When your partner leaves you: the most common thoughts and their solutions

Let's see what are the most frequent problematic thoughts after a breakup, and what to do.

Although many people say that you can't die of love, it's true that that breakups are experienced as real tragedies for all those who suffer them. for all those who suffer them and, even more, if you are the person who has been left.

If you are going through this painful time, keep in mind that some of the things that may be happening to you are typical of a grieving process (we talk about grief when there is a loss in our life and, in this case, who we lose is our partner).

It is very possible that you notice some very intense feelings of discomfortYou may feel a lot of anxiety, a huge sadness and a lot of emotions and thoughts that you have not had so far and that are probably causing your self-esteem to plummet.

Common thoughts when we get dumped and the relationship comes to an end.

But what are those common thoughts after the breakup that make us fall apart?

1. You blame yourself for your actions

Guilt appears if you put excessive responsibility on yourself for everything you have done (or haven't done), as if you can control everything and you have failed.. After being dumped, most of the time, the person even blames him/herself for the partner's reactions with phrases such as "if I had not said that thing, my partner would have thought differently and would not have left me".

2. You focus on some aspect of yourself that you don't like.

And you assume that it is horrible and that is why he/she has left you: "I am too hysterical, it is normal that he/she does not want to be with me". All this makes your self-esteem very damaged when it is very possible that you are not being fair with yourself at all..

3. Beliefs that you won't find anyone else like you.

An exaggerated idealization of the person appears, thinking that he or she is unique and wonderful. Now you think that he/she is a perfect match for you.

However, at other times you may have thought just the opposite: that there were things about that person that you did not like.

4. Idealization of the relationship

As in the previous point, you also the good things in the relationship are also praised, nostalgia for the beautiful moments and the memory of the positive things while and the memory of the positive things while the not so good things we had with that relationship are left in oblivion.

What to do?

Fortunately, from psychology you can find tools to help you manage this process much more easily. So, if all this is happening to you, you should do some of these things to get out of this discomfort that you are experiencing:

1. Work on your beliefs.

Work on thoughts like "I won't find anyone like this", "I've missed my chance" and a lot of other things along those lines. All those thoughts that you have regarding the relationship and that you take as realities at that moment are are the ones that cause you to feel this great discomfort, anxiety and sadness.. Working on them is key to clarify everything that is happening and feel better.

2. Increase your self-esteem

Feeling inferior or belittling yourself is not going to help you in any way, on the contrary, it will harm you.

You may not be aware of how much it can influence your life today, but having a healthy self-esteem is one of the cornerstones of emotional well-being. having a healthy self-esteem is one of the basic pillars of emotional well-being.. And the ruptures of couple are some of the triggers that do not help to recover that self-esteem.

3. Force yourself to increase your social circle

It is possible that at first you do not feel like it, but it is important to go out. This can help you to clear your head, but also to increase your social circle..

In many cases, after some time together with your partner, you will have many common friends and it is important that you now also find a social space just for you, without being aware of your ex.

4. Make decisions

Maybe at first you don't feel the ability to make the best decisions with clarity; however, you will be able to make the best decisions, deciding which path to take and what actions to take is important, since having some steps to follow gives us calm and tranquility..

A psychologist, through the right techniques and questions, can guide you in this process, helping you to take the perspective that you may not have at that moment.

5. Ask for help if you need it

Nowadays, with all the means available and the easy access to a psychologist through the Internet, it makes no sense to be dragging out the process. it does not make sense to be lengthening the process of suffering..

In Psychologist Sandra Bernal we have the means and the necessary knowledge to help you manage these periods both in person and by video call.