First date jitters: how to manage them, in 8 tips

Tips on how to manage nerves on a first date and make a good first impression.

We are all programmed to feel anxious in certain situations that we perceive as dangerous or risky, either for our physical or psychological integrity.

Therefore, the fact that we have managed to get a first date with that person we like represents both an achievement and a stress factor. On the one hand we are happy to have the opportunity to go out with someone special to us, but on the other hand we feel great pressure not to make mistakes. In this article we are going to see how to manage nerves on the first date regardless of whether we are shy people or not, so that they do not become an impediment to enjoy the evening.

Why do we really get nervous?

As we have seen, nerves on a first date are a response to the fact that we perceive a risk that something could go wrong and make the encounter unpleasant, which would represent an emotional discomfort for us.which would represent an emotional discomfort for us. This is a Biological response that has physical and mental repercussions.

It is natural for all of us to feel nervous about meeting the person we like, because we want everything to go perfectly, just as we have imagined it. In other words, we are mainly responsible for causing our anxiety, with our thinking and expectations.

It is not wrong to be cautious and have expectations regarding our first date, the problem starts when we think that things will go wrong even before we have started dating. Nerves are nothing more than the anxiety we feel caused by the fear of things getting out of our control.

The anxious subject presents a catastrophic thought pattern, in which he/she imagines that things will inevitably end up going wrong, regardless of everything.in which he/she imagines that things will inevitably end up going wrong, regardless of everything. This situation causes a series of physical and psychological consequences that represent a significant discomfort.

Some of the physical consequences can be excessive sweating, headache, muscle tension, hand tremors, etc. Regarding the psychological consequences, there is often a tendency to isolation, thoughts of rejection towards oneself, and inadequate feelings in general.

How to manage anxiety on the first date

Now we will look at a list of several practical tips to help you overcome first date jitters.

1. Consider that the other person may also be nervous.

The idea that the other person may also be going through the same nervous situation as you is somewhat reassuring, as it it creates a sense of a level playing field for both of you.. It is not at all unreasonable for this to be the case, as nerves are natural.

2. Adopt a positive mindset

Negative thoughts, which are usually involuntary and intrusive, are combated with voluntary positive thoughts.are combated with voluntary positive thoughts. What we are going to do is to make every unpleasant thought we have be associated with a pleasant stimulus or thought.

For example, if we have the idea that our date will be a disaster because we do not know how to keep a conversation going for too long, and we are afraid of awkward silences, we respond that this time it will be different because we have prepared for this situation.

3. Pre-date preparation

Preparation prior to the event is key to reducing anxiety.It is a matter of imagining the different scenarios that could occur during the meeting, and identifying those situations where we could have difficulties.

If we fear that at some point during the date we might run out of conversation topics, then we look for a way to prevent that from happening.

4. Have confidence in yourself

Preparation helps a lot to keep nerves at bay during the first date, but beyond having previously prepared ourselves for the encounter, we must be able to be confident in ourselves. we must be able to be self-confidentWe can build on our strengths and virtues.

It won't matter too much if something gets out of control during the date, or if there is a sudden change of plans that you haven't taken into consideration. If you are a confident person, you will be able to deal with that scenario without any problems. Keep in mind that the other person agreed to go out with you because he or she likes you.

5. Avoid unrealistic expectations

A common way to self-sabotage a first date is to create in our minds a set of expectations that are too difficult to meet. By doing this we are signing an early sentence of failure. We should avoid imagining overly elaborate scenariosIt is better to take things slowly.

6. Choose a place that brings you comfort

If it is within your reach, choose a place where you can feel comfortable, so that the tranquility that this place generates in you can be reflected in your attitude towards the other person. towards the other person. It can be a place you have been before and consider suitable for a first date.

7. Choose a fun activity

Having chosen the right place, it remains to see what alternatives there are to do in that place. It's always a good idea to choose something that will be fun for both of you.. Don't think only of yourself when making decisions, remember that the other person may have different tastes. The best thing to do is to make the decision together, ask him/her what he/she likes to do. Of course, do not try to satisfy only their tastes or interests or you may feel out of place. The best thing to do is to think about what you have in common or can have in common. That way, the fun will quickly lead you to lose your nerves and focus on the here and now.

8. Choose your clothes wisely

Choosing the wardrobe is important; sometimes it happens that we do not give the necessary importance to this aspect and then we feel uncomfortable when we are on our date. The best thing to do is to take the necessary precautions and evaluate well what is the best choice depending on the place where we are going.

Remember that the most important thing is to the most important thing is to wear something that we feel comfortable with and that we associate with our way of being and behaving.Wearing something out of pure social pressure or to try to fit in with what we think the other person expects from us is not advisable if what you want is to prevent anxiety problems on a date.

Bibliographical references:

• Hofmann, S.G., Dibartolo, P.M. (2010). Introduction: Toward an Understanding of Social Anxiety Disorder. Social Anxiety.
• Lindzey, G. and Aronson, E. (1985), The handbook of social psychology. New York: McGraw Hill.
• Sylvers, P.; Lilienfeld, S.O.; LaPrairie, J.L. (2011). Differences between trait fear and trait anxiety: implications for psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review. 31(1): pp. 122 - 137.