Bullying: what can parents of the aggressor or victim do?

What to do as parents of bullying victims or aggressors?

More and more cases of bullying are occurring in schools.. Unfortunately, we often find that the school or institute intervenes little or not at all. In these cases, as a parent, it is very natural to feel helpless, since it is probably the first time we encounter this and we do not know how to act.

It is very important to be clear about all the agents involved in a case of bullying, since not everything is reduced to the aggressor-victim relationship. In a case of bullying we will find the figure of the victim (the person who receives the aggressions of bullying), the figure of the aggressor (the person who has harassing behaviors towards the victim), the family (both the family of the aggressor and of the victim are relevant), the classmates (both of the aggressor and of the victim), the teaching team and the management team of the school. All these figures can and should contribute to end the bullying situation.

Often, those who tend to move and try to find solutions are the parents of the bullied person. We must be clear that the family of the person who assaults must also take actionIf their child is being bullied, surely, there is also a lot of emotional discomfort in him/her and we cannot allow that another person is also suffering unfairly because of it.

Next we will see some keys to know how to act, both if you are a parent of the person who assaults and if you are a parent of the person assaulted.

What can I do as a parent of the victim in case of bullying?

These are the most effective measures you can take:

1. Do not encourage aggression or revenge.

There have been many cases in which the victim ends up developing bullying behaviors in a vindictive way. It is necessary to show empathy with the frustration they feel and promote alternative coping strategies to aggression. alternatives to aggression.

2. Communication and listening

Many times they do not tell what they are experiencing. It is important to help them break the silence and let them know that this situation should not be hidden. It is necessary to listen to them without judging themAsk them open questions so that they can express themselves as much as possible and let them know that this situation can be fixed.

3. Offer emotional support and avoid feelings of guilt or shame.

It is essential to offer this emotional and unconditional support.. We will not tell him/her to try to solve it on his/her own, if he/she could, he/she would have already done it. As parents we must avoid feeling guilt or shame for what may be happening to our child, as it will make it difficult for us to address the problem in an effective way. We will teach them to assert their rights and promote their self-esteem.

4. Avoid reproaches and nerves

Let's act with security and calm; our child now needs confidence, security and to be able to reduce his or her level of anxiety or anguish.. Knowing that their parents will not act impulsively or without consulting them, will give them just the security they need.

5. Firm and positive coping attitude

Without forcing anything or forcing any situation so as not to generate more fear, the need to address the situation, showing determination and positivity in the process.by showing determination and positivism in the process.

6. Know what he/she has tried to do so far and what he/she wants to do.

Let us not make any decision without deciding it together with our child. We must know what he/she has tried so far and what has worked and what has not worked..

7. Keep a personal diary

Suggesting that he/she write a diary will help him/her to better elaborate and digest what he/she is going through.. In addition, it will help us to be able to record all the details and have evidence and information in case it is necessary to prove it later.

8. Request the intervention of the educational center

Any educational center, when faced with a case or suspicion of bullying, is absolutely obliged to implement the protocol for the prevention, detection and intervention of bullying. for the prevention, detection and intervention of bullying. In the event that the school does not implement the protocol, the next step is to go to the inspection services. And in serious cases, where no resolution can be found, the next step is to go to the courts.

9. Seek professional support

If your child expresses emotional distress or in very serious cases, ideations of self-harm, you should go to a psychologist to offer professional support.

10. Do not adopt a passive attitude

Under no circumstances should we think that the best thing to do is to do nothing.. If we do something, it will not aggravate the problem, it will always bring us closer to ending this unfair and painful situation that our child is living.

What can I do as a parent of the aggressor?

Follow these tips to encourage them to stop this type of harassment.

1. Accept and accept your child's behavior.

As much as it hurts to accept that your child is having bullying behaviors towards another classmate, assuming and accepting it is not going to turn him/her into an aggressor all his/her life nor is it going to be detrimental. If we really want to protect and take care of him/her, let's put an end to bullying behaviors and address the motives that lead him/her to attack a peer..

2. Communication

Talk directly about the issue and what is happening. Let's understand why our child is engaging in these behaviors. Above all, let's act calmly and without being driven by impulses.. We must listen to him/her and he/she must listen to us.

3. Consequences, behavior control, damage repair and firmness.

He/she must know that the family does not tolerate or accept violent behaviors, we must explain the possible consequences of these behaviors and make it clear to him/her that this situation must end. The aggressor should be encouraged to apologize to the person being harassed and to repair any possible damage caused..

4. Encourage empathy and prosocial behavior.

Teach him/her to practice positive behaviors and reinforce them. Let him/her know that his/her family values prosocial behaviors and that he/she can empathize with his/her peers. Analyze with him/her the harmful consequences of this situation for both him/her and the victim.

5. Be models of empathy and prosocial behavior.

We must be models of positive behaviorIt is very important that we can offer them this, whether it is ourselves or other classmates or other people whose behavior is positive to look at. Remember that parents are the main reference for your child.

6. Follow-up of the behavior

It is important that once the bullying situation has been addressed, it is possible to follow up on the evolution of the aggressor's behavior. It may be beneficial to talk to the tutor or school psychologist..

7. Request support from the school

It is very important that the family of the person who is bullying also requests that the bullying prevention, detection and intervention protocol for bullying at the school be activated and that the family can actively participate in it. that the family can actively participate in it..

8. Seek professional support

It may be that the bullying behaviors are the result of the projection of a lot of anger that our child has accumulated, feelings of insecurity or inferiority, low tolerance to frustration, lack of empathy, low social skills, or that he/she had an experience as a victim of bullying. In any case, it is very important that you can have professional support from a psychologist who can offer you to improve your emotional well-being.

As a conclusion:

Remember that in any case of bullying or suspicion of bullying, we must take action.whoever we are, since Pain and suffering are not part of the academic curriculum.