The 9 psychological keys to an amicable breakup

These are the keys and characteristics of relatively amicable breakups.

Couple breakups usually affect in a very negative way to the people involved in it, and sometimes even more people, especially if there are young children involved.

In situations of this type it is relatively common for feelings of discomfort, disappointment and frustration to arise; and in the most severe cases, reproaches or lack of respect often lead to a separation that can be truly traumatic.

However, a separation is not synonymous with hostility and confrontation that generates discomfort. Also It can also happen that both people do their part to make the separation amicable.. Let us see which are the characteristics of this process.

What are the main keys to an amicable separation?

There are many causes and triggers that can cause a breakup on bad terms, but fortunately, there are a number of recommendations that are very useful to prevent the emergence of these bad communication dynamics, so that it is possible to go through a separation process in an amicable and satisfactory way for both parts (provided that there have not been cases of abuse or mistreatment of any kind in the relationship, in which case we should not aspire to be "in tune with the other" but should prioritize the search for protection for the victim).

If you want to know the main guidelines that can help us to cope with a separation in an amicable way, read on.

1. Respect

Maintaining a respectful behavior is an essential requirement in any social interaction, and especially in the couple's environment.once the relationship has ended.

After the wear and tear of a relationship, it can reach the point where respect for the other person is lost, which usually leads to insults, personal disqualifications and all kinds of aggressive behaviors that are not at all favorable to an amicable separation.

That is why, although we may feel very hurt by the other person and no matter how right we think we are, it is advisable to always maintain a respectful attitude towards our ex-partner with the aim of facilitate and speed up the separation or divorce process..

This will of mutual respect becomes even more necessary in the case that the couple may have children in common.

2. Agreement

Mutual agreement is another essential characteristic of any amicable separation and is an unmistakable sign that both partners have a mutual respect for each other. want to go through this process in the best possible way for both parties..

Agreement, positive negotiation, willingness to compromise when necessary are indispensable elements to resolve essential issues during the breakup such as the division of assets and in general any other economic issue that must be dealt with at the end of the relationship.

It is evident that a positive attitude towards agreement and collaboration helps to create a climate of greater well-being that has a positive impact on both members of the couple, as well as on other family members, friends and even on the children they may have.

3. Focus on the future

In those relationships that have gone through an amicable separation process, it is usual that both partners are willing to focus on the future. that both members of the same one are ready to turn the page and to look to the future.They focus on the new stage in which they find themselves.

On the contrary, those couples who have not ended their relationship on good terms tend to stagnate in the past, focusing on the negative feelings and discomfort generated by the breakup.

In addition to that, it is also common for one or both partners to make continuous reproaches focused on past affronts, adding more Pain to the already difficult breakup situation.

To overcome this situation, it is advisable not to reinforce the idea that the relationship has failed and to focus on a hopeful future. focus on a hopeful future based on the lessons learned and the stimulating and positive experiences we have gone through during this time. that we have gone through during that time of courtship or marriage.

4. Fluid communication

Being able to meet again and have a friendly chat without confrontation or arguments about the past is one of the unmistakable signs that the breakup between two people has been amicable. It is necessary to try to maintain a fluid communication that is not hindered by the fear that the other person will prejudge us or attack us..

Another of the essential characteristics of a breakup culminated in a successful way is the possibility of maintaining conversations so much in the formal modality as informal, without it does not make vary the least the fluency of the same one.

5. Sense of humor

Having a sense of humor and being able to joke even in the most difficult situations we may go through in our life is a sign of good emotional management and ability to go beyond the "tragic" perspective of the facts.

The ability to joke about the current situation after the breakup with another person or even to recall past episodes during the relationship in a friendly way is also a sign that the breakup has been avoided. indicates that the breakup has been settled on good terms or at least is on that path..

6. A hopeful outlook on the ability to overcome the breakup

It is normal to go through a stage of suffering and discomfort during the early stages of a breakup; however, once the breakup is over each member of the former relationship is able to move on with their lives in an optimistic way and forget the bad times..

Being aware of this capacity for resilience predisposes us not to enter into behavioral dynamics that lead us to feed the emotional pain and the constant search for "guilty" in the end of that relationship: we do not have to turn the rest of our lives into a prolongation of the discomfort of that separation.

7. Protection of children

In amicably separated couples, there is less risk of trauma to the young children they may have, since their parents will always put their children's welfare ahead of any personal dispute with their former partner.

There is no reason why two separated parents cannot get along once the relationship is over, and that is a very positive example of behavior with beneficial repercussions for the development of the little ones.** Not losing sight of their quality of life, in addition, helps to create harmony between the people who separate, since they must continue collaborating in that sense**.

8. Sincerity about the reason for the breakup

Some couples tend to blame each other at the moment of elucidating the reason of the rupture, transferring in the other person all the responsibility on the same one.

Being aware of each partner's share of responsibility is a very healthy way of dealing with the breakup. is a very healthy way to approach the transition process and not to leave "loose ends" that give rise to insecurities. that give rise to insecurities and anguish in the face of uncertainty.

9. Change of life

After a breakup, it is common for one or both partners to begin to make some changes in their lives, which may be of various types and influence several areas of their daily reality.

These changes in habits or interests help to relieve tensions and to make the transition to this new stage of life more satisfactory, making it easier to stop the stresses and strains of life.This makes it easier to stop associating the ex with a strong sense of discomfort.

Do you want psychological support?

If you are looking for psychological assistance in the form of individualized psychotherapy or couple therapy, please contact me.

I am a General Health Psychologist federated by the FEAP with more than 20 years of experience and I offer face-to-face and online sessions by video call.