The 7 pillars of couple therapy

A summary of the key ideas from which couple therapy starts with the help of psychologists.

Have you ever wondered how couples therapy works? That is, what explains why psychologists who work in this specialty do what they do.

Well, couple therapy is not simply a technique that, when applied to love relationships, fixes them by following the same magic formula. It is, in any case, a type of psychological intervention (that is, carried out by psychology professionals) in which different tools and methods are used to meet the needs of a given couple's relationship, taking into account its particularities.

This means that couple therapy is characterized by its plurality, the heterogeneity of its proposals and approaches to the problem to be treated. Therefore, the work of experts in love relationships cannot be summarized in a single action or formula to strengthen the emotional bond between two people. In other words, there are many pillars of couples therapy that explain how it works. that explain the way it works. Let's see what they are.

The pillars of couples therapy: key ideas to strengthen the relationship.

These are the key ideas that help to understand what couple therapy is and why it can be of great help to those who decide to attend this type of sessions with a psychologist.

1. Communication is the basis of everything

Any couple's relationship needs a constant flow of communication. That is to say, dialogue must be part of the daily life of the two people who form a couple.

However, this is a necessary but insufficient condition by itself for the love bond to be strong.This characteristic can be present and, at the same time, arguments can make the relationship not go well, for example.

2. Physical contact is crucial, beyond sex

Couple relationships need to leave room for moments of physical contact and a certain intimacy. These moments, beyond pleasant experiences, bring affective closeness, bring affective proximityThe feeling that with this person we can act in a different way, to express ourselves in ways that we do not express ourselves with anyone else.

By the way, this physical contact does not have to be sexual in all cases: there are people who do not feel desires and impulses of this type, and that does not constitute any problem for them if they are with another person compatible with their asexuality.

3. Finding common interests and hobbies is a plus

The idea that in love opposites attract is a myth. Although there are always exceptions, the most solid and prosperous relationships are usually established between people who have many things in common. Therefore, one of the pillars of couples therapy is to create situations in which both find common interestswhich allow them to experience many stimulating moments together.

4. Discussions should not be avoided

Another of the pillars of couples therapy is that discussions should not be avoided, because if we are considering doing so, it means that a conflict (big or small) has already appeared in our heads.

What we have to do with the discussions, in any case, is to manage them well and take them as something natural in any relationship between people who spend a lot of time together.. In this way they will not become a simple ritual, a way to let off steam by attacking the other, since assuming that the discussions are an anomaly leads to blur their true reason for being and end up using them for everything.

5. Time together is necessary

Love relationships do not exist apart from our living conditions. A marriage in which both work a lot and come home late at night will hardly find moments to share, and this wears out the health of that bond. It is necessary to find new lifestyles, and to do so in a coordinated and consensual manner..

6. It is normal to want to have a life beyond the couple.

A couple's relationship is a commitment that involves many responsibilities, sacrifices and projects, but it is wrong to assume that the life of each of its members should be reduced to that. For this reason, in couple therapy we work so that each one clarifying which are the different ways in which he/she wants to be involved in the relationship, and which times and situations he/she prefers to reserve for him/herself.and which times and situations he/she prefers to reserve for him/herself.

7. It is important to learn not to prejudge

Love is an intense psychological phenomenon because it encourages us to lose ourselves in what we feel in every moment we share with the other person. However, it is also necessary to know how to adopt a distant perspective, it is also necessary to know how to adopt a distanced perspective and as neutral as possible to evaluate why the other person behaves the way he/she does, and why we behave the way we do.

If we are not capable of this, we run the risk of constantly prejudging, devoting our efforts more to making judgments about the morality of the other person than to seeking effective solutions.

Where to seek professional assistance?

If you are interested in attending couples therapy to improve the state of your relationship or marriage, or to give you a second chance after going through a love crisis and consider breaking up, you can count on the professional help of Psychological Consultation Despertares.

Our team of highly qualified psychologists is present in Madrid Capital as well as in several cities of the CAM: Leganés, Getafe and Móstoles. To see our contact details, click here.

Bibliographic references:

• Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• O'Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006). Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.