5 basic principles to enjoy a full and satisfying sexuality

How to live our intimate life to the fullest? Here are five tips.

Despite all that has been published on psychology and sexuality, the cultural influence perpetuated by television, advertisements and mass media in general still continue to influence our beliefs about how we should live our sexuality. Today we live surrounded by a distorted distorted hypersexuality through which, especially in young people, the emergence of a desire that prevails over that of the other.For this reason, we professionals must approach the subject of sexuality with a gender perspective.

The truth is that our beliefs and fantasies about how life as a couple should be and how we should live our sexuality are closely related to the difficulties we psychologists encounter in the consultation room.

Living a better sexuality

Silvia de Béjar quoted in the book "Tu sexo es tuyo", that the most powerful sexual organ is our brain. Therefore, if we live our sexuality concentrating on thoughts that feed guilt, prejudices and stereotypes, we are condemned to sexual dissatisfaction. The renowned sexologist also reminded us that we live in an era in which we all have a television at home but, even today, there are many women who do not know what it means to have an orgasm.

What to do? The 5 principles for enjoying sexuality

Once we have contextualized the road ahead and the cultural influence that conditions us, let's focus on the solutions, let's focus on the solutions. The 5 basic principles to enjoy a full and healthy sexuality are the following.

Principle 1: Your sexuality starts with you.

This is a principle that points directly to us women, since we have a history that puts us at a disadvantage in relation to men, in which our ancestors could not choose and lived their sexuality according to the dictates of a patriarchal society, so they hardly knew their bodies and listened to their needs. The only messages they received related to sexual matters were about their menstruation, and in some cases not even that, and their duty to please their husbands, in an intimate atmosphere, yes, but also clouded by the prejudices and the demarcations of the time.

Today, certainly, more and more women have practically the same knowledge about their own sexual organs as men do.and this self-knowledge is the key to being able to talk about orgasm. This is principle number 1, which points out that, whatever gender you are, you have to know your own sexuality, and know and accept your body (self-confidence is key). And yes, it also includes the option to practice autoeroticism, masturbation, self-stimulation... whatever we call it, it all starts with our own body and our own pleasure.

Principle 2: Always subject and never object

To objectify is to "treat/convert" a person, a living being, into an object, an inanimate being, for use or even abuse. It is true that there are sexual fantasies in which one person is used by the other, but they always imply a consent of the supposed "object", so he or she enjoys this sexual use. The emotions and desires of both people count, and when this is the case, we would not speak of abuse or violence.

Concepció Garriga, recognized psychologist, in her article Kindness in Female Subjectivity: Implications for the Clinic and for Sexuality reflects the influence of patriarchy in the construction of our sexuality, emphasizing the goodness expected of women, which materialized in caring for and pleasing the other.It emphasizes the goodness expected of women, which materialized in caring for and pleasing the other, putting the emotions, desires and needs of the other above those of the woman herself. Evidently, this concept of sexuality has been transforming, but as I introduced in the article, there are still cultural creepers that slip under our bedroom door and enter our intimacy, which we have to identify in order to enjoy a healthy sexuality.

Being a subject means being free, being a protagonist and listening to and attending to one's own desires.. The two people in the couple (man-woman, woman-woman, man-man) must be subjects and therefore both needs, subjectivities and lusts must be listened to.

Principle 3: Full sexual awareness thanks to Mindfulness

Mindfulness is becoming more and more known, but little has been said about how much it benefits sexual practices, the regular practice of techniques such as meditation or Mindfulness.

The rational and cognitive pressure that our mind can exert if not controlled during sex, can generate automatic thoughts of insecurity ("I do not do it too well", "sure he does not like it") that triggers the absence of erection (erectile dysfunction) in men, or difficulty reaching orgasm (anorgasmia) in women.

Exercise your mind. Don't let it stop you from enjoying a full and satisfying sexuality.

Principle 4: Sexual Generosity, Shared Pleasure

If both people can be subjects, it means that both can choose what to do, what to desire, what to experience, what helps us enjoy and what we can share. both can choose what to do, what to desire, what to experience, what helps us to enjoy and what we can share. Desire, decide, experience and enjoy, four verbs that lead to orgasm.

But it does not mean not pleasing the other party. Sexual relations must be reciprocal, bidirectional, unselfish and generous. This means that to enjoy healthy sexuality as a couple, the other person's pleasure must increase your own pleasure, because the other person's enjoyment counts for you and yours in return, there is reciprocity. Only by approaching relationships in this way can we speak of satisfactory relationships.

Obviously if we are not mentalists we cannot guess what excites the other person, so it will be important to continue reading the next and last principle.

Principle 5: Communicate, express and trust yourself.

Joan Costa, communicologist and business consultant, author of the book "Communication in action: Report on the new management culture", makes the following statement: "Communication is action and action is communication". Naturally, Costa uses it in business practice, but I personally believe that we can also apply it to sexuality and human relations in general. Communicating during sexual relations is action and acting is communication..

The complicity will be determined by our ability to communicate to the other person which is the way to our orgasm, to observe, to experience and our ability to listen about it. Express yourself without prejudice. Without taboos, self-confidence is crucial.

Confidence is acquired through self-knowledge and experimentation. Both experiences lead us to feel secure, and for this reason many experts place sexual fulfillment at the age of 35. many experts place sexual fulfillment at the age of 35 or older.. But as a psychologist, I disagree and consider that the reality is that today, thanks to cultural changes, and especially to advances in psychology, it is possible to enjoy sexuality with maturity well before the age of 35, and these five principles are the key to this.