Emotional wounds: what are they and how do they affect us?

Emotional wounds can cause us to become accustomed to harmful ways of managing emotions