How to get out of a relationship that is not working? 7 key ideas

Several guidelines on how to get out of a relationship that is not working and avoid unnecessary problems.

How to get out of a relationship that is not working? Although most of us will surely have had to face a situation like this, it is not an easy task.

Relationships are complicated in themselves, and often put us in situations that require us to make decisions, sometimes very painful.

In this article you will find several guidelines on how to get out of a relationship that does not workThe following article is not intended to be a guide for all cases, but rather a small support to turn to if we are forced to face a situation like this.

How to get out of a relationship that does not work

Through these 7 guidelines that we propose in relation to how to get out of a relationship that does not work, we will reflect on the different phases in which we are likely to transit from the moment we doubt our relationship, until we decide to end it and face the dreaded grieving process.

1. Think about what you want

Before figuring out how to get out of a relationship that does not work, it is convenient to be more or less sure of this decision. While it is true that most of the time, when we leave someone, we are not 100% clear about it, many times what we do have clear is that we don't want to continue like this.. So, before deciding anything, think well what you want in your life.

To do this, do this little exercise; visualize yourself in a few years ... do you see yourself with that person? Is it really the future you want? These questions are not easy to answer, but we must try to think about what we want, without letting fear of loneliness or dependence influence our decision.

2. Analyze your current situation

To get to know what exactly we want in our life (or something close to it...), we must analyze our current situation, in this case, with our partner. Are we happy with her?

Or on the contrary, are we always waiting for something to change? It is normal to go through stages of doubt in any area of our life, not only with our partner. However, when these doubts block us and are extended in time, this is not so much.

Think of it this way: something is wrong if you think more about what you lack than what you have... could it be that what you have doesn't really make you happy? You should not be afraid to face this feeling, as it is a legitimate feeling.

On the other hand, if after analyzing the current situation with your partner (how you feel with him/her, what you miss, if you are really happy, if you are compensated for the relationship or if you suffer more than you enjoy, etc.), you realize that something has been wrong for too long (something that perhaps you have already tried to solve, without success), it is time to act.

Because, as Albert Einstein said... "If you are looking for different results, don't always do the same thing".

3. Make a decision

If after going through the previous step, you realize that the current situation with your partner is not what you really want, at this point you can take two directions: stay in the relationship and fight for something that deep down, you know does not work, or terminate the relationship.

The second option is probably the most difficult to take, but also the most liberating, in case you find yourself in a relationship that does not really make you happy.

4. Be firm with the decision

Good, you've made the decision to end the relationship, but now comes the hardest part... sticking with it..

In this step on how to get out of a relationship that is not working, we suggest you to be firm in your decision, especially in the first moments, when everything is more recent and when you are probably more emotionally vulnerable.

What if I made a mistake?

If after the first few days (or weeks, it all depends on the person...) you are not sure that you have chosen the path that made you happy, rethink your decision. Do you regret having ended the relationship?

Don't put pressure on yourself and don't blame yourself for it.As imperfect beings that we are (thank God!) we make mistakes, and it is never too late to rectify them. Change direction if that's how you feel.

5. Take back your life

How do you get out of a relationship that isn't working? Start by getting your life back on track. If you have already gone through the previous point, and you have realized that you really made the right decision, it is time to get back on track, it's time to take your life back into your own hands..

Breakups are usually painful, whether we leave or they leave us, so first of all you will have to assume that the Pain will be there (at least at the beginning), and that you have to face it.

We don't have to hide it or repress it... we're hurting, but it's time to move on.. So, try to get back to your routine and your life, focus on it but also look for activities that motivate you and that "take you out" a little of the day to day, meet with your friends ....

The goal is not to avoid the pain, or not to face it, but to keep you active so that you gradually regain a sense of calm and normalcy.

6. Be flexible with yourself

The sixth step (or guideline) on how to get out of a relationship that is not working is the following: be flexible with yourself. This means that you should not blame yourself for what happened; simply assume that this is the way things have gone.

Being flexible also means giving yourself moments to let go of that sadness, those nerves or that anxiety... In other words, giving yourself "permission" to be bad, to be well when you start to recover, to have moments of weakness... It is likely that, at certain times, you will have doubts: "Did I do the right thing"?

It is normal that from time to time these feelings appear, but think that what you decided you decided for a reason, that it is there, and that there are no right or wrong decisions, only people who, trying to be happy, try, get it right, get it wrong, regret it, struggle...

7. Take care of yourself and listen to yourself

Continuing with the stages of the breakup, if you are at this point, another useful tip is to take care of yourself, another useful tip is to take care of yourself and pamper yourself, and to give yourself spaces and moments for self-reinforcement..

We have all been through a breakup (and if not, someday we will), and although it can be a really hard and complicated time, the road becomes more pleasant if we take care of ourselves, do things we like, eat and sleep well, do some sport, talk to family and friends about what is happening to us...

In addition, taking care of ourselves also means listening to ourselves; listening to both our body and our state of mind (and they are often linked): what do we really feel like? Are we getting enough rest? Are we giving ourselves the love we deserve?

Everything that is betting on our well-being, both physical and mental, will involve small steps towards our recovery and healing. Let us not forget that everything that begins, ends, and that is why it is important to enjoy the present without excessively longing for the past or projecting too much into the future, since the only thing that exists is today. As the sociologist and philosopher Zygmunt Bauman said, "As long as it is alive, love is always on the verge of defeat."

Bibliographical references:

• Cáceres, C., Manhey, C. and Vidal, C. (2009). Separation, loss and couple's grief: Essential reflections for divorce therapy. De familias y terapia, 27: 41-60.
• García, F.E. and Ilabaca, D. 82013). Couple breakup, coping, and psychological well-being in young adults. Ajayu Órgano de Difusión Científica, 11(2): 42-60.
• Ramirez, R.P. (2014). Grief due to partner abandonment. Mexican Association of Thanatology.