How to start a conversation with whomever you want, in 6 steps

Being able to start talking to whoever we want is a liberating experience.

Relating with others is something basic and fundamental to have a satisfactory life; but it is not always easy. And the fact is that, believe it or not, knowing how to start a conversation properly is a liberating experience, knowing how to start a conversation in the right way can become a problem in certain situations, even for the most extraverted people.

Now, although for many people this means leaving the comfort zone, the art of starting to talk to whoever we want is a skill that can be learned.

Learning to know how to start a conversation

Something as simple as knowing how to start a conversation spontaneously with someone we are interested in can be what makes the difference between having a full social life or not having one.. Some people are so afraid of this type of situation that they end up isolating themselves and having few friends, which in turn is a way of having a rather small social support network.

Here are some basics on how to start a conversation.

1. Learn to tolerate failure

The first thing you need to be clear about is that no matter how much you read, it will only help you to know what strategies to follow to deal with this facet of your social life; it is impossible to learn this kind of thing without having gone through practice. And that means that, necessarily, we will have to go through somewhat uncomfortable situations to achieve a medium and long term goal that is much more beneficial than the slight discomfort of leaving the comfort zone at the beginning.

There is no magic recipe that will solve the issue overnight without any effort. The key is to know how to make that effort productive.

2. Don't be a perfectionist about timing

Almost anywhere is a good place to start a conversation, as long as the other person is not in a hurry. Sometimes, stopping to analyze whether the context is propitious to approach someone and start a dialogue is nothing more than an excuse (masked under rationality) to pass up those opportunities.

3. At the beginning, opt for questions

When you start practicing how to start conversationsWhen you start practicing how to start conversations, the fact that you will probably feel nervous and anxious will limit your range of action. So it's good to recognize this small obstacle and act accordingly. And one way to do this is to make the moment of starting a dialogue brief for yourself, and longer for the other person. That is to say: what we will do is pass the responsibility for the dialogue to the other, by means of a question to be answered by that interlocutor.

However, for this to work, the question must give way to an answer that is not short and is relatively complex. In this way, we will avoid that what we get back is a simple sentence of few words, and an uncomfortable silence appears. The objective is that the other person's response allows us to give our opinion on what has been said, and to make the dialogue move on to something else.. Once this has been done, it is easier to feel comfortable with the situation.

4. Start with the easy stuff

This is one of the classic psychology recommendations, and it really works. If we tackle very ambitious goals at the beginning, we are likely to get frustrated and end up throwing in the towel. You have to self-educate yourself to see that initiating a conversation does not trigger unwanted consequences.And for that it is good to start with people to whom we do not feel vulnerable, even if they are relative strangers.

Gradually, we must raise the level of difficulty, leaving more and more out of the comfort zone.

5. Learn to listen

Paradoxically, what causes discomfort when starting a conversation with someone who commands our respect is not the fact of starting to talk, but what may happen right after, when it is our turn to act again after having seen the other person's reaction. That is why it is very important to learn to listen.

If we listen to what the other person is saying, by distancing ourselves from the situation and and concentrating our attention on the content of his or her messageIf we listen to what the other person is saying, distancing ourselves from the situation and concentrating our attention on the content of his or her message, it is very easy to spontaneously come up with reflections, questions or insights that can be interesting to share.

Bearing in mind that as we are training basic social skills our role cannot be very salient, it is good to adopt the role of someone who knows how to listen: everyone likes to feel that there is someone paying attention to what is being said.

Therefore, it is important to learn to adopt active listening skills that facilitate this: maintaining eye contact (directing your gaze in the direction of the other person's face is enough, if we do this and do not pay more attention to that aspect, we will achieve this spontaneously without being aware of it and without becoming obsessed with the subject), nodding, making short comments, erc.

6. Give the answer focused on the message

At this point, we should limit ourselves to responding to what the other person has said, although we can introduce other related ideas. we can introduce other related ideas, or even personal experiences.or even personal experiences. Since the conversation has already been initiated, it can go in almost any direction, as long as it starts with the other person's intervention.