The biochemistry of falling in love

The chemical processes of the human brain explain much about falling in love.

The biochemistry of love alters our behaviors and generates different sensations in us..

That is why when we enter into the experience of love and falling in love we may do "crazy things", or act differently than we would without being in love. This chemistry, these sensations, last from two to four years as long as the relationship is maintained.

Neurochemistry of falling in love

The neurochemistry of love generates a clearly pleasurable sensationThe brain in love works in a different way, so that in this process we experience certain sensations of ecstasy very similar to the brain of the addict.

In fact, the reward circuits are activated in much the same way as they are in the brain of a person with a diagnosable addiction. It is closely linked to these dependence processes in terms of the activation of nervous system substances such as serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine, among others.

Phases of the process

When we fall in love there are two main phases. The first phase lasts about three years; during these years the hormones we were talking about are found to a greater extent in us.

After this stage comes a phase in which this hormone concentration decreases, which is understood by many couples.This is understood by many couples as a synonym of crisis. But it does not have to be like that, and in fact, a much more mature love can arrive, more nourishing and in which it matters more to have a vital project together.

Two complementary parts

There are studies that indicate the importance of the exchange of fluids when it comes to falling in love. In particular, the one that occurs when we kiss the other person, when we unconsciously detect if he/she has the antibodies we need. detect if he or she has the antibodies we need.. From this exchange of fluids and the influence of hormones, in part, we fall in love in about five months on average.

After this we enter the stage of falling in love with the great hormonal concentration, and during these three years (approximately) it is much more difficult to break relationshipsIt is much more difficult to break relationships during these three years (approximately), because to do so we would have to fight against our own hormones.

Later on, reason comes into play. In this phase we think if we like the other person, if he/she complements us, if we are happy together, etc. Let's say that "passionate love" is necessary to reach the "companionate love" that many of us think is "true love".

The affective bond

When we fall in love, a very strong bond is generated and, as we have already mentioned, there is a certain component of "madness" because the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is the most rational part of the human being, lowers its level of influence, so we reason to a lesser extent.and, therefore, there is less reasoning.

Love can give us courage, because of this same "madness" or bravery by reasoning less and, in counterpoint, it can also lead us to feel that we are wasting our time if we are left alone with this feeling and the relationship is not viable.

On the other hand, passion is affected by hormones such as testosterone.Besides the sexual aspect, it can be important when it comes to illusion and to have more desire when it comes to undertake projects by making us feel stronger.

And when problems arise...

In Mariva Psicólogos we have seen that most of the problems that we encounter in therapy are related to love.This is indicative of the fact that it is one of the causes from which people suffer the most. That is why it is very important, despite its great relevance in the lives of human beings, to demythologize it.

It may happen that love does not work out well, but that does not have to mean so much suffering or that you have some kind of personal problem; it may even be the opposite, that you have decided to walk away from a relationship that did not work, which is a sign of reason.

When we are in love we release a lot of oxytocin, a hormone of love but also of forgiveness and justification. Therefore, anything the other person does that we might not like in others can make us fall in love even more if it is present in the person we are in love with.

For example, if someone we like very much is cold, we tend to think that he is interesting, if he is a liar, we tend to think that he is complex... This is something we have to take into account by demystifying love, not idealizing the other person.

To love is really beautiful and important, but, we must be aware of this loss of reason and also to delimit the suffering that the lack of love can cause.. For all this the figure of the psychologist is especially useful.