How to explain to a child that he/she has ADHD?

Tips on how to make a young child understand that he/she has been diagnosed with ADHD.

We have gone for a consultation worried about our son, who does not sit still, gets bad grades and is getting on our nerves. After a long process of testing, the psychologist informs us that our child has ADHD.

We are relieved to know that the child is not doing it on purpose, nor does he/she have an intellectual disability or that we have failed as parents. Discovering that it can be improved with treatment helps.

However, at this point a problem arises: how to tell them. This is a very common situation for parents who have just found out about this diagnosis, and they don't know how to explain to a child who has an intellectual disability. don't know how to explain to a child that he or she has ADHD.. Well, next we will see how to do it.

How do you explain to a child that he/she has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Many families have a child who seems to be misbehaving. In some of these cases they are restless and impulsive and have learning difficulties, and these problems begin to deteriorate relationships at home, school and other environments. and these problems begin to deteriorate relationships at home, school and other environments in which the child develops. Parents become concerned and decide to see a psychologist to evaluate what is wrong.

Once they go to the consultation, the professional performs the relevant tests to find out if it is a case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Once it is confirmed that the child has the disorder, the professional informs the parents. The parents are psychoeducated, understanding what this disorder is, its symptoms, what to expect and the treatment that the professional will perform.

However, although parents are relieved to know that their child's problem is not due to poor parenting or intellectual disability, they are left with one question: Should they tell their child that he or she has ADHD? They are not sure whether explaining it to their child will outweigh the harm.They fear that the child will see himself as "mentally ill," that he is crazy and will come to believe that he is a danger to himself and others.

Why is it important to tell him that he has this disorder?

It is very important to explain to him that he has this disorder. The reason why it is so important to tell him that he has adhd is because, no matter how young he is, he already knows that he behaves in ways that are dangerous to himself and others, he already knows that he behaves in a problematic way that is very different from his peers and friends.. You notice that he doesn't concentrate like others, that he moves around too much and can't help it, that he has trouble learning, and that sometimes others don't want to play with him.

His problem will become more evident the longer he goes without professional help. As the child gets older, more impulse control is expected at school and the curriculum becomes more complicated. As the child with ADHD has problems in self-control and it is difficult for him to pay attention, it is expected that he will have more behavioral problems in class, in addition to his academic performance will be worse and worse. That is why it is so necessary to identify him/her as soon as possible, and to involve him/her in the treatment.

It is also important to explain it to them because, If this is not done, there is a risk that his self-esteem and self-concept will be seriously damaged.. As the child sees that, no matter how much effort he puts into it, he does not manage to keep up with his classmates, he will begin to believe that he is "stupid". Also, since others will see him as the most restless, rowdy, inattentive child in the class, he will begin to believe that he is lazy and a bad person. Avoiding explaining the subject will cause more anxiety and frustration to the child.

How to do it.

In order to explain to the child what he/she has, three fundamental aspects must be taken into account. The first one is the age, since it is not the same to tell an 8-year-old child than to a 16-year-old adolescent. The second one is their maturity level, which may be different from what is expected for their age. Finally, there is their level of understanding, given that, despite the fact that the disorder hides it, the child may be more intelligent (or less) than children of their age.

No matter how professional the psychologist may be, if the patient does not want to cooperate, it is difficult to make a therapy successful.. A child who does not know why he/she has to go to the psychologist will feel confused and, to make matters worse, will think that they are hiding information from him/her, which is true. This will make him more afraid and he will not trust the psychologist because he will see him as someone who has colluded with his parents to deceive him.

For this reason parents, once they know the diagnosis, should explain to their child what he/she has. It is essential that when the explanation is given the child has understood that he/she behaves this way not because he/she lacks intelligence or is a bad child, but because he/she has a problem that causes him/her to be this way. It is necessary to that no one is perfect, that we all have weaknesses and strengths and that we can improve as people. and that we can improve as people. It should also be explained that he/she will receive help from a psychologist and/or take medication.

