Gratuitous cruelty: possible causes and psychological consequences

Seemingly gratuitous cruelty is often explained by the emotional management of the offender.

It is sometimes disheartening to see how some of our brightest and most capable clients come to consultation with their lives almost destroyed.

And almost all of them have one thing in common: they have been victims of gratuitous crueltyAlthough, as we will see throughout the article, in reality, cruelty is almost never gratuitous.

What do we mean by cruelty?

If we define cruelty as the pleasure obtained by hurting someone, we can leave aside physical, verbal or moral aggressions that have a purely functional character, such as those aimed at obtaining economic benefits or a better position in the work environment.

The cruelty we are going to talk about here is the one that covers most of the aggressions we see on a daily basis, which are usually due to more unconscious motives. And it is important for us to be aware of the subject because one of the biggest problems our clients encounter is that they feel they are victims of attacks and do not know why..

Much of the psychological literature attributes these behaviors to the natural tendencies of psychopaths or narcissistic perverts, but if this were so, it would affect only a small part of the population. But the truth is that the daily reality we encounter is very different.

We continually see how normal people carry out attacks, often from anonymity, aimed at undermining the self-esteem and well-being of other people who, at least in appearance, have done nothing to deserve it. And most of the time, it is due to a deep sense of inadequacy or inferiority of the people who carry out the attacks.

Often, at an unconscious level, they perceive their victim as superior in some aspect: physical, intellectual or emotional. They see the other person as more attractive, intelligent, creative, happy, fortunate... and they can't stand it. Because the truth is that no one likes to feel inferior.

It is very important to understand that these differences are often only in the mind of the aggressor, that they are not real. But the truth is that the strategy of these people is to undermine the quality of life of the other person to feel superior themselves.

Forms of attacks

You can attack the physique, self-esteem, relationships or any other important element of that person's life. Often attacks can be anonymous, as in cases of cyberbullying or slander.

Other times they may be direct attacks when the other person is perceived to be helpless.. Personal ties, family ties, level of trust, social position or the specific context in which it is known that the reaction of the other person is hindered can be used.

Generally, this type of aggression is carried out in a context of impunity a context of impunity in which the victim does not want to, cannot or does not know how to defend himself/herself.. Therefore, a situation of permanent or transitory weakness often favors this type of attack.

But other times, the motivation is different: sometimes, what the aggressor intends is only to unload his own level of tension and aggressiveness by turning it on another person who puts himself in his sights. And it must be recognized that if there is one thing our society is overflowing with, it is aggressiveness and tension, so that anyone can become a victimizer at any given moment.

A third motivation is the creation of social pyramids, even in the context of relationships of any kind.. By pushing a person to the bottom of the pyramid, the aggressor automatically places him or herself in a preeminent position, thereby reinforcing his or her self-esteem at the expense of another person.

The effects of this cruelty

If these processes are carried out unconsciously, the psychic well-being of the aggressor is not a problem, because through the well-known mechanism of self-justification, plausible reasons will always be found for the victim to be mistreated: she will be attacked for being too conceited, stupid, innocent, rich... always from the aggressor's point of view, of course. All these judgments reveal, in reality, the aggressor's shortcomings.

But let us not forget that there are also people (and they are not few) who are perfectly aware of what they are doing and enjoy the process of and enjoy the process of systematically destroying other people.

If the aggressions are repeated over time, especially if they begin in childhood, they will have a cumulative character that will deteriorate over time. a cumulative character that will deteriorate the psychic structure of the person and cause him/her to organize it around defensive mechanisms.one of which may be to become an aggressor in order not to be assaulted.

Finally, it is interesting to remember that aggressors do not usually come to therapy, because they are either unaware of the process, or they are aware but do not want to give up this type of strategy, as it brings them numerous social and emotional advantages.

Often, clients who come to therapy feel bad, they feel that their world is falling apart, but they are not aware of what they have lived through and what they are still living through.

It is necessary a process of reconstruction of the person's life, of healing of psychic wounds.It is necessary to heal psychic wounds, to discover the person's authentic desires and motivations.

And above all, it is necessary to become aware of one's true worth, talents and abilities.

And it can be said, without a doubt, that when someone decides to rebuild his or her life, the results are always worth it.