The 6 keys to parenting

After the birth, a parenting process begins and you have to know how to adapt emotionally.

Being mothers, being parents; that 180-degree turn in your life, full of overflowing emotions from the minute the pregnancy is confirmed.The process is full of overflowing emotions from the minute the pregnancy is confirmed. Perhaps desired in solitude, or in the company of your partner.

And the journey begins. A journey full of illusions deposited in a baby that grows little by little inside you, inside her, slowly, slowly and with lots of love, as if it were the best stew.

And that is how a new life begins. Hers and yours as a mother and/or as a father. The turn begins and sometimes also begins the vertigo, the uncertainty, the doubts... and in front of them we can take two paths. The path of knowledge and making tribe, or the path of waiting sheltered in those emotions that make it difficult for us to enjoy the process..

The main keys to parenting

Knowing what happens to us on a physical and emotional level during pregnancy or happens to our partner is the first step to be able to deal with the different situations we face, but it is also essential to know what happens or may happen during childbirth and postpartum. it is also essential to know what happens or may happen to us during childbirth and postpartum, to think and decide how we want it to be.It is also essential to know how we want it to be and to prepare ourselves for it and for the different events that may occur.

Every day it is more and more normalized that mothers and fathers have this knowledge about pregnancy, know and live with some peace of mind its different stages, but.... What happens when the turn is finally complete and we have our baby in our arms?

If I were asked for a definition of parenting, in a few words and without technicalities, I would say that parenting is calmness, respect, listening, care, support and above all observation.

Calmness

It is calm, to enjoy the moments shared with them, without haste, with enjoyment, without stress and without an adult mind..... Calm to listen to them, in their different ways of communicating.

2. Respect

Respect for yourself as a mother or father who makes mistakes and rectifies, gives himself/herself permission.. Respect for your son or daughter, as a person as valid as you from the first second he or she breathes outside the protected environment of his or her mother. Respect for their rhythms, without rushing, without getting ahead of ourselves, giving time, space and safe environments for their development. Respect their emotions and the expression of this, also understanding that their ways are the ones they know and know how to express.

3. Listening

Active, focused and calm listening. Providing spaces for it. Finding out everything they have to tell us and answering everything they have to ask us, and if we don't know the answer, letting them know that we will find out and/or look for it together.And if we don't know the answer, letting them know that we will find out and/or look for it together. It is listening to ourselves.

To you mom, listen to yourself, give value to what your inner self is telling you, be generous with yourself, give yourself permission. Listen to yourself and do accordingly. To you dad, listen to yourself, in the same way, being generous with yourself and giving yourself permission. Listen to each other, your fathers, your mothers.

Active, respectful and consensus-seeking listening, listening that sometimes involves sometimes involves making decisions and sometimes sharing emotions that overflow with emotions.. Overflowing with joy or overwhelm, tiredness or frustration, fear or uncertainty. Listening involves time, patience and dedication.

Listening can have its B side. We must also know who to listen to. Not everyone has a voice, in order to be able to intervene in this dynamic of parenting.

4. Care

Care for yourself, care for yourself and of course, care for the being that accompanies your days and nights.. Take care of yourself, because if you do not take care of yourself, it will be much more difficult to take care of you.

Because it is necessary to cover our own needs to be able to be attentive to the needs of our baby or our child. To take care of the other, of our partner if it is the case; to take care of the times together, to take care of the details, to take care of the moments together. Taking care of our child, meeting their basic needs, attending to their emotions to do so and to our own.. Caring with love, respect and caresses. Physical caresses, but above all emotional caresses.

5. Support

The key word: how important is support! Internal support, from our own family nucleus, mutual support. The kind that is given almost unintentionally, without the need to ask for it..

Support when the need is urgent, when you can't take it anymore. To be able to ask for it, to withdraw, to disconnect and take care of yourself. External SUPPORT, from the extended family, friends, organizations. Support that allows quality spaces in solitude or as a couple, support that allows sharing moments with them without judgments, criticisms or maternity or paternity exams, from affection, from sharing and enjoying the moments. Respectful support.

Weaving a support network can be a fundamental anchor in parenting.. It can be our place to turn to when something wobbles; our tribe can emerge from there to accompany us in this upbringing.

6. Observation

Observe yourself in order to know how you are, what you need, how you feel, how you are living this turning point in your life.How you are living this turn in your life. Know what you want from your role in parenting. To know if you are on that path that you designed or designed, before everything started, to know why yes, why not. To be able to gain momentum and move forward, analyzing and assessing. Observation is key.

Watching your child. Magic. Observing our child can provide us with so much information about him/her and about ourselves as parents, that perhaps, within our upbringing, it is the key word and action. What can we achieve with observation?

• To enjoy his/her rhythms and the achievement of his/her evolutionary milestones.
• To observe difficulties in their development.
• Discover their likes and dislikes.
• Discover what he does not tolerate or does not like (toys, textures...).
• To discover his emotions before what pleases him, what displeases him, what produces an unpleasant sensation.
• To be able to accompany his emotions, because you have information through observation.
• Respect, give time, trust. Observation allows us to have calm to look, to look at the detail and to pause our impulses of protection to give space to trust him/her. Observation provides us with information that increases our confidence in them.

To learn more...

If you are interested in learning how to apply these parenting principles to adapt to change, you may be interested in the "Learning to Grow Together Program", an initiative of the TAP Center. Our team of professionals has been working for years in the field of perinatal psychology and parenting adaptation processes. For more information, please contact us through our author page or through [email protected].

Author: Irene de la Granja, Special Education Teacher with a Master's Degree in Psychopedagogy and member of Centro TAP.