How to stop loving someone who doesn’t value me? 4 tips

Several keys to stop obsessing about heartbreak and turn the page.

For better or for worse, love is something that arrives unexpectedly.. It does not follow reasons or rational calculations of what is best for us from a realistic perspective. It simply comes with falling in love, like a surge of emotions, and it transforms our way of experiencing life in a matter of days or a few weeks.

Therefore, there is nothing to prevent unrequited love from appearing, or a clearly asymmetrical one in which one part of the couple gives a lot and the other does not invest too much time, effort or affection. Thus, many people end up asking themselves a classic question: how to stop loving someone who does not value me? In the following lines we will develop just this topic.

The characteristics of unrequited love

As we have seen, although relationships are (or should be) composed of two people who love each other and form an affective bond, love can perfectly well be unilateral. Loving someone does not imply that this someone loves us.As many people painfully discover in the course of their lives, it does not mean that we should resign ourselves to the fact that we do not love each other. But that does not mean that we should resign ourselves to passively suffer the consequences of this disappointment.

It is true that we cannot directly manipulate our own emotions, but we can take several measures to make the bad moment pass as quickly as possible and we can focus our attention on life projects that will allow us to be happy.

So, the key is not to start hating or despising the person who has not corresponded to us, but simply in stop making it a priority to spend time with that person or thinking about them.. Love that is reciprocated does not stop hurting overnight, but if we do not nurture it by turning it into an obsession and through rumination, its psychological repercussions and relevance will simply die out in a matter of weeks.

• You may be interested in, "Why does love end in a couple relationship?"

How to stop loving someone who does not value you.

To know how to go on your way without worrying obsessively about the fact that someone does not love you, follow these steps.

1. Avoid reminders

As much as possible, avoid exposing yourself to contexts that bring back memories related to that person. Do this in a reasonable way, since in practice it is impossible to avoid this kind of stimuli. Keep in mind the most relevant ones, and adopt habits that do not make you think of them.

For example, change your bar to go for a drink on weekends, or go for a walk in other places. In the same way, it's good if you don't have contact with the person at first, but that doesn't mean you should adopt a hostile relationship dynamic with him or her.However, this does not mean that you should adopt a hostile relationship dynamic with the person.

2. Adopt a detached perspective

In almost any situation it is possible to adopt a detached perspective that allows us to analyze in a calmer and more objective way what is happening. This is very useful when working with love problems, as it helps to discard the idea that the psychological Pain we feel when we are frustrated at not feeling the frustration of not being able to feel the same way. frustration of not feeling loved describes what we are worth. describes what we are worth.

Thus, it is a way to have a more realistic and reasonable view of oneself, one that is not subject to the pessimistic biases that appear when experiencing heartbreak due to rejection by someone who does not value us.

At the end of the day, that person does not know us in a complete and accurate way: his or her way of perceiving us is conditioned by the way we have related to him or her, which in turn is a way of interacting that we have not used with other people and that in fact does not necessarily have to be the same as what we do when we are alone.

3. Think about what you know about yourself that the other person does not know.

Make a list of positive things you know about yourself that you think the person who does not value you enough does not know. The purpose of this is not to prepare a list of arguments to convince her to love you, of course, but a reminder that beyond the image of you that reflects the way that person relates to you, you have many strengths that you should not forget, you have many strengths that you should not forget.

4. Give yourself time

It is important not to set unrealistic goals about how long it should take to recover emotionally. If you think that in three days you will be fine and this does not happen, it can make you become more obsessed with the problem.making it last longer.

So, the best thing to do is not to set a temporary goal that marks a time when you should feel good. Instead, set daily goals that do not have to do with feeling one way or another, but with doing certain actions that lead you to look forward to other projects in company or alone.