Toxic people: what are they and how to identify them

A toxic person is one who it deeply alters our mood and whose behavior can be detrimental not only to those around her but also to herself. Although there are many types of toxic peopleYes, they are usually people who have not evolved emotionally; insecure, selfish and not very independent people. They tend to interact in an absorbing way, exhausting, stressing and / or depressing the people around them.

Notably not all of us react in the same way Before people, that is, that person who is toxic to you may not be toxic to others. On the other hand, the degree of closeness also influences and depending on this the relationship may be more or less harmful. For example, parents and toxic partners are often more difficult to manage due to the high degree of bonding. Although toxic relationships with friends can also be hard or that we cannot avoid.

It is also important to keep in mind that all people sometimes have traits that are harmful to others, for example, being very impulsive in discussions, constantly seeking attention or blaming others for things that do not belong to them. Therefore, we can all become toxic people during specific stages or be it for some people in particular. It is not that the person is toxic per se, rather it is that his behavior is toxic or your relationship with another person is toxic.

Characteristics of toxic people

It is not always easy to detect toxic people, but one way to try to do it is by identifying certain signs in them or characteristic features such as:

• Complainant, negative, and victimizer
• Envious, cannot stand the successes of others
• Narcissist, believes that everything he does is okay
• Proud, cannot bear to be contradicted
• Pride, lecture, disqualify and belittle others
• Controlling and dictatorial, it imposes the rules of the relationship
• He is not responsible for his own actions.
• Manipulative, she deceives to achieve her purposes.
• Verbally assault and attempt to humiliate and damage self-esteem
• Constantly criticize
• Resort to blackmail and fear
• Spread rumors
• He likes to dramatize

How to identify that a person is toxic to me

A fundamental part of knowing how to live with toxic people and face certain situations is analyzing our own emotions; understand why they upset us or make us feel bad. The prestigious Psychiatrist Marian Rojas-Estapé recommends “trying to understand why that person is toxic for you, break down what is happening, that is, see if it is a universal toxic, if everyone is a toxic person and everyone has a hard time or it is especially difficult for you ”.

These are some of the emotions that can generate a toxic person:

• Drain your energy or optimism.
• It makes it difficult for you to express your point of view or opinion.
• It makes you feel guilty or ashamed.
• She frustrates you because your efforts to cheer her up are never enough
• You fear being close to him / her or you feel like you have to walk on lead.
• You feel obliged to take care of him, take care of him or protect him.
• You feel controlled.

How to act in front of it?

Being trapped in a toxic relationship (romantic or not) can lead to serious psychological consequences: stress, anxiety, depression, lack of self-esteem, phobias, somatic problems, etc. It is the easiest and most effective option, but it is not always possible. What can we do then? You can't change the behaviour of the other, but you can change yours or how does it make you feel:

• Analyze, specify and describe the toxic parts of the person.
• Put context to the situation and think that behind the toxic behaviors there is a lack of emotional development: fears, frustrations, deficiencies, traumatic experiences ...
• Set limits if you can't reduce contact. You can always deny access to your privacy and decide to what extent you allow the other access to you.
• Relativize their behavior and don't get into their game.
• Use assertiveness, it is your main weapon.
• Learn to disconnect when it starts to complain, find fault, or drain your energy.

But the most important thing is that take care of yourself; pamper yourself, protect yourself. When the toxic relationship is very advanced, the victim may have trouble identifying the abusive behaviors, since they may come to understand that they are the one or even that they deserve them. If the situation overwhelms you, from a psychotherapist.

• Depending on the degree of closeness with the toxic person, the relationship will be more or less harmful. Parents and toxic partners sound more difficult to manage due to the high degree of bonding.
• There are two ways to detect toxicity: identifying signals in the other person (how we define the other person) or decoding the emotions that it arouses in us, always suffocating (how we feel about the other).
• Getting away from toxic people is the easiest and most effective option, but it is not always possible. So if you can't change the other's behavior, it's a matter of changing yours.

Editorial Team: Clinical Psychology Specialist.