Conscious listening: why loving listening matters

Conscious listening helps to deepen our relationships and improves communication.

Try to imagine a situation in which you were trying to tell a friend something and he/she kept interrupting you with phrases like: "the same thing happened to me when..." and starts telling you his/her personal anecdote without allowing you to finish yours. Or when you try to tell him about an argument you had with a friend and he tries to ask you questions that divert the thread of the conversation: "By the way, how is your father?

Although we often do it unconsciously, this type of interruptions is a clear sign of absence of attention, active listening, empathy and, also, love. It is not conscious, or deep, listening. And this has consequences in our social relationships.

What is conscious listening?

Deep or conscious listening is the type of listening in which attention, empathy and love for the other person reside. attention, empathy and love for the other person.. It is an act of generosity, because through listening we give our interlocutor time and space in our mind and heart, as if we were welcoming a guest by making room for him/her in our inner house.

Human beings have the need to be listened to, so the lack of this element can hinder the interaction of the relationship. can hinder the interaction of the social relationship and lead to conflict.. In this way, it is difficult for the relationship to prosper and be fruitful, since there is no real communicative exchange between the two that originates from love. It works as if we were saying to the other: "There is no room for you in me".

The truth is that most people do not know how to listen. Often, we do not pay enough attention to the person next to us. Not only because of the amount of stimuli we receive from our surroundings (for example, the cell phone).

This also happens because we are immersed we are immersed in our own mental noise; our attention is taken away by our thoughts.. We are more aware of what is going on in our mind, of our worries, of what we want to say next or of giving an immediate answer to our interlocutor than of practicing a true conscious listening with the other, allowing him/her space and time to express him/herself, to practice silence and then to participate when it is time to do so.

How can we change this habit? The fundamental thing is to change habits.

What to do.

When you listen to a person, do not limit yourself to do it only with your mind; listen to them with your whole body. At the same time that you listen to what they say, pay attention to the sensations of your body. In this way, you will move your attention away from your thoughts and redirect it towards your body, creating a quiet space that will allow you to listen without mental interference, leaving a space for it to enter you and relating to it from love, with love.

If at first you find it difficult to practice it with another person, you can start by listening to your body through meditation, or through external stimuli, such as paying attention to your body through meditation, or through external stimuli, such as paying attention to your body through meditation.For example, paying attention to the sound of the rain.

When we practice conscious listening with others (it should be always) we will pay attention not only to the spoken communication but also to the non-verbal language; we will observe details such as the tone of voice, the volume, the speed of speech, facial and body expressions... In this way, we will have a broader vision of the message that they want to convey to us. The idea is to try to go beyond the superficial message they are conveying.

The practice of deep listening has a great therapeutic power for both interlocutors. This is so because it allows the listener to follow a path free of judgments and full of acceptance. a path free of judgments and full of acceptance, and for the listener toand the listener to silence mental interference and generate a state of calm.

If we modify our listening habits to practice conscious listening, we will transform our way of relating to others; leaving aside the superficial mind-mind interaction to become a true and deep interaction of human beings who communicate from their essence.

Cultivate the conscious listener within you and learn to listen from love.