How can I help my partner to overcome grief? Tips against sadness

The loss of someone or something we love can generate a lot of sadness. How to support your partner?

Grief processes, such as those arising from the loss of a loved one, almost always involve a significant amount of discomfort for the person who is grieving. Therefore, when it is our boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband who suffers it, a typical question arises: How can I help my partner to overcome grief?

In this article you will find a list of tips that can be very useful to provide the necessary support.

What is grief?

The partner represents a source of support, which can often be decisive in helping to overcome grief.

This is not an easy situation, and it should be given the importance it deserves, but first we must understand what a grieving process is, so that we can better understand what our partner is going through and thus provide help in a more efficient way.

Grieving is a process by which a person experiences the loss of a significant the loss of a significant person or element in his or her life, either by death or because he or she has died.It may be due to death or because he or she is no longer accessible (for example, if he or she becomes too far away). It could also come from the fact of not being able to continue with an activity that the person liked; a university career, for example.

Once the subject has suffered the loss, there is a crisis of emotions related to the fact of not being able to live as when access to that person, object or activity was something that was taken for granted..

Stages of grief

The typical psychological states that one goes through when experiencing grief have been described as follows. It is important to keep in mind that grief does not always begin at the first stage, depending on the personality characteristics of each subject the process could begin at a more advanced stage and last less time.

1. The denial stage

This stage of the mourning process shows the rejection that the person experiences before the loss. It is such an adverse situation for the subject that he/she refuses to accept it as a real fact..

Phrases such as "this cannot be happening", "this cannot be real", among others, are typical during this stage.

2. The anger stage

In this stage, the subject begins to realize that he/she cannot do anything to change realityand it is precisely this that makes him/her frustrated and feel angry and irritated.

This is anger that has no clear focus; the person knows there is nothing he or she can do to change what has happened, and usually cannot find a way to drain his or her hostile feelings.

3. Bargaining stage

During this stage, people begin to ask themselves retrospective questions, in order to see in their imagination what would have happened. see in their imagination what would have happened if things had happened differently..

For example, they begin to imagine that they could have done something to change the fact of the loss they suffered, and they begin to question themselves.

4. The depression stage

At this point the subject begins to present depressive symptoms which have nothing to do with clinical depression, but are a normal response to the loss.

The subject becomes depressed because somehow he/she understands that he/she must go on with his/her life, in spite of the loss, and this idea generates sadness and anguish.

5. Acceptance

Calm finally arrives. In this last stage of the grieving process, the person has adequately drained all the emotions generated by the loss and begins to reorganize his or her life again. begins to reorganize his or her life again..

How can I help my partner to overcome grief?

Empathy is indispensable when we want to help our partner to overcome his or her grief process. Being able to put ourselves in their shoes during hard times makes us sensitive to their situation and helps us to give them everything they need to move forward.

That said, here are the main tips to help your partner through the grief.

1. Be present

The mere fact of being present during your partner's grief is an emotional support for him or her. emotional support for him or her.

You don't need to try to say something comforting at every moment. Just stay close and be openly supportive.

2. Active listening

While you are accompanying your partner, be sure to let him/her know that he/she can let him/her know that he/she can openly express all his/her feelings..

Listening to their feelings and emotions is important so that they can drain the discomfort they may be feeling.

3. Avoid appearing to your partner

Contrary to what some people think, compassion does not provide any kind of help to the person, on the contrary, it works as a reinforcer of negative feelings. Therefore, if what we want is to help you overcome these feelings, it is best to avoid this at all costs.

4. Encourage your partner not to neglect himself/herself

This point refers to the personal care that we should give to our partner. In a bereavement situation it is common that people tend to neglect basic aspects of their lives, such as food or personal hygiene.such as food or personal hygiene.

If you notice that your partner is neglecting any of these aspects, or other basic needs, then offer support in this area. Otherwise, this factor may cause him or her to continue to feel bad and have a greater predisposition to nurture negative thoughts, associated with sadness and melancholy.

Bibliographical references:

• Archer, J. (1999). The nature of grief: The evolution and psychology of reactions to loss. London, England: Routledge.
• Bayés, R. (2001). Psicología del sufrimiento y de la muerte. Barcelona: Martínez Roca.
• Stroebe M., Schut H. & Boerner K. (2017) Models of coping in bereavement: an updated overview. Psychology Studies, 38(3): pp. 582 - 607.
• Worden, W.J. (2004). The treatment of bereavement: psychological counseling and therapy. Barcelona: Paidós.