The regulation of emotions in childhood

How to act in a situation where someone needs our psychological help?

On many occasions we tend to downplay the importance of issues related to the expression of emotions in children.

It is quite common to believe that day-to-day events or extraordinary events do not affect them and they do not notice when there are problems. and they do not notice when there are problems at home, at school, or when some of their classmates are not feeling well, but it is precisely at this stage of their lives when the care and management of emotions and feelings needs more attention.

Emotional management in children

Childhood is the basis of how we will act as adults.. To better visualize this fact, we could imagine that our children are little adults and the function of us as parents, tutors, teachers or therapists is to provide them with tools that they will use throughout their growth.

To achieve this I would like to explain some tips that can be applied both at home and at school, in the first step to achieve the regulation of emotions and feelings.

Emotion and feeling in childhood

To begin with, I would like to mention the difference between two concepts, which can sometimes be somewhat confusing, and then go a little deeper into the content and thus serve as an emotional guide for our children, students, family members, etc. We are talking about the distinction between feelings and emotions.

Types of emotions

Emotions appear before conscious sensation; it is an organic reaction accompanied by physical changes. They are of innate origin and their response is accompanied or influenced by our experiences, they generally appear abruptly and are transient.

It is considered that there are 6 basic categories of emotions.

• Anger: We tend to experience it as an overwhelming experience, we may believe that we are losing control of our actions. We also know it as rage, anger, resentment, fury or irritability.
• AversionAversion: It allows us to avoid food poisoning or any other type of food poisoning. It is also known as disgust or repulsion. In social interactions, it occurs when we move away from someone or some situation because we dislike it.
• Sadness: Related to grief, loneliness or pessimism. It can be present with the same intensity in both children and adults and can sometimes be used to create empathy in the other.
• SurpriseEmotion that provokes surprise, astonishment or bewilderment by a situation or event.
• Joy: Also expressed with euphoria, gratification, and gives a sense of well-being and security.

Although the emotion of love is not considered within the first six basic emotions, it is important to remember the value it represents and how deep it can be, even in children.

Types of feelings

On the other hand, but closely related to the emotions, are feelings. These are the result or consequence of emotions.

They refer to an affective state of mind usually of long duration, and usually remain more in time compared to emotions. That is why when someone is in love with another person they might say "I feel like I have fallen in love with you" and not "my emotion is infatuation for you".

Tips for managing emotions in children

Let us now apply this theoretical distinction in practice to help children regulate their emotions.

1. Knowing and recognizing emotions (the transient)

Many elements are involved in the child's development. The cognitive maturation of each one is unique; their development or process will depend, among other things, on the environment provided at home, the relationship with their relatives, the relationship with their peers and the educational environment provided at school. However, generally around the age of 2 years one could start teaching them to recognize emotions in themselves. This will greatly help them to feel more in control of their emotions, feelings, thoughts and reactions to adverse or everyday situations. to adverse or day-to-day situations.

To recognize emotions we must first know them. We tend to think that it is something obvious for the little ones, but it is important to explain to them that there are different emotions and the difference with feelings. The main emphasis will be that the child should understand that an emotion of anger, for example, is temporary, and for parents the most important thing is to know that the presence of this emotion does not define their children.

How to apply this advice?

To achieve the learning of emotions, feelings and their difference, we can use different tools; for example, we could use books. Nowadays you can find a great variety of children's books specially designed for teaching emotions. Some of the ones I would like to recommend are; "Sad Monster, Happy Monster", "Little Edu is not angry", "Tough guys, they have feelings too", "Coco and Tula: Feelings!".

For slightly older children and teenagers, "Labyrinth of the Soul", "The Diary of Emotions" and "Rain and Sugar Recipes" are easily available books and can even be purchased via online. Reading helps the child to visualize and internalize situations and to understand how the characters reacted to different events, thus relating it to his or her life. For example, if some of the characters in the story are upset, the child will surely relate it to some current situation, "my friend is upset with me". For the reading to be more effective, it can be done together with them in a moment of intimacy and total attention to the activity. It is important to listen to the ideas that the child has to say about certain impressions and to clarify doubts.

Another way to teach about emotions, both at home and at school, is dramatization.. After the parents or teachers have improvised a small play, (it does not have to be something so organized, in fact a little improvisation would not hurt) they can go together exploring and expressing the different situations that require the expression of different emotions and feelings, acting in front of a mirror could help the visualization and internalization of them.

2. Accepting emotions

Acceptance is a broad concept, and I would like to emphasize that this point is not about accepting a bad behavior or a bad reaction to an emotion, but accepting that the child is feeling a certain emotion.

Some parents wonder why their child is sad, or the teacher wonders why that child is upset, for example. As parents we think that children have no responsibilities, no bills to pay or explanations to the bank. The teacher might consider that she has planned the most fun lesson of the month, but "that child" is still angry and that is where I would like to see the term accept. We must accept that children get excited even if the emotion is sadness, anger, disgust, fear... as a society we have put positive emotions on the podium, but the not so positive ones are also part of us and we must feel them.

3. Manifestation of emotions

I will not say that this is the most complex step, but it is the one that possibly requires the most effort, both for the adult and for the child.for both the adult and the child. The way we express our emotions is constructed and made up of many elements. Generally, children imitate their parents or the people with whom they spend most of their time. If we as adults usually hit things in a moment of anger, we cannot demand that the little ones in the house do not do the same, since they will do it, in front of their parents or not. To teach our children how to express emotions we must be a model for them.

The way of expressing emotions is accompanied by coherent thoughts. These can trigger strong feelings of, for example, despair, which can lead us to do things we don't really want to do. In other words, what we think drives us to act in one way or another. To help keep thoughts from overwhelming them, it is important to agree on limits, thus helping to keep thoughts from getting out of hand, so to speak.

As adults we must establish what is allowed and what is not.If you are very upset, you can tear up leaves or newsprint, but you cannot hit your younger sibling," for example. Limits must be discussed and agreed upon by both sides, both children and parents, and it is important to remember that you do not negotiate or talk to them when they are in the middle of a tantrum.

It is more than clear the complexity of what we want to ask our children, but the most important thing is that they understand that an emotion is temporary. And we, as adults, must understand that this emotion does not define the child, and more importantly, that we must avoid reinforcing certain types of labeled behavior. we must avoid reinforcing certain types of behavior by labeling it with comments such as "he's a bad boy", "we always come hereor "every time we come over here you cry" or "the same tantrum every morning".

Considering children's ages

With the application of limits in the manifestation of emotions, the first change that may be reflected will be a less explosive response, but the final result will be achieved after much perseverance. But We must also take into account the age of the child we are trying to educate..

In this regard, we must remember several elements: until the age of two, tantrums are very common, and transitions or changes from one activity to another also give rise to the onset of a strong tantrum. Therefore, my best advice, regardless of the child's age, is to anticipate them: "in five minutes we will go to the doctor" (even though up to a certain age they are not clearly aware of time, you can mention the time to them, they will understand that there will be a change soon). Constant communication will be the best ally for parents.

4. Express assertively

Assertive communication will be our ultimate goal. Getting the child to say what he/she feels and why will be the greatest achievement. For this we must provide the necessary confidence so that he/she can believe in him/herself, and in this way he/she will be able to identify his/her emotions more easily.

Concluding

There are many concerned parents attending medical and psychological appointments because of their children's temper tantrums. and that is the most recommended thing to do. But as parents we should stop for a moment, stop looking at our children and start observing them closely. An emotional discomfort could be caused by elements that we ourselves could modify. For example, food. Other reasons could be problems or difficulties related to sleep, which can range from a light that bothers at bedtime or the lack of it, a very high or low temperature in the room, etc. The causes can be multiple.

In the case that several physical elements have been verified, we move on to consider the psychological elements and if the child continues with strong emotional responses, (remember that "bad behaviors" are usually a wake-up call that something is wrong), then the best thing to do is to take the child for a medical and psychological check-up.