When it comes to explaining it, we can mention behaviors that the child has done in the past related to the following ADHD symptoms: lack of attention, poor impulse control, difficulties in social relationships, lack of autonomy and lack of reflexivity, among others. It is quite likely that the child will ask questions like "Is it because of this that I never sit still?", "Is this why I don't pay attention in class?" or "Is this why you tell me to stop so many times?".

Letting him ask questions is the best way for him to understand what is happening to him.. He will then identify all the difficulties that may be related to ADHD and, in this way, he will be able to understand them better and learn how to deal with them. As the child recognizes ADHD in himself and learns what is happening to him, he will begin to realize that the things that are happening to him are due to something that is not his fault, and he will be able to cope with them.

How to help him accept his situation

As we have already mentioned, the child is probably very frustrated because he is not doing well in class, despite all the effort he makes. He may also feel depressed because on more than one occasion he has been told that he is too noisy, restless, rude, off-center, that he doesn't care about what the teacher says, that he behaves badly with the rest of his classmates... Because of all this, his self-esteem and self-concept are at rock bottom.

For this reason, the family should make an effort to avoid making the child's actions labels that define him/her.. Our actions do not define us as we are, even though we often do them. Also, to improve their self-esteem, especially once treatment has begun, it is essential to highlight any achievement they have made, whether attributed to treatment or not. If he is behaving well, if his grades are going up, if he is sitting still in class and other behaviors that would be considered "normal" for children his age.

When it is known that the child has ADHD, the family must normalize this fact. That is to say, we cannot present the disorder as an insurmountable impediment, that there is no solution to the problem. What the child should be made to understand is that there is an accumulation of circumstances that make it difficult for him to keep up with his peers, but with a little help, he can catch up with them. It is necessary to explain to him that facing difficulties is something fundamental, and it is something that can be learned.

In case the child has older siblings, it is very important to make them understand that their little brother has this problem, and that they should help their parents.and that they should help their parents to normalize this situation. The older ones, if they are teenagers, will understand the problem in a more adult-like way. However, it is very important that you do not go ahead of your parents and talk to your sibling with ADHD, as there is a risk that you will not be able to explain it properly and you will think that he or she is "mentally ill".

To facilitate the process, it never hurts to seek support from local ADHD groups, such as associations, centers and foundations, in addition to the professional help offered by psychologists and psychiatrists. It is also essential to ask the school if it has any special program to teach this type of children, in addition to making their teacher understand that the child has this problem, which explained their academic problems.

To help children cope with the stigma it is highly recommended to look for informative children's stories about ADHD, adapted to their age. It is essential to demystify false beliefsIf they have been unlucky enough to hear a nasty comment at school, remind them of the good things they have and why the way they behave is not their fault. Posting a list of the good things they have and hanging it on the fridge is a good option.

References:

• Knouse, L. E.; Safren, S. A. (2010). Current status of cognitive behavioral therapy for adult attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. The Psychiatric Clinics of North America. 33(3): pp. 497 - 509.
• Lange, K.W.; Reichl, S.; Lange, K.M.; Tucha, L.; Tucha, O. (2010). The history of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders. 2(4): pp. 241 - 255.
• Verkuijl, N.; Perkins, M.; Fazel, M. (2015). Childhood attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. [Childhood attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.] BMJ (en inglés) (BMJ Publishing Group Ltd) 350: h2168.
• Wolraich, M.L.; Hagan, J.F.; Allan, C.; Chan, E.; Davison, D.; Earls, M.; Evans, S.W.; Flinn, S.K.; Froehlich, T.; Frost, J.; Holbrook, J.R.; Lehmann, C.U.; Lessin, H.R.; Okechukwu, K.; Pierce, K.L.; Winner, J.D.; Zurhellen, W.; Subcommittee on children and adolescents with attention-deficit/hyperactive, disorder. (2019). Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and Adolescents. Pediatrics. 144(4): e20192528.