The 9 differences between love and infatuation

Two concepts that are often confused. We explain their true meaning.

We often talk about love and infatuation, two terms that can be confused and seem synonymous but are not. and seem to be synonyms but they are not. Therefore, in this article we will explain what these differences are and the correct meaning of each of these concepts.

Differences between infatuation and love

We tend to think, moreover, that love is related to romantic, but it is not always so. In the following lines you can find the differences between both phenomena.

1. Obsession, desire and addiction

Falling in love is a very intense feeling, which can develop quickly and has a lot to do with the neurochemical cascade that occurs in our brain and that we explain in our article "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug".

This neurochemical marriage involves neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin or noradrenaline, which is why it is often said that love (actually it should be infatuation) is like a drug.

Falling in love usually produces very intense emotions and the person undergoes a kind of transformation in which his or her perception changes. That is why they say that falling in love is blind, because the person idealizes his or her lover, does not stop thinking about him or her and feels full of energy. But this stage has a certain duration, and the brain, as it happens with drugs, gets used to it. It is there where relationships continue to live or not, where the most mature and rational love is demonstrated and where it is necessary to work so that the couple does not break up.

2. Different ways of loving

We tend to use love and infatuation interchangeably. Although love and infatuation are not the same, not everything is romantic love either. There are, for example, mother's love and self-love. In other words, there are different ways of loving.

In addition, relationships can also be characterized by different kinds of love, as explained by the triangular theory of love proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, which you can learn about in our article "Sternberg's triangular theory of love".

3. Rationality

Both love and falling in love are complex phenomena, as are interpersonal love relationships.. Since in falling in love the emotions are very intense and the neurochemical cascade that affects the perception of individuals takes place, it is also usually a more irrational phenomenon, in which the lover sees his or her partner as perfect, maximizing his or her positive attributes and minimizing his or her defects. However, love is more rational and the person does not feel that immense desire and obsession to be with the other person.

4. The passage of time

Falling in love can appear soon after meeting the person, because expectations, physical attraction, mystery, etc. intervene.mystery, etc. Love, on the other hand, is a motivation that takes time to appear and has more to do with affection and communication.

5. Image of perfection

Since love is more rational, it does not create an idyllic image of the other person.. On the other hand, falling in love makes us feel "high", constantly thinking about the other person, the one we have on a pedestal. If you want to know the difference between infatuation and mature love, you can read our article "Mature love: why second love is better than first love".

6. Living in a cloud

When we meet someone and we live the stage of falling in love, it seems that we are in a cloud. It is similar to being in a mania phase and our perception of life is positive.

That person makes us feel like we're on a high, as if time has no effect on us.. However, when we love someone, we feel a great love for that person, but we do not necessarily feel on a cloud, because his or her presence no longer triggers the intense reactions that it did when we were in love.

7. Depth or superficiality

Since infatuation tends to appear more quickly and intensely than love, it can often be more superficial than love. Infatuation is characterized by being a love so intense that even madness can take possession of us.. 

Love, on the other hand, has more to do with the depth of feelings, since it is purer and sanity predominates. After falling in love, love can come, but sometimes it does not.

8. Selfishness vs. genuine intentions

Because of the depth of feelings, love also tends to produce deeper and more genuine intentions.. Just think of the love between mother and child.

9. Falling in love as a phase of love

Some authors affirm that romantic love has a series of phases. The initial phase would refer to falling in love, and according to Dorothy Tennov, this phase is called Limerence. It is a stage in which lust, illusion and the strong desire to be with the other person predominate. Euphoria and positive moods are characteristic. So are obsession, fanciful thoughts and fear of rejection.

• You can learn more about the stages of love in our article "The 3 phases of love and their characteristics".

What science says about love and falling in love.

Psychologists, sociologists and doctors have been interested in this complex phenomenon, to try to decipher what are its reasons, how it occurs and what are its main characteristics.

But... what does science say about love and falling in love? If you want to know the results of the latest scientific research on the subject, which allow us to decipher the great mystery of the influence of love and falling in love on our brain and our behavior, you can read our article "Love and falling in love: 7 surprising researches".