Couples in crisis, dysfunctional families

Different ways in which couple problems become family problems.

Since the couple is the basis of the family and the family the basis of society, we must ask ourselves: why is humanity experiencing one of the worst crises in terms of human values?

Our present society is sick because, among other things, we have been unwilling to respect the psycho-psychological foundations of our society, we have not wanted to respect the psychobiological bases from which the personality of the human being is structured..

Going beyond these psychobiological principles, which have been amply explained on the basis of the discoveries of Verny and Kelly in 1981, where "it was firmly established that parents exert an overwhelming influence on the physical and mental characteristics of children during their development", we should rethink: what is happening in couples?

The psychological implications of the dysfunctional family.

Let us analyze this great paradox. If the couple is the axis from where the family is structured, this means that a well-grounded couple will be the architect of a stable and happy family, as a consequence of the commitment acquired implicitly by both partners.This commitment is inherent to the cells as the living beings that we are and to the human psyche, due to its capacity to imitate behaviors. Therefore, the example that parents will transmit to their children continues to be of transcendental importance, since it is from there where they will obtain a great part of what they need to be formed as a good human being.

Environments where love, respect, honesty, generosity, responsibility, common sense and good communication, among others, will be the values that will articulate not only the stability of the couple, but also the happiness of all its members. Thus, if healthy societies come from healthy families and healthy families from healthy couples, then what are the circumstances under which a couple's relationship begins to deteriorate and ends up destroying the couple's life as a couple? and therefore destroys the life of the couple and therefore that of the family??

In this first installment, I am going to refer to some of the causes of dysfunctionality as forms of behavior, and that are inherited from upbringing because they were learned this way. The big problem is that they continue to be repeated unconsciously and continue to cause the same damage in family relationships.

1. Not showing affection, respect and dedication to the child

Let him or her know by your behaviors that you care about his or her well-being, that he or she is important to you.that he or she is important to you. An action is worth a thousand words.

2. Not sharing household chores and responsibilities with the children when you both work

It is important to agree on which chores each of you can or should doIt is important to agree on what chores each one can or should do, so that the sharing of responsibilities is equal.

3. Not fulfilling the responsibility of providing for the material needs of the household.

Prior agreements should be made depending on the income of each one.

4. Compulsive behaviors of extreme order or disorder.

Develop ideas that will lead to a middle ground that is satisfactory to both of you. satisfactory for both of you.

5. Not sharing recreational or leisure time.

Living as a couple means that you no longer enjoy the same freedom individually as you do individually.Therefore, negotiate outings with friends so that no one feels excluded. In addition, it is important not to prohibit him/her from going out with his/her particular group of friends.

6. Not to listen to the needs (physical or emotional) that the partner claims

The way of communicating does not help, because generally, these needs are not expressed directly, assuming that your partner who "supposedly knows you well", should know it. You have to remember that in your partner's head there may be a completely different idea than the one you have.Therefore, you must learn to say things in a way that makes them completely clear.

7. Not expressing feelings and emotions correctly

This is sometimes done by using mechanisms such as anger (exploding very easily), lying (evading the situation and generating a time bomb, because nothing is hidden forever), or pride (which prevents recognizing mistakes and assuming the consequences of them).

8. Not practicing spiritual activities together or separately

It is important to respect your partner's beliefsnot to impose your own.

9. Not providing support when he/she wants to study or work

Very often, many couples make the mistake of make the mistake of impeding the other person's development, frustrating his or her plan for the future.. These situations are very common, especially in macho cultures like ours.

10. Not respecting the other person's space through continuous control of what he/she does.

This leads to very frustrating situations for the person who is living it and usually triggers situations of abuse. triggers situations of mistreatment.

11. Not participating in in-laws' meetings

This selfish behavior does a lot of harm to the partner, who, in order not to end up not to end up discussing a topic keeps silent about it, generating frustration, anger and resentment..

12. Not managing money efficiently

The irresponsibility is one of the worst habits that not only destroys the relationship not only destroy the relationship, but also the economy of the family.. Vices such as gambling, drugs or alcohol and spending money compulsively are the main ones.