10 habits to improve your child’s self-esteem

Habits and parenting strategies that will help you boost your son or daughter's self-esteem.

As a parent myself, and from my years of experience working with teenagers and their families, I know that one of the things that most concerns us is that our son/daughter develops with a healthy self-esteem..

We know, probably from our own experience, that self-esteem will have a decisive influence on how they approach their relationships in the future, both as a couple and as friends.

It will influence their student life and their working life. And, of course, in their self-esteem and recognition.

The self-esteem of your son/daughter, as it happens to you, is going to be a very outstanding factor in his/her happiness.

Strategies to foster good self-esteem in your son or daughter.

In life we carry a backpack on our shoulders, and this backpack accompanies us in every situation and at all times. Only we can put in and take out of it, but the weight and the resources we carry will make us live life in one way or another. In this backpack we keep our self-esteem, self-concept and self-motivation.. And, as I say, only you yourself can manipulate it.

Consider self-esteem as a big tree that grows from a tiny seed. The care it receives during the first years of life, childhood and pre-adolescence, will determine the shade and fruit it will bear.

In these stages of life, the influence you have as a parent is vital.. So yes, even though it may be an important pressure, you should know that with your type of education and the way you act with your child you are decisively marking the love he/she feels for him/herself in the future. Far from worrying you, this fact should bring you joy, since no one wants more than you to be a happy adult.

What would you be willing to do to achieve this? That you can help him to do so now that he is under your tutelage is an opportunity you should seize.. To do this, of course, first of all you must know how, and here are 10 keys that are sure to help you.

1. Avoid the verb "to be

One of the biggest yokes with which we walk in life is the "I am like this" or "I am not like this".. This conception of how we are and that limits us so much in life is created since we were children, and it is because of those "innocent" comments such as "you are disorganized" or "you are shy". Change it to "you don't have your room organized" or "today you haven't talked much with the family" so you don't start leaving the mark you don't want.

2. Ask yourself: from love or from fear?

When you give a recommendation, reprimand or prevent them from doing something they want to do, think about whether you are approaching it from fear or from love.

I will give you a very common example in adolescence. When your son/daughter asks you to come home late because he/she has a date with friends, you say no because you want to avoid something bad happening to him/her (fear) or because he/she must learn that every age must follow certain rules (love). The way of approaching it will bring you some different fruits..

3. Measure performance, not outcome.

Closely related to academic performance. The fact that in the school/institute/university they measure everything with a number at the end of the course, does not mean that we also have to do it with our children.

Variables such as perseverance, responsibility or organization. are what is really important, what will serve them for the rest of their lives. Put the focus there. And if he or she does it too, surely that final number will also be higher. But the important thing, I repeat, is the process, not the end result.

4. Forgive from love

As a parent you know that the love you feel when a child comes into your life is like no other. That love must be very present especially when they seem to deserve it less. This doesn't mean that you can't get angrythat you can't punish if you think it's necessary, but do it within the guidelines set by love.

5. Become an example to follow

Many times we are determined that our children do things that they don't start doing until they see us do them.

Everything that is learned by imitation is much easier to do when they see us do it.. So, if you want smiling children, smile. If you want organized children, get organized. If you want active children, get active.

6. Speak well of him "behind his back".

There comes a moment in which the children realize that a mission that we have the parents is to to value what they do well. How handsome they are, how nice they are, how intelligent they are ....

Well, that feeling will be much greater when you do not praise them directly, but to a third person, being them indirect witnesses of the situation.

7. Put yourself in their position

Do you remember when you were bored how you sought your parents' attention? Do you remember how hard it was on spring days to stay at home studying instead of going out? Do you remember how important it was for you to arrive a little later when you started going out with your friends in the afternoon/evening? Well, this, and much more, happens to your children as well. It's just a matter of remembering it from time to time..

8. Value everything he/she tells you

Everything, absolutely everything a child expresses is pure gold. So far from judging him, listen to him, analyze him and try to learn from it. There are no silly questions, only the desire to know more.. No absurd reasoning, but wonderful inner worlds.

9. Encourage the practice of sports

Please be clear that the sum of a mind that is oxygenated, a body that moves and a child that learns results in a strong and healthy self-esteem..

Are you going to do everything possible for your child to have an active life or do you prefer the comfort of having him/her in front of the TV, Tablet or console?

10. Never say never (or always)

We tend to exaggerate certain attitudes in moments of anger by using, unfairly, maximizers in our speech. "You never pay attention." "You always have the room a mess." In the heat of battle it is understandable to do something like this, but we are certainly not being fair and it creates a rather negative idea of oneself..

In closing...

These are the 10 tips I'd like you to remember in raising your children. The prize is very high, because of course having a happy child automatically makes us a happy parent. And as I said before, I'm sure you are willing to do anything to achieve it, aren't you?

With my program "El brillo de tu hijo" I help both parents and adolescent boys/girls to improve their self-esteem, develop a healthier self-concept, learn to manage their emotions and shine in life as they wish. And you know, you have a lot of power in your child's well-being.