I feel old: 3 tips on what to do about this discomfort

There are women who feel old even though old age is far behind them. Why does this happen?

It is no secret that today's society puts a lot of pressure on us to look attractive and desirable. For decades now people have been writing about how in seemingly free countries there is a tendency to make all citizens fit a mold of what is considered aesthetic, pleasing to look at. And that this pressure falls especially hard on women is not something that surprises anyone either.

This phenomenon is related to the "I feel old" mindset, which is very common in adult women of a wide range of ages. of a wide range of ages. However, contrary to what one might think, personal appearance is not the only thing that explains this phenomenon. Yes, it is true that there is an obsession with wrinkles, skin that loses firmness and gray hair, but the problem, although partly psychological and imagined, goes beyond that. Understanding this is fundamental to stop feeling that anguish and sadness that a large part of the female population suffers.

In this article we will focus on what happens when a woman feels old even though she is not very old, since in elderly people who feel old age as something bad, the problem is of a different nature.

The initial question: why do I feel old?

At the time of alleviating the discomfort of this type, everything happens to understand what are the material reasons that lead us to feel old even long before having entered the vital stage of the old age, and to feel bad about it. It is worth noting this last point, because old age itself does not necessarily have to be something that produces sadness; although in practice it goes hand in hand with certain physical limitations, how we experience it when we reach this stage depends on how we value those limitations, not old age itself.

In women who feel very old even though they do not belong to the third age, what happens is that the concept of old age acts as a "bridge" between the way we imagine real old age to feel, on the one hand, and the actual situation, on the other. And why does this happen? Fundamentally, because of what society dictates that a woman should be.not because of the fact that she has entered what is biologically the third age.

For centuries, women have been sexualized to the extreme, to the point of making reproduction their main task, along with the care of the home, which is the place where the fruits of that reproduction must be protected and educated. And since the clock of reproduction runs somewhat faster than the clock of life expectancy, during the earliest stage of youth, all the social pressure to have children is concentrated in the early stages of youth, whereas once this stage has passed, the social pressure to have children is concentrated in the early years of life.The fact is that, once we have passed this vital stage, the lower chances of having babies are associated with old age in general, and uselessness in particular.

As much as we have come a long way in terms of sexism, the idea that a woman's main goal is to attract a good husband and have children continues to weigh on the way we unconsciously value women. In a context in which the reproductive role of women is constantly reminded, the smallest signs of aging, which usually appear around the age of 25, can cause obsessive thoughts to appear. Sometimes, it is not even necessary to have seen objective signs of aging.It is very common for girls of 19 or 20 years old to feel old by anticipating the moment when they will stop looking so young, and consider it to be near.

What to do to get rid of this discomfort?

As we have seen, "I feel old" thinking is based on a paradox. On the one hand, it is based on an imaginary concern, which is usually not based on any specific characteristic of one's body that is objectively harmful or makes it less functional. On the other hand, it is not simply a problem pertaining to the mind of the woman as an individual, but exists because being a woman of a certain age has certain undesirable social consequences. being a woman of a certain age has certain undesirable social consequences because of sexism. because of sexism.

Any initiative that a woman wants to undertake to stop feeling bad for being the age she is necessarily involves taking action to prevent the rest of society from assigning her less value because she is not a post-adolescent. Thus, some useful suggestions to follow are the following.

1. Don't let your culture be limited to mainstream culture

Mainstream culture is that which reproduces the most deeply rooted and pervasive cultural vices, and if a woman is exposed exclusively to it, she is much more likely to feel the full force of it, she is much more likely to feel all the social pressure linked to gender roles..

Therefore, frequenting social environments in which the idealization of extreme youth has less power and is questioned, is very beneficial, since it provides a critical view that allows us to stop seeing what we feel as a problem exclusively of our own, and to see it as the consequence of a social and historical phenomenon, which may disappear in the future.

2. Seek female solidarity networks

This measure is similar to the previous one, and it has to do with stop depending only on male approval.The simple fact of surrounding oneself with more women is not enough. The simple fact of surrounding oneself with more women with this critical view of what society expects of them is very beneficial.

3. Demystifying reproduction

As we have seen, the reproductive role assigned by society is at the Heart of the problem. If it is said that men age better and more slowly than women, it is partly because the reproductive pressure does not fall on them: whether they are fathers or not matters much less than whether a woman is or has been a mother or not.

So, stop making one's life revolve around the creation of a family, as if one could not be a father or a mother.As if one could not be happy outside of it (regardless of whether that family exists or not), is part of the solution to stop feeling old in the bad sense of the word.