Adolescence and pandemic: what to do to avoid being overwhelmed parents

Tips on how to set rules at home when raising adolescents in the face of COVID-19.

While parenting is a complex activity in general, we know that the adolescent stage involves a number of the adolescent stage involves a series of complications which, in times of pandemic, can be aggravated by the leisure limitations and restrictions that some families try to impose. that some families try to impose.

The first thing we can point out is that the perception of risk is subjective, that is, each person can perceive and interpret the dangers with a subjective and personal scale that can be very different in some cases and in others. It seems that the adolescent stage is characterized by a low awareness of risk in the face of supposed dangers.

It is also very important to say that at the present time there are many young people who behave in an absolutely responsible manner and are aware of not endangering older people or those who may be more vulnerable to infection by COVID-19, but this is not the case in all cases.

This perception of risk can generate family conflicts when it comes to imposing rules, schedules and limitations of contact in social relationship groups. relationship groups. Therefore, it is important to generate a dialogue supported by arguments, including data, to accompany the rules or criteria that are intended to be imposed.

Raising adolescents in the context of the pandemic: how to set limits?

It is important to keep in mind that adolescence is a stage in which there is usually a tendency to the claim, to rebellion as a way to achieve autonomy and differentiation from parents.. Boys and girls of this age need to experience their own decision making and rebellion to a greater or lesser extent against the rules that they want to impose. Although this trait is to be expected, it is convenient that it occurs within acceptable limits.

In order to propose some aspects to guide families, we are going to detail the factors that are important to take into account when establishing criteria and effective guidelines within the family.

Coherence and congruence between what is said and done

Sometimes an indication of the type "what you have to do is..." is intended to be followed, but adults behave differently and with arbitrary criteria that are not the same as those required. This undermines the arguments is a clear invitation not to comply with the requirements. because it makes them unimportant. If fathers and mothers do otherwise, a comparative grievance is created since their guidelines are based on the power they believe they have over their sons and daughters.

2. Make a common front

In many families, it is well known who of the parents is stricter and who is more permissive, or there is a well-organized strategy of misdirection that allows that, while mom and dad argue to reach an agreement, the kids get their own way, for the reason that "when the river is troubled, the fishermen's gain".

It is very important that there is a common front, that there is the necessary dialogue between the parents, without the details being revealed.It is very important that there is a common front, that there is the necessary dialogue between the parents, without the details being revealed and only the result is communicated with respect to the agreed permissions.

3. Explaining the rules from the point of view of responsibility

It is important that the rules are obeyed and complied with, and this is usually easier when they are understood.

Explaining the reasons, arguing the decision is usually an element that helps to abide by and understand the criteria, as well as to avoid an arbitrary or capricious decision. and understanding of the criteria, as well as to avoid an arbitrary or capricious decision.

4. Proportionality in the consequences

When the time comes to impose a punishment, sanction or limit rights due to a breach of one of the criteria, it is important not to be carried away by the impulse of immediate anger.

It is not good to jump in with a barrage of punishments, sanctions and limitations, in full anger and boiling rage, so that, after a few hours or days, the situation is reversed and not even half of the criteria is fulfilled. and not even half of what was said is fulfilled.

This variation of criteria also takes authority away from parents, makes them seem inconsistent in front of their adolescents and weakens them. It is better to take some time, think it over, reach a consensus between mother and father and communicate it jointly and calmly. In addition, it is better to approach the idea as consequences and not so much as punishment.

5. Presence of both parents in the dialogues of important or significant situations.

This aspect is similar to the one explained above, but not exactly the same. It is necessary that some decisions are communicated jointly, whenever possible, because this gives them the importance and forcefulness necessary to be communicated. and forcefulness necessary to be perceived as such and prevents the effect of trying to find the gaps in the particular points of view of each parent.

6. Understand without attacking and without being vulnerable

This point needs to be expanded further. We cannot impose any criteria or standards on our adolescents without showing empathy and understanding and, at the same time, without attacking them. and, at the same time, without attacking or belittling them.

Respect is not only a basic, but a primary ingredient in any human relationship. Respect cannot be expected if respect is not shown, hence it is essential not to attack, insult or belittle. It is better to understand and empathize, but without doubting the standard you want to establish and without showing doubts or vulnerability.

Concluding

It is clear that these elements do not constitute an infallible recipe, but we are incorporating essential ingredients to improve the effectiveness of communication and education and avoid feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of this great task. Courage with it!