Bullying, another look

A reflection on the nature of bullying and its emotional implications.

When we speak of bullying as a traumatic event, we are perhaps facing one of the phenomena that has given rise to the most literature in recent times in the therapeutic, social and even political fields. in recent times from therapeutic, social and even political spheres.

That is why we would like to approach this terrible plague from another angle, to try another way of looking, of approaching the pain and the sequels of those people who have gone through the hell of physical and/or psychological harassment during their childhood and adolescence.

The emotional imprint of bullying

The translation of the English meaning of "bullying" would be something like "harassment, or intimidation in the school environment". It is produced therefore in a very concrete and very critical momentThis is a function of both the physiological and psychological development of the adolescent's personality.

In early childhood, the basis of the ego, the attachment, is developed according to the bond that the child establishes with his/her caregivers, and later, in adolescence, this ego will put on one "suit or another" according to his/her first relational experiences with the environment, especially with his/her peers. This suit will be the "identity". The ego will emerge from adolescence into adulthood with a "suit", a defined identity, for better or for worse, functional or dysfunctional.

Apparently we are no longer in those times when if the child complained at home about being "beaten up at school" the answer was almost always "it's a kid thing" or at most "beat them up too! However, and despite the fact that the symptoms are often more than evident (depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self-esteem and above all refusal to go to school, not to mention physiological symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, fatigue or eating disorders), in most cases the fact goes unnoticed by both the school institution and the family. In most cases the fact goes unnoticed both for the school institution and for the family..

How does the problem appear?

As we have said, we do not want to expand on the definition, detection and therapeutic approach to the problem, but try to put ourselves in the place of the child subjected to this type of harassment, contempt and intimidation.

First of all, practically all of us, therapists included, have witnessed experiences of this type in our environment as children or adolescents. And to be honest, we did not always defend the despised, if we ourselves were not the despised.

This group phenomenon in the development of the child's personality and identity from infancy seems to be consubstantial with our nature as human beings. Without forgetting, of course, that the search for the social good is also consubstantial to the human being.. That is to say, in our development as "I's" we will differentiate, we will be valid, that is, "of the good" as opposed to the invalid, the different, the clumsy. In a way this is inevitable and there are many psychological and social experiments that prove it.

Thus, we should not be deceived and understand that the shadow of bullying underlies almost every group relationship that takes place in adolescence, in the transition from child to adult, in the process of shaping their personality. Social alert, therefore, is essential, and the response to the slightest sign of bullying among peers is unavoidable.. To "look the other way" is not acceptable, neither for institutions nor for families. Assuming that the problem will solve itself and will not leave a trace is very naive.

On the other hand, there is a phenomenon that often goes unnoticed. In many, many cases, the rejection begins with colleagues who until that moment were precisely the best of friends.. There is nothing more terrible than for reproach to begin precisely with the person to whom I have opened my Heart and in whom I have placed all my trust. The depository of my most intimate secrets "turns" against me, and even takes advantage of this "knowledge of me" to further debase the harassment of others.

In these cases the impact of this phenomenon on self-esteem, on the notion that the child is developing of himself, is devastating. To be isolated by the popular, the "bullies" or the strong is already terrible in itself, but to be pilloried by my dearest friend does not "fit" in the head of the bullied, and as always happens in any type of trauma, the victim, unable to understand, unable to explain rationally what is happening, will end up concluding that the odd one is him or her, and ultimately the victim will finally be guilty, will end up concluding that he or she is the odd one out, and in the end the victim will finally be the one to blame..

The therapy applied to bullying

In Vitaliza we approach this so complex phenomenon from all its sidesas it can not be otherwise. The wound as such, the trauma, we approach it mainly with an EMDR approach that involves the reprocessing of the experience in a functional way by means of bilateral stimulation.

But before such intervention we prepare the person by previously establishing a solid therapeutic bond, reducing their anxiety response based on biofeedback and neurofeedback training and providing them with mindfulness tools, through our therapeutic mindfulness program that allow them to regulate themselves in the scenarios that were previously overwhelming.

Regulation through bio and/or neurofeedback, self-awareness through mindfulness work and addressing the traumatic wound with one of the most effective proven tools such as EMDR is the triangle of intervention of our center, with more than encouraging results.

Author: Javier Elcarte, Psychologist Expert in Trauma.