How to protect yourself from emotional blackmail?

The keys to avoid being a victim of emotional blackmail in personal relationships.

Resorting to emotional blackmail to achieve some purpose is a phenomenon that occurs relatively frequently in life.

Obviously, not all people use this technique with the same frequency or with the same expertise. In this article we will talk about the implications that this mechanism has, but above all, how we can protect ourselves in order to try not to fall victims of emotional blackmailor to do it as little as possible.

What does emotional blackmail consist of?

If someone wants to know how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail, it is essential that first of all they know exactly what this expression refers to, as it can sometimes lead to confusion or not be treated with the accuracy with which it should be treated in order to identify it without any doubt.

Emotional blackmail is a behavior by which, the blackmailer tries to make the blackmailed person give in to pressure to perform a certain action due to the feeling of guilt, fear or obligation that it has generated. that it has generated. In this way, the subject who ends up giving in to blackmail, is carrying out a behavior that he/she did not really want to perform and that only satisfies the interests of the blackmailer.

This is considered a form of control and in some cases even of mistreatmentdepending on the type of actions being forced and the context and relationship between the two people. That is why it is essential to know how to protect oneself from emotional blackmail, which we will discuss later.

Fear, obligation and guilt are the psychological tools used by those who use emotional blackmail. FOG (fear, obligation, guilt), which stands for fog, serves to illustrate the way in which these individuals manage to cloud their victims' judgment to get them to do what they want, even when they know they shouldn't do it, don't have to do it, or don't want to do it.

None of that matters when a blackmailer succeeds in coercing an individual and convinces them of what they should do. Some people have a special facility for using this technique, and no scruples about doing so. On the other hand, some subjects will be more vulnerable to being victims of this fact, so they are the ones who should pay special attention to how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail.

6 tips to protect yourself from emotional blackmail

You are not always safe from emotional blackmail, but there are certain methods that, to some extent, reduce the chances of falling into it.. Below we will explore different techniques and resources to learn how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail.

1. Establish limits

It is clear that the first barrier against blackmail is none other than the establishment of clear and firm boundaries.. Obviously, not all people will have the same capacity to carry out this task and to be categorical when marking red lines that the blackmailer will not be able to cross, no matter how much he uses fear, guilt and obligation.

Knowing how to protect yourself from emotional blackmail involves realizing the importance of these limits. Moreover, they must be consistent, because if weakness is shown at any given moment or any exception is made, a precedent will have been set that will be the perfect excuse for the blackmailer to continue perpetrating his deeds repeatedly.

That is why, once we have decided the limit that we do not want to cross in any way in front of the action that is trying to force us to perform, can be made explicit and communicate that in no way is going to yield the position.The person who is trying to blackmail us can stop wasting time in a situation that is not going to bear any fruit.

2. Power statement

Another of the keys on how to protect oneself from emotional blackmail is precisely to make a statement of power. This issue is closely linked to the establishment of limits, but it is not exactly the same thing. What the statement of power refers to is the demonstration that the individual will be firm in the limits he or she has decided to set. demonstration that the individual will be firm in the limits he or she has decided to set and therefore will not give in to blackmail. and therefore will not give in to blackmail.

It is a way of making the blackmailer see that, no matter how much pressure he decides to exert, alluding to arguments of fear, obligation and guilt, one is going to remain strong and therefore all the effort is going to be in vain, since he is not going to achieve the intentions he had in trying to make him fall into emotional blackmail.

The ability to make that statement of firmness is not the same in all people, so some will have an easier time than others. As was the case with boundaries, if we want the technique to be effective, we must be consistent and accompany the declaration of power with the right attitude, effectively keeping ourselves as consistent as possible.We must be as firm as we have declared that we were going to do.

3. Training assertiveness

As we said, not all individuals have the same facility to use these strategies, along the lines of how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail. But one way to facilitate their use is precisely by working on assertiveness. If we learn to communicate a message, however strong it may be, in a respectful and natural way, we will have gained a lot of ground in this respect.

Through assertiveness we will be able to validate the blackmailer's own feelings but also our own, and let him know that it is not possible to accede to his requests, no matter how insistent he may be.We will be able to respond calmly and with a respectful, but absolutely firm attitude.

Assertiveness is valid for many other situations, so it is a particularly valuable skill, which is therefore worth training.

4. Self-esteem work

As well as assertiveness, it is also a great idea to work on self-esteem. Many blackmailers know the vulnerabilities of their victims and take advantage of this to achieve their goals. One of the most obvious is precisely a low self-esteem. Therefore, proper training can serve, among many other things, to know how to protect oneself from emotional blackmail.

Logically, training self-esteem is not a simple task. If you do not have the right tools to do so, the best option is to consult a psychologist, who will accompany you in this process.who will accompany you in this process and will show you the ways in which you can achieve your goal.

As with assertiveness, self-esteem is enormously valuable for countless situations, not only to gain strength in order to avoid emotional blackmail. Therefore, all the work carried out with the intention of reinforcing it will always be a success and worthwhile.

5. Mirror technique

Continuing with the techniques that help us to know how to protect ourselves from emotional blackmail, we come to the mirror. This is a relatively simple but powerful strategy. The idea is to return to the blackmailer the argument of guilt, obligation or fear that is being thrown at us..

In that sense, if he asks us to perform a certain behavior, which we do not want to do, because otherwise certain things will happen, we can make him see that in reality those unpleasant things could happen if we decide to do the task he is asking us to do. Using the mirror tactic, we can return the blackmail attempt over and over again, until we get him to give up.

6. Negotiation

Although up to now, the techniques on how to protect oneself from emotional blackmail that we have seen have been along the lines of being firm in the task of not giving in and not performing in any case the task that has been demanded of us, the reality is that there are other ways that respond to intermediate points.

If we do not want to do that particular task, but we do want to do a similar one, or partially instead of totally, we can try to negotiate with the alleged blackmailer. Obviously, this type of tactic this type of tactic should only be carried out if we really have an interest in the behavior that has been asked of us, otherwise the best option would be to draw the line and not give in..

If the specific situation causes both people to benefit, even to a certain extent, it may be interesting to negotiate, and not to accept from emotional blackmail but from the desire to participate in the requested activity, in search of the reward that will be obtained.

This list does not include all, but some of the most important tactics so that, henceforth, people who need to know how to protect themselves from emotional blackmail.

Bibliographical references:

• Chen, S.Y. (2010). Relations of Machiavellianism with emotional blackmail orientation of salespeople. Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences. Elsevier
• Forward, S., Frazier, D. (1997). Emotional blackmail. Bantam.
• Lin, W.R., Chen, H.T., Luo, S.T. (2020). Relationships among emotional blackmail, job frustration, turnover intention for tour leaders. Anatolia. Taylor & Francis.
• Liu, C.C., Jhuang, S.Y. (2016). The study of emotional blackmail toward consumer purchasing intention-moderating variables of Self-Esteem. Xing Xiao Ping Lun.