Emotional self-regulation: what it is, and strategies to enhance it.

A series of tips and formulas to learn how to better regulate our own emotions.

Although in recent decades the population has become more aware of the importance of emotional intelligence, the skills related to it are not always applied.

Among the most important of these is emotional self-regulation, which is fundamental to be able to cope better with our own emotions.which is fundamental to be able to deal efficiently, in a socially non-disruptive and individually non-damaging way, with all kinds of situations that alter our moods.

Next we will see more in depth this idea, three types of strategies that are inside the emotional self-regulation and ways to improve it in the childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

What is emotional self-regulation?

Emotional self-regulation can be understood as the ability to optimally manage emotions. That is, it is a construct encompassed within intrapersonal emotional intelligence that allows us to transform a potentially stressful and emotionally altering experience into something that, although it continues to be unpleasant, we understand that it is temporary, impersonal and controllable. Good emotional self-regulation implies being able to identify what is happening to us, monitor its progress and intervene so that it disappears.

Based on this definition, it is understandable how important it is to have this ability well developed. It allows us to face all kinds of life situations that, whether we like it or not, involve a series of emotional experiences.. When something happens to us we have a previous emotional state and, based on the characteristics of that event, our state can change positively or negatively.

We do not give the same response to the same event when we are calm as when we are angry. If we are under pressure, it is foreseeable that we will give an inefficient response, which will frustrate us and make us suffer more anxiety. On the other hand, if we are more relaxed, we are likely to think in a cooler, more calculating and efficient way, giving an adaptive response to the problem, whatever it may be.

Emotional self-regulation would imply that, even if we are in an undesirable state of mind for the situation in which we find ourselves, we would know how to manage this emotionality. That is to say, it implies being able to analyze oneself, to reduce the degree to which feelings produce sudden ups and downs, and to redirect its energy towards a more adaptive objective.. For example, if we are angry, instead of starting to destroy urban furniture, a good option is to channel that energy and play a sport while we are in that state.

The modal theory of emotions

For some time now there have been theories within psychology that have insisted on defending the idea that emotions are completely automatic and inevitable processes. In other words, no matter how much training we think we have, emotions appear and there is no way to control them. If you are angry, you are hardly going to be able to reduce that feeling and think coldly about how you feel. However, this is not the idea behind the construct of emotional self-regulation.

The idea of emotional self-regulation is based on the modal theory of emotions. This considers that emotions are not instinctive reactions, but occur for different reasons, such as the context, the predisposition of the person, and this is where the idea of self-regulation comes in. and this is where the idea of self-regulation comes in, the individual's capacity to moderate his or her mood.

According to the model, emotions imply a process that starts when an emotionally relevant situation appears. This may originate from within the person, such as remembering an unpleasant experience, or experiencing an emotionally tense situation. Then, the person directs his attention towards that emotional event, evaluating and interpreting what happened at a cognitive and emotional level. From here the response is produced, which will mobilize emotional, mental and behavioral elements.

According to the model, it is possible to intervene in this process. However, there will be something that activates us emotionally, it is our capacity for self-regulation that will make our thoughts, emotions secondary to the event and behavior different from those that could occur if we did not control ourselves..

Emotional regulation strategies.

There are many strategies of emotional self-regulation, and each person, as long as he or she does it in a functional and adaptive way, can apply his or her own. However, the most frequent ones are the following.

1. Suppression of thoughts

This strategy consists, as its name suggests, in suppressing the thoughts that cause us discomfort. In this way we try to change the emotional state, leaving the unpleasant situation and going to one, imagined or real, that does not produce us so much stress..

For example, if we think of a negative comment made to us today at work, which puts us in a very bad mood, the alternative would be to try to defocus our attention by listening to music or imagining a beautiful landscape.

Although this strategy is very common, simple and cheap, it is not effective in the long run, it is not effective in the long run.. It is true that it offers temporary relief, but usually the thoughts from which one was fleeing end up coming back with more force.

2. Emotional reconsideration

The strategy of emotional reconsideration, or reappraisal, consists of modifying the way in which we interpret a situation in order to try to change the impact it has on our emotional state..

For example, if we have just broken up with our partner, it is clear that we will feel negative feelings such as sadness, uncertainty or fear of not finding love again.

However, by means of the reappraisal we can reconsider the situation, looking at its positive side. For example, in this particular case, we can see that breaking up with that person is a breakthrough, since we no longer have a burden in our lives that prevents us from developing as full and happy people.

Emotional reconsideration is one of the most effective and adaptive emotional self-regulation strategies. In fact it is very recurrent in cognitive-behavioral therapy.

3. Cognitive distancing

Cognitive distancing consists of taking an independent and neutral stance towards the event or emotional situation that upsets us.. In this way we are able to reduce its impact on our mental state, and it is easier to choose the response we want to give.

This is complicated, but in order to achieve it, what we do is to refocus our emotional state, calm down and think coldly about what kind of response we want to give. Basically, cognitive detachment helps us avoid making bad decisions in the heat of the moment.

How to improve this skill?

Based on what we have seen, it is clear that good emotional self-regulation is a protective factor against psychopathology, in addition to avoiding problems at the social and work level. For example, having a good ability to prevent our feelings from controlling us when we are arguing with our partner or with our boss are ways to avoid breaking up with our boyfriend or girlfriend or ending up unemployed, respectively.

Next we will look at useful ways to improve emotional self-regulation in childhood, adolescence and adulthood..

In childhood

An ideal time to work on this ability is in childhood, given how moldable children are and their ability to learn easily. Teaching them to regulate their emotions at such an early age will help them to better manage their emotions in the educational and social context, avoiding poor academic performance and conflicts with other children.avoiding poor academic performance and conflicts with other children.

The first thing to do is to teach them to identify what feelings they are feeling at any given moment. Children often have many problems to be aware of their emotions. For this reason, deliberately practicing to become aware of them can be really useful, always starting from a state of relaxation.

What they can be asked to do is to dramatize intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear.... The idea is to make them express these feelings in a safe and controlled mannerThe idea is to make them express these feelings in a safe and controlled way, so that, when they come in real life, they can identify them and manage them.

In adolescence

Although they have a greater ability to recognize emotions than children, adolescents may also have problems mastering this ability. This is because, despite having more cognitive abilities, adolescence is a turbulent period, where emotions run high.

A good way to make them aware of their emotions is to have them write a diary or put up an emotion calendar.. In the diary they can write how they have felt each day, putting what has triggered the emotion, how they have reacted and what they have done to control it, while in the calendar they represent with colors what they have felt.

Both the calendar and the emotional diary are useful for the adolescent to analyze, by means of the cognitive distancing strategyThe person should ask himself or herself questions such as "What good has it done to feel this way?", "What have I learned from this?", "Why couldn't I control myself?", "What did I do?

In adults

Adults have a much greater capacity to identify their feelings, although there are always those who still do not have adequate emotional self-regulation.

Likewise, in adulthood we have certain advantages.. One is that since emotions are not so intense, we can control ourselves better. The other is that as the ups and downs occur less frequently, self-regulation is not a capacity that seems so useful at first and we consider that, either by inertia or simply by avoiding unpleasant situations, we have the situation under control.

But despite these supposed advantages, we really need to improve a lot. Emotional self-regulation, as we said before, serves as a control factor for all kinds of unpleasant situations that, on many occasions, we cannot avoid: are we really going to control ourselves if the boss yells at us? how will we respond when our partner tells us that he cheated on us? what happens if we have cancer?

These situations will involve a strong emotional response, and how we respond can be vital. Learning to respond in a calm, cool and responsible way can be what allows us to enjoy a happy life, whether our partner is by our side, we get fired or the disease worsens.

Accepting that we are emotional roller coasters and that unforeseen events occur in life is the first step.. It is difficult, but it is also an easily observable reality. How we feel may not change the gravity of our fate, but it does change how we will experience it.

In fact, how we feel may not change the gravity of our fate, but it does change how we will live it, many therapies focused on oncology patients focus on doing everything possible so that the patient learns to modulate their emotions.. This makes sense considering that this type of patients have a life expectancy 5 years longer if they receive psychotherapy.

Going to consultation, learning to control their emotions and applying it in their daily life is what makes them more favorable to respect the whole treatment, to not let themselves be carried away by the fear of death and despair. They control themselves, and enjoy the process, as much as they can.

Bibliographical references:

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• Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional Intelligence. Barcelona: Kairos.
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• Mayer, J.D. (2001). A field guide to emotional intelligence. En Ciarrochi, J., Forgas, J.P. y Mayer, J.D. (2001). Emotional Intelligence in Everyday Life. Philadelphia: Psychology Press.
• Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., Caruso, D. R., & Sitarenios, G. (2001). Emotional intelligence as a standard intelligence. Emotion, 1, 232-242
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• Vallés, A. y Vallés, C. (2003). La autorregulación para el afrontamiento emocional. En Vallés, A. y Vallés, C. (2003). Psicopedagogía de la Inteligencia Emocional. Valencia: Promolibro.