How to find oneself in order to be happy?

In these times of noise and frenetic pace, we must learn to reflect on some things.

Traffic, skyscrapers, noise, haste... Post-modern postmodern society is characterized by a frenetic pace, in which time has a price and a specific objective at every moment.

As Zygmunt Bauman postulates in his "Liquid Modernity" (2000), nowadays stability is unfeasible and flexibility is advocated.. This fact means that everything is ephemeral and we must take advantage of it: the information we receive, our virtual presence in social networks, our social and work life, and what about our personal life?

But what about our personal life? Where is our personal life?

A frenetic society that does not allow us to meditate.

In a world where the intimate and self-knowledge are in danger of extinction, the trend towards individual retreat is increasing. The eremitism or solitary confinement is a technique that has been used for spiritual purposes for millennia, but in the process fostered self-discovery. self-discovery. 

Thus, feeling buried under the masses of the cities, the solution is to get away from them. Fray Luis de León already said it in his "Ode to the retired life": "what a restful life, that of the one who flees the worldly noise.

[...] "However, being social beings by definition, in order to be "beings" should we distance ourselves from the "social"?

Benefits of solitude

If eremitism has endured and become a social trend, it is because it brings benefits to people. Surely throughout our lives, we have withdrawn at some point and have felt a strange form of well-being.

• Oxygenate the information processor. Getting away from the crowd means getting away from all your various sources of information. It allows us to reduce the amount of information and our processor to recover from the overload.

• Restore vital rhythm. As with information, our vital rhythm is also accelerated between skyscrapers. It is then that in a place where time does not run away, there is no room for haste or stress.

• Increased sentimentality of secondary information. After the process of information detoxification and with a more serene rhythm, we are able to process elements that we have always seen but, until this moment, not attended.

• Development of beliefs. Without distractors around, we are able to employ all our capacity to process the beliefs that accompanied us when we were in the crowd. Our ideas and values gain clarity and evolve, becoming more complex and contemplating aspects that previously remained foreign.

Dysfunctions of solitude

While all of the above processes are beneficial, also entail certain risks.. Even the staunchest hermits maintained closeness with other people, thus revealing that isolation includes certain deficiencies that cannot be satisfied by itself.

• Building on maladaptive beliefs. Loneliness allows self-discovery through the construction on beliefs. Therefore, if the base beliefs from which we start are dysfunctional, as they gain in complexity, there is also the danger that they will gain in maladaptation.

• Unidimensionality. Isolation and the absence of others make it impossible to contemplate other points of view that enrich oneself.

• Dogmatism of individuality. As long as other perspectives are not acquired and erroneous beliefs are developed, the individuality of the person is increased. In other words, one becomes more singular and one's contact with the world less permeable. This makes the social presentation of the person more difficult, since there is now greater distance and difference from others.

• Social maladjustment of self-discovery. The three previous threats produce that the person can diminish his social skills. Understanding that social life involves interaction between several people, elaborating dysfunctional beliefs, without including others and impermeable, alter the relationship of the person with his social environment.

Self in the group: the key to finding oneself

Clearly, it was to be expected that there could be some inconveniences in loneliness, since every coin has two sides. For this very reason, it is necessary to contemplate other options such as self-knowledge through the group. Normally, group relationships in this sense are characterized by being exclusively dedicated to leisure areas. However, with rules, involvement and intentionality, it is possible for the group to have therapeutic effects that can be extrapolated to the individual level, beyond a few drinks..

• Heterogeneity. The most basic benefit of the group lies in itself: in not being alone. The three basic premises of the group according to Lewin (1951) are interaction, exchange and interdependence; and with them the group is able to share and cooperate. In this way different perspectives and points of view are known, broadening one's own.

• Correction of beliefs. The first effect resulting from group heterogeneity is the correction of one's own beliefs. Sharing allows self-evaluation of one's own beliefs based on those of others, discovering those aspects that did not work and correcting them.

• Addition of beliefs. Many times, the same process of correction implies the inclusion of external beliefs, since including other eyes allows one to see something in different ways.

• Social adaptability of self-discovery.. While in personal development there is a place for the social, there is also the coexistence of how to relate to the social. That is to say, at the same time that different views of the world are acquired, the behavioral repertoire expands, the "what is the most beneficial thing to do".

• Social self-knowledge. In the group, not only the individual self develops, but also the social self. Being in relationship with others implies a way of projecting ourselves before them, a different way of being interpreted by each of the other members and therefore, a unique way of dealing with them. This feedback gives us information about what our social self is like and, many times, we nourish our individual self from it. It is thus beneficial to observe "what I cause" in order to know "what I am".

• Resource management. One last aspect to highlight is that, unlike solitude, groups do not allow so easily an isolation from the intoxication of information or the accelerated pace of life. However, they do have the ability to share these burdens, to share the unrest of stress and anxiety. Thanks to this, the individual's resource management is improved, often necessary since, when descending from the hermitage, one will find oneself back in the worldly noise.

Alone or in company?

Therefore, there is no single option for self-discovery, there is no single option for self-discovery, for finding oneself in this society.. One can either opt for the solitude of isolation or for the company of a group. A determining factor in the choice can be as simple as economic status or dedication. The retreat is a more flexible option, which the person can carry out when he/she plans to do so. This is not the case of the group, since it implies attending to the disposition of different people. Likewise, other difficulties reside in the involvement of each one of them with the group and the resilience necessary to learn to manage it in times of storm.

The options are open: to look or to let oneself be looked at. Just as in front of the mirror, we are aware that we have two eyes, a nose and a mouth; but only in front of the mirror do they show themselves clearly to us.. It is then that we can understand society as a reflection of ourselves. Now, what is more real: could you live without your reflection?

Another important trick: approach every day with positivity.

A few days ago we elaborated a compilation of positive phrases that can help you find yourself and face the day to day with more optimism, energy and good vibes.

You can read them here: "25 short positive phrases to focus better every day". And we also recommend you this compilation: "20 wise phrases to reflect on life". Bibliographical references:

• Bauman, Z. (2000). Modernidad Líquida. Buenos Aires: Fondo de Cultura Económica.
• Lewin, K. (1951). La teoría de campo en la ciencia social. Barcelona: Paidós, 1988.