How to know when to go to family therapy?

A summary of the problems addressed in family therapy, so that you know when to attend.

The family is that social group whose bonds are usually among the strongest a person can have. Generally the members of a family usually have a good relationship with each other although, sometimes, conflicting situations may arise, enough to need to go to family therapy.

This term will sound alarming to more than one person, but it should not be so. In the same way that we need to go to the dentist when we have a toothache or visit the mechanic when the car does not run, if our family has problems it is necessary to receive some type of professional help to be able to solve the dysfunctional situation.

Every family is different and the way they manage their difficulties is different as well. There will be situations that will require more professional help than others and, below, we are going to discover them by seeing how to know when to go to family therapy.

How to know when to go to family therapy?

Our personal health depends a lot on our family relationships. As a general rule, the family can serve as a protective factor against the development of some psychological problems, although it is also true that it can be the origin of stress and anxiety. can be the origin of stress and anxiety.. This is normal, since in all families there are good and bad moments, crisis situations and times when changes are such that it is difficult to live them impassively.

Many situations of change are perfectly normal and it is usually only a matter of time before its members end up adapting to it. For example, when there is a birth, when someone dies at an advanced age or when there is a change of home, it is normal for there to be changes in the dynamics, roles and feelings of the members of the family nucleus. However, all these situations are typical of an average family, something that we will end up accepting, although sometimes with some difficulty.

But there are also unexpected situations, such as the accidental death of a young child, the separation of parents, bad relationships between children or any other highly destabilizing situation that will require external help for the family to overcome. This is where the importance of family therapy comes in. helps families from the outside, with a professional who takes a neutral, objective and active position in the analysis and resolution of the dysfunctionality in which the family has been immersed. in which the members of the family nucleus have been immersed.

Having the need for family therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, since the perfect family does not exist. Throughout the history of every family on our planet, there will be crisis situations that cannot be solved by its members on their own.

Receiving help from outside is the best way for the family to regain stability or, if it never had it before, to finally have it.. The mental health of all its members depends on it, so you should never see going to a professional for family conflicts as something exaggerated or typical of a failed family.

Situations worked on in family therapy

Normally, family therapy is provided by a psychologist, although it can also be performed by a clinical social worker or a therapist who is accredited by a specialized institution. This type of treatment is usually done on a short-term basis, and can involve either all family members (which is preferable) or only those who have dared to seek help, although it should be noted that family therapy can hardly be done without working with the whole family.

Some prototypical situations for which this type of therapy is attended. we have:

• Conflicting relationships between family members.
• Mental disorder and/or addiction of any of the family members.
• Traumatic experience on the part of one or more members (traffic accident, natural disaster...).
• Death of one of its members.
• High tension and stress due to recent causes such as change of residence, change of country...

Thus, conflicts are moments of evolution and growth of the family. As a general rule, they are not usually pathological, although they do imply certain dysfunctionality, although they can be serious, such as abuse, the experience of a traffic accident or the disappearance of a child. There is also the case of conflicts that transcend generations, being inherited and generating tension for a long time, even to people who do not understand very well why it arose in the first place.

It is, in fact, a great and common problem in every family their inability to identify the root of the conflict. As it is clearly not neutral in this situation, their lack of objectivity prevents them from seeing clearly what was the trigger and what aggravated the whole situation to get to where they are today. In this case, family therapy is very necessary, because the professional will be able to discover things that the family has not been able to see and identify what caused it.

Among the types of conflicts worked on in family therapy we have the following.

Evolutionary or life cycle crises in the family.

Evolutionary crises are those related to natural changes in a family, such as the birth of a baby, the marriage of adult children, or the retirement of parents.such as the birth of a baby, the marriage of adult children or the retirement of parents.

These are normal and expected changes, not pathological, but sometimes they occur in such a dramatic and sudden way that it is impossible to live them impassively. The conflicts are aggravated when the family tries to prevent the crisis without having the necessary resources to do it.

1.1. External crises

External crises are related to some kind of unexpected event.. An example of it is the death of one of its members by an accident, the sudden dismissal of the father or the illness of one of its children.

These experiences are lived as very unfair but could not be controlled and, sometimes, the family resorts to one of its members to blame him/her, this being the dysfunctional and pathological part of this type of crisis.

It is difficult to adapt to this type of situation without resorting to adequate help or lacking the necessary psychological, physical and economic resources. In fact, in the face of such unpredictable situations as the death of loved ones by accidentIn fact, when faced with such unpredictable situations as the death of loved ones by accident, survivors may start to think over and over again about what they could have done to prevent the event from occurring, even though it was most likely unavoidable.

1.2. Structural crises

Structural crises are considered to be among the most complicated, since they they imply that the family repeats old crises, bringing them up every time there is a new conflict.. They are not able to overcome the problems of the past, nor to manage them either, so they are revived.

This type of crisis is fed by bad relationships between several of its members, who, far from overcoming enmities, feed them with new conflicts, although these bad relationships are maintained internally and covertly.

1.3. Attention crises

Attention crises are common in families in which one of its members suffers from a chronic illness or a disability, making him/her extremely dependent on the family.making him/her extremely dependent on the other members.

The dependent person becomes the center of attention, while other members may be left in the background or even have their needs neglected. The crisis occurs when the other members are limited in their daily habits, activities and expectations by the demands of one of its members.

• You may be interested in "How to educate your children on boundaries?"

2. Obstacles to change

There are several obstacles that can prevent a family from overcoming a crisis and initiating change towards a more stable state and greater wellbeing. The obstacles are usually hidden, so it is difficult for the family to recognize them and overcome them on their own. Among them we can find the following:

2.1. Communication problems.

Communication problems have to do with the fact that the members of a family do not tell each other things in an assertive and totally sincere way. This is an aspect in which both the sender and the receiver are involved, i.e., the problem may be that the one who says things says them too abruptly and without explaining everything he/she feels or that, also, the other person is unable to understand the things that are said, or interprets them in a hostile way and becomes defensive.

2.2. Roles

As in any other social group, in the family there are roles assigned to each of its members. Dysfunctionality arises when these roles become either very rigid or are systematically violated..

2.3. Rules

In every family it is normal to have rules, maxims that allow or prohibit doing certain things. They become dysfunctional when these rules are either too demanding and lack any sense or justice, or are not complied with.These are characteristic of authoritarian and laissez faire parenting styles, respectively.

2.4. Historical

Historical obstacles are all those issues and problems that have not been solved throughout the history of the family, and that come back to haunt and haunt the family. come back and lurk and haunt the family for a long time, perhaps even being passed on from generation to generation.and may even be passed down from generation to generation.

How can you deal with a family crisis?

No family is the same and neither are the conflicts and problems that affect it. In order to face a family crisis, the family's capacity to face the problems must first be evaluated. There are many factors that intervene in this, among them the capacity of communication, organization, resources, limitations and systems of beliefs by which the family nucleus is governed. The processes that will help the family cope with crises can come from within, from family and friends, or from outside, in the form of professional help and social support.

In order to understand their own conflicts and overcome them, it is necessary for the family to keep an open mind and be willing to receive help from outside, real and professional help such as that offered by the psychologist.. Communication between family members must be sincere, breaking taboos within the family. It is also important to have a social network that acts as a real support in the face of unfavorable circumstances.