The midlife crisis in men: characteristics and what to do

A stage of life in which many men feel in a phase of stagnation.

Time passes. It passes for each and every one of us, regardless of how we feel about it. For children, adolescents and young adults, turning one's age is an exciting step towards becoming an independent adult man or woman, capable of living their lives as they wish.

However, as we get older and older, and often in our thirties and beyond, many people go from feeling this excitement to worrying about the number of candles to blow out on the cake: we are no longer young. In fact, this concern can reach such an extreme that it can generate a small crisis at the psychosocial level, which is especially common in the forties.

And although it has always occurred in women as well, a moment of crisis with sudden behavioral repercussions has traditionally been identified in men. In fact, we are talking about the well-known mid-life crisis, in this case in men.. It is about this vital process that we are going to talk about in this article.

Midlife crisis: what is it?

It receives the name of crisis of the forties a period or process of crisis at psychological and emotional level that is given in those people who reach the forty years before the perception and the conscience that the years are passing, in a moment in which the subject reaches the conclusion that the years are passing. the subject comes to the conclusion that he/she is no longer young and that he/she is at approximately and that he/she is approximately at the midpoint of his/her life expectancy. In fact, the actual age itself is not really relevant, so it is more appropriately referred to as a midlife crisis.

These thoughts can lead to a life balanceThe person's current life style is evaluated and contrasted with his or her expectations from his or her youth. Likewise, an evaluation of the dreams and projects that have been fulfilled and those that have not usually come into play. It is also common that there is the idea that what has not been fulfilled is not viable to do in the future, which generates great pain, disappointment and frustration.

Another aspect that is often reflected on is the life and the routine that is followed.This may end up being unsatisfactory or lacking some kind of stimulus. There may also be the idea that from now on they are going into decline, in addition to the perception of losing vigor, physical power and sexual attractiveness.

These sensations can generate great stress in the sufferer, which can trigger a series of behavioral and emotional manifestations characterized by impulsivity and the need to make changes. We could consider the mid-life crisis as a phase of mourning for the perception of a progressive loss of youth: denial, anger, depression, negotiation... and eventually also acceptance. Fortunately, this stage of crisis tends to be resolved, this stage of crisis tends to resolve itself with the passage of time, as it is accepted as we accept that time passes and that it does not mean that our life is over.

It is important to note, however, that although it is something relatively frequent, not everyone will suffer the mid-life crisis: it depends, among many other factors, on the importance we give to the passing of the years, the vital balance we make, if we are satisfied with our current way of life or if we have fulfilled or see our vital objectives as achievable or not.

Possible problems arising from this crisis

At a cognitive level, the subject may form a negative image of his or her current situation compared to the expectations held in youth. It is possible that fears of the passage of time may appear, which may include denial of one's own age or possible ailments. A slight hypochondria may also appear.

Anxiety, deep anguish and even depressive symptoms are much more common: sad mood, slowing down, ruminations, apathy, lack of pleasure in things previously enjoyed, sleep and appetite problems.

It is frequent that a phase of rebelliousness against the established and the routine is presented, in occasions with unreasoned and highly impulsive behaviors.. It is also common to feel remorse for unfulfilled dreams, to perceive daily life as a boring, empty and full of suffering burden and to have the idea that our dreams will never be fulfilled. Sometimes these dreams try to be sublimated with risky actions or with the search for adrenaline. What is sought is to recover the feeling of being young and vital, full of hopes and dreams.

Its main manifestations in man

In men, the mid-life crisis often presents itself as an imperative need to make changes in a life that they may a pressing need to make changes in a life that they may see as lacking in emotion.. Changes that they may try to introduce in a sudden and even desperate way due to the anguish generated by the perception of beginning to consider that they are in a middle adulthood from which they are going to become older.

At the relational level, as the level of demands and responsibility towards the partner and children increases, it is possible that the subject notices a high level of anxiety. it is possible that the subject feels a high pressure and lives their efforts as a sacrifice.. Disputes, conflicts and attempts to change established routines may come into play. It is also possible that the person in crisis may want to spend time alone or change his or her environment, and may be sullen or distant from his or her usual environment. Some men seek adventures and commit infidelities in this phase, and in extreme cases they may even want to break with everything and leave the family nucleus.

At work, there may be irresponsible behavior, quarrels, abandonment or attempts to change jobs. It is also possible to resort to alcohol or drug use in an attempt to escape from daily life.

Another type of behaviors are those that seek to recall the past.The person may try to return to places and situations that remind him/her of his/her youth and that he/she considers easier than his/her current situation. Regarding the physical aspect, it is common for the subject to start worrying about his or her image even if he or she did not do so before, and to start actively working to improve it: sport practice in previously sedentary people, use of creams and cosmetic products or changes in wardrobe towards more youthful trends.

How to reduce its effect

The midlife crisis is a time of great stress and anguish for those who suffer from it, but it is possible to take into account a series of tips and strategies that can be useful for coping with it.

First of all, it is necessary to bear in mind that the fact of having reached a certain age does not having reached a certain age does not mean the end of life: we still have a long way to go.We still have a long way to go. Likewise, the fact that some dreams have not yet been fulfilled does not mean that they are impossible. And even if some of them are no longer feasible, it is possible that the fact of not achieving them may have given rise to different life circumstances that may have been highly satisfactory for us.

Another very important point to keep in mind is that we must reinforce and appreciate the goals we have achieved, as well as recognize our own merits. It is common that routine and day-to-day life make us not value what we have, as we are used to counting on it: family, friends, work and hobbies are clear examples.

Also It is also advisable to focus on a goal or an exciting projectsomething that makes us vibrate and makes it easier to project ourselves positively into the future and not into the past. Another possible course of action would be to talk to people who are in the same situation: men also in their forties or fifties who are going through or have already gone through this vital process: the idea is that they can express their doubts and emotions with other people in a similar situation.

Family support is also relevantespecially with regard to the partner. It is advisable to have a positive and empathetic approach, trying to put yourself in their shoes and understand their possible suffering. However, it should also be taken into account that this does not imply carte blanche for the person in crisis.

If they are still alive, it is also possible to rely on their parents, since the father figure can be an example for coping with the passage of time, whether or not he has suffered this type of crisis. Finally, in case of need, professional help can be sought in order to facilitate the passage through this crisis.

Bibliographical references:

• Kruger, A. (1994). "The Mid-life Transition: Crisis or Chimera?", Psychological Reports, 75, 1299-1305.