6 key ideas to overcome grief due to the loss of loved ones

Strategies to overcome the psychological grief produced by the loss of a loved one.

Losing a loved one, whether a family member or a pet, is one of the most emotionally painful experiences, but that does not mean it is a psychological disorder. Feeling feelings of sadness nostalgia and homesickness overwhelm us is normal, but at the same time, it is something we can learn to manage through our way of interpreting this situation, and through our habits.

If you are going through something like this or know someone who is suffering from bereavement, read on; here we will talk about various psychological aspects that help to go through grief..

6 psychological keys to manage and overcome grief due to loss of loved ones

Here are several key ideas to keep in mind in order to manage grief in the best possible way.

1. Grief is a process of adaptation

Many people believe that going through a grieving process consists of leaving behind a stage of life; however, one could practically say that it is the opposite: It is above all adapting to a new situation, based on all the experiences we have had up to that point..

This means, among other things, that in order to overcome the mourning for the loss of a loved one, we must not forget; trying to do so would make the situation worse, as we shall see. The way in which we should relate to the memories we have with that person or pet cannot be based on the denial of these (as if we had never gone through those experiences) but on the re-interpretation of what we remember, from our current situation.

2. Do not try to block thoughts

This idea is derived from the previous one, and has to do with the "white bear effect": if we try to keep certain thoughts away from our consciousness, we actually give them more power to interfere with it and appear again and again in our mind in the form of intrusive thoughts. In turn, the discomfort this causes us contributes to our fear of those memories or thoughts, further reinforcing the problem.

Therefore, it is important not to become obsessed with not thinking about the loved one we have lost. However, this does not mean that it is not advisable to decide to spend the first days of grief not exposing ourselves to certain objects or places that remind us of that person, as long as doing so does not involve making too much effort (which would lead us to become obsessed with it).

3. Funeral rituals often help

The vast majority of human cultures perform funeral rituals, and this is not by chance. They are practices that help to represent a closing of the cycle after the death of a person and also create the right context to receive the emotional support of others. and also create the appropriate context for receiving emotional support from others.

Moreover, it is not necessary that these rituals are always those that the tradition of the hegemonic culture in which we live dictates, nor that they are linked to a specific religion. What is important is that we are able to see meaning in them and that they allow us to participate in a community event, if we want to.

4. Talk about that loved one with others

Talking about that person or pet helps us to stop remembering them always through the filter of the same feelings (many of which generate (many of which generate discomfort in us) and make our way of thinking about them more nuanced. For example, it is likely that other people less affected by the loss will make us remember funny or amusing anecdotes experienced with the person who is no longer with us, or interesting and intellectually stimulating situations, etc.

5. Reflect on what that loved one has given you.

Knowing that the presence in our lives of that loved one has helped us to mature in some way and has allowed us to learn things is a good way to manage grief, We become aware that he or she is not totally gone, and that his or her existence has left a positive mark on us.. In some way, it is still present through the memories it has left us.

6. If the situation lasts for weeks, go to psychotherapy.

In most cases, bereavement is a painful process that resolves itself in a matter of days and does not involve the development of psychopathology. If this is not the case and you notice that you feel a great discomfort that overwhelms you for several weeks, get in touch with psychotherapy professionals..

Are you interested in psychotherapeutic assistance?

If you are suffering from emotional, behavioral or cognitive problems, we can help you from our team of professionals. At Vibra Bienestar we offer psychotherapy and also meditation sessions, yoga, physiotherapy, and nutrition counseling, and we attend both in person at our facilities in Madrid and through online sessions by video call.

Bibliographical references:

• American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. Fifth edition. DSM-V. Masson, Barcelona.
• Andrés-Rupérez, M.T. (2003). The concept of death and funerary ritual in prehistory. Cuadernos de Arqueología, 11: pp. 13 - 36.
• Fleming-Holland, R. A. (2008). Reflexions on Death: Childhood Grief and Juvenile Suicide. Psicología Iberoamericana, 16(1): pp. 8 - 14.
• Nomen Martín, L. (2007). Grief and death. The treatment of loss. Madrid: Pirámide.
• Payás, A. (2008). Psychological functions and treatment of obsessive ruminations in bereavement. Revista de la Asociación Española de Neuropsiquiatría, 28(102): pp. 307 - 323.
• Shear, K., Frank,E., Houck, P., & Reynolds, C. (2005). Treatment of complicated grief: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 293: pp. 2601 - 2608.
• Stroebe, M.; Schut, H.; Boerner, K. (2017) Models of coping in bereavement: an updated overview. Psychology Studies, 38(3): pp. 582 - 607.