Divorce in middle age: keys for coping with it

Separations can be traumatic, especially at a certain age.

The stage of maturity has been and continues to be studied by psychology, and although there is no rule that defines exactly what maturity is in its entirety, psychology as an interdisciplinary science has made use of a great variety of constructs in order to gather and give a definition that is not only psychological but also integrative of what this stage of life involves.

The dictionary of the Spanish royal academy defines maturity as maturity as that stage in which one has reached the fullness of life and has not yet reached old age.. Theorists have come to the conclusion that maturity fluctuates between 45 and 65 years of age and is for many the stage where responsibilities (family or work) gradually end: those who formed a family in their youth, for example, see how their children form new families and move away from home.

In short, maturity is a transitional stage that all human beings are destined to experience. A phase in which people have generally achieved most of their professional, family, social, academic, etc. goals. Of course, that does not mean that it is free of crises and potentially problematic phenomena.

The divorce crisis

Among the many crises and problems that usually occur at this stage, there is one that has been on the rise in the last 10 to 15 years: Divorce. The possibility of experiencing this stage tends to increase at this stage of life, a phenomenon with a multi-causal origin and which is not always easy to intervene in from the psychological point of view.

Curiously, about two decades ago it was less common to think about divorce at this stage of life. Although there were cases, it was not the alternative to choose if there were marital problems, because many people considered that this stage is where you can enjoy your life as a couple more and without so many complications. Time to enjoy the company of the spouse with privacy, in short.

Social and even religious issues have taken a back seat and divorce has gained strength to the point of being considered the most viable option when you no longer want to live with your partner.

What can be the causes of divorce?

A divorce cannot be explained by a single cause, but there are certain aspects that influence more than others. For example, several mental health experts assert that one of the causes of divorce in middle or late middle age is due to what they have termed the empty nest syndrome, which is the feeling of loneliness and abandonment that some parents may experience in their children. of loneliness and abandonment that some parents or guardians may experience when their children leave their or guardians may experience when their children stop living in the same household and/or form a family.

Experts point out that most couples focus more on raising the children and less on the couple's relationship, and when the children complete their cycle within the family and the parents are left alone, they discover their spouses in their totality, with all their pleasant and unpleasant aspects that were not so noticeable before. If, in addition, within the relationship there have been marital problems that have not been solved (infidelities, conflicts in the division of tasks, etc.), the syndrome becomes the fastest way to end the marriage or the marital relationship.

Coping with divorce with fortitude

A divorce at this stage of maturity tends to be very painfulThe thought of being alone in old age terrifies many people. Not having a companion, not having physical or emotional support, can be devastating.

In this regard, for example, the British Medical Journalpublished a study on people of mature age, which stated that loneliness caused by widowhood, separation or divorce, increases the risk of suffering cognitive impairment later in life. This can be interpreted as an effect of the social and affective impoverishment that some of these people may experience.

Love can come to an end, but a much more difficult task arises after all this stage. And that is to break the emotional ties that have bound us to that person for years, a difficult task to cope with.

Can a divorce be avoided?

Each couple has its own history and it is not possible to give an exact and correct formula to this question since each couple is very different. In any case, the question "can a divorce be avoided" is in itself a sign of a problem: to consider that under certain conditions one member of the couple may be able to decide for the other person..

It is a matter of taking a good balance of the needs and objectives that the other person may have, and to apply self-criticism to see in which points it is oneself who is favoring the appearance of conflicts.. And, if the other person wants a divorce, respect his or her decision. Divorce becomes an ordeal when one of the two parties does not want to accept it, and refuses to step aside from the relationship.

What to do if divorce occurs in middle age?

Yes, divorce is a very difficult stage, but the attitude we take towards it will be indispensable in order not to transform this crisis into something bigger. The objective must be to to go through the divorce peacefully and with an appropriate self-regulation of emotions..

When someone goes through a divorce, it will always be necessary that people of great confidence are there in those moments, people that serve as emotional support and that by their history of experiences and affective ties towards the person are very indicated to listen and attend to the person that goes through this painful stage. Empathy plays an important role.

To this end, it is good to let them know that they need to be listened to, it is good to let them know that their support is needed. (if needed) so that they can act accordingly while being informed: some people may assume that their attempts at outreach and reassurance may be unwelcome.

However, in some cases keeping calm will sometimes be impossible. When the situation becomes untenable, it is best to seek professional help.

Once the divorce process is over, it is advisable to do sports activities if the person is able to do so, or to do some activity that breaks the routine. to carry out some activity that breaks the routine and that is pleasurable.. It is also useful to work to improve self-esteem, which may have been compromised during the divorce.