Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children

What is attachment and why is it so important for children to grow up happy?

The attachment theory is a theory that was born a century ago, specifically in the year 1907, to explain individual differences (also called attachment styles) regarding how people think, feel and behave in interpersonal relationships.

The concept of "attachment refers to the emotional bonds that people form with other people throughout their lives, first with their parents, then with their parents, then with their children, then with their parents, then with their children, then with their parents, and so on.The concept of "attachment" refers to the emotional bonds that people form with other people throughout their lives, first with their parents, and then with their friends, partners, peers and children.

The beginning: Bowlby's attachment theory

There are different views on this theory, but the best known is that of John Bowlby, considered the father of attachment theory. He thought that attachment begins in infancy and continues throughout life.He affirmed that there are behavioral control systems that are innate and necessary for the survival and procreation of human beings.

Attachment and exploration systems are central to her theory, because from a very young age children possess an innate behavior that leads them to want to explore new things, but when they feel in danger or frightened, their first reaction is to seek the protection and security of their primary caregiver.

The "strange situation" and types of attachment according to Mary Ainsworth

Bowlby laid the foundations for the theory, but another important figure in the study of attachment is Mary Ainsworth, one of the psychologists most recognized for her contribution to the theory. Ainsworth also thought that control systems existed, but she went a bit further and proposed her concept of the "strange situation," which added three behavioral styles to attachment theory: Secure, Insecure-Evitable e Insecure-Ambivalent. Later other authors identified other types of attachment, such as anxious attachment or disorganized attachment.

Types of attachment

The strange situation refers to the laboratory process in which the child is studied in the interaction with his mother and with a strange adult, that is, in a situation with someone who is unfamiliar. The results of Ainsworth's longitudinal study led him to conclude that:

• The secure attachment type is characterized by the infant seeking protection and security from the mother and receiving constant care. The mother is usually a loving person who shows and is constantly affectionate, which allows the child to develop a positive self-concept and self-confidence. In the future, these people tend to be warm, stable and with satisfying interpersonal relationships.

• The avoidant attachment type is characterized by the fact that the child grows up in an environment in which the close caregiver does not constantly attend to the child's needs for protection. This is counterproductive for the child's development, as it does not help him or her to acquire the feeling of self-confidence that he or she will need later in life. As a result, children (and also as adults when they have grown up) feel insecure and displaced by past experiences of neglect.

• The ambivalent attachment type is characterized by the fact that these individuals respond to separation with great distress and often mix their attachment behaviors with constant protest and anger. This is because they have not properly developed the necessary emotional skills, nor have they had expectations of trust and access to caregivers.

The four types of attachment according to Hazan and Shaver

Later, during the 1980s era, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver extended the attachment theory to adult love relationships.. They identified four attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious-preoccupied attachment, avoidant-independent attachment y disorganized attachment.

Secure attachment

These are adults who present a more positive view of themselves and their interpersonal relationships.. They are not concerned about intimacy or independence, as they feel secure.

2. Anxious-anxious attachment

These are people who tend to constantly seek the approval of others and the continuous response of the partner.. Therefore, they are dependent, distrustful individuals and have a poor positive view of themselves and their interpersonal relationships. They present high levels of emotional expression and impulsivity.

3. Avoidant-independent attachment

These are individuals who They tend to isolate themselves because they do not feel comfortable being intimate with other people, so they are very independent.They are very independent. They see themselves as self-sufficient and without the need for close relationships. They tend to suppress their feelings.

4. Disorganized attachment

Adults with distrustful attachment are characterized by contradictory feelings in their interpersonal relationships.. That is, they may be both desirous and uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They tend to see themselves as having little value and distrust others. Like the above, they seek less intimacy and tend to suppress their emotions.

Fundamental principles of secure parent-child bonding

It is clear that, as many research studies have shown, the attitude of parents towards their children will be decisive for the proper development of their child.. Therefore, parents must be careful when dealing with their children and must be patient so that they grow up healthy and with a strong personality to cope with situations that may arise in the future.

In summary, it is important for parents to try to:

• Understand children's signals and the way they communicate.
• Create a foundation of security and trust
• Respond to their needs
• Cuddle, cuddle, show affection and play with them.
• Take care of your own emotional and physical well-being as this will affect your behavior towards your child.