves away, but to continue pursuing our goals and trying to enjoy our leisure time.