The importance of rules for teenagers at home.

Tips on how to set clear rules for raising teenagers.

From the age of 13 and 14 onwards, the relationship with teenagers changes.. The time spent with adults as reference figures disappears and they begin to focus on establishing relationships with their peers. Although this is completely normal, it directly affects the way they interact in the family environment.

Today we bring you some keys to improving coexistence and promoting a better understanding of how we set family rules for teens to create an environment that fosters good development and learning skills.

Being on top...results?

"Being on top" may be the go-to technique for most parents. When they were younger, it was a war of attrition and it was hard to get them to do the tasks we asked them to do, but eventually they gave in.

But does this strategy work, and do they improve their behavior? In general, we find that as they get older, the feeling of "hitting a wall" when we use this strategy to deal with problems also grows in the same way.. Not only that, as children get older, the amount of concerns also increases with their autonomy, as well as the amount of decisions they want to make.

Why do we set rules for teenagers?

Here are the reasons why it is important to set clear rules.

To improve coexistence

There is no doubt that this is the main objective of parents when they consider setting family rules for their children. However, improving coexistence is the result of the following points.

Learning the skills that allow them to operate independently.

This is the main objective of rules in adolescents: to teach them to assume the consequences of their behavior and responsibilities.. In this way, they will be able to adjust their behavior according to the results obtained.

Preventing risky behavior in environments where parents are not present

The home environment is a safe place where they can acquire skills that will enable them to behave in a safe and healthy manner in the future: saying no, setting limits, expressing what they want, responsible consumption, relationship with drugs....risk-preventive behaviors...

Keys to building norms

As we have seen, by way of summary, the main reason for setting rules for adolescents is to to make them aware of and responsible for their behavior. But... how can this be put into practice?

The rules of coexistence must be clear, specific and concise. Remember, the goal is to make the adolescent responsible for his or her actions and, therefore, to be able to modify them.. That said, the rule should include the following elements:

• Specific behavior: one behavior is "be home by 21:00" rather than "on time." Specific actions need to be specified in order to be able to indicate when the desired behavior does or does not exist.
• When to do it: It is important to establish schedules and routines to be followed.
• Who: Who is responsible for performing this specific act.
• How to do it: Be specific and concrete.
• Consequences: The consequences of performing the required actions will be determined. Privilege management and the effective use of punishment must be taken into account.

Motivating and promoting desired behaviors.

These are the key elements to maintain motivation to follow the rules. By following these guidelines, living with an adolescent son or daughter will be much more positive and they will develop better skills for their adult stage..

1. Consensus

It is important to establish rules for the whole family and to involve our son/daughter so that he/she sees that he/she is playing an active role in the family. It is important to establish rules for the whole family and involve our son/daughter so that he/she sees that he/she is playing an active role in establishing the rules of coexistence..

2. That they are realistic

The rules should be adjusted according to your child's possibilities.. It is important to be able to achieve them, i.e., set a level of requirements that allows them to be met, and gradually increase the responsibilities and difficulties as they master the skills of the simpler rules.

3. That there are reinforcements

Valuing behaviors, academic grades, efforts, making their favorite food, taking into account their wishes even if, as parents, you decide how to administer them. These reinforcements strengthen the adolescent-parent bond and help to maintain the limits established for coexistence..

4. Pay attention to desired behavior

We tend to pay more attention to the behavior that causes us problems and bothers us. However, it often happens that once our child behaves according to the normal behavior or the behavior we want him/her to get, we assume it as "this is what he/she has to do". It is important to change our "radar" approach: pointing out the desired behavior and recognizing the effort is a key part to promoting this behavior.

5. Role Models

Our behavior as parents serves as a role model. Consistency between the desired standards and the behavior we display in front of our children is important.. The most important thing is that both parents must set the same limits and be firm in the face of consequences through teamwork. This will allow to generate a stable situation so that the adolescents better understand their role and achieve the desired behavior sooner.

6. Give space and express

Rules should be adjusted according to changing needs and coexistence. It is important to create a space where adolescents can express themselves, discuss the rules, share their concerns and feel heard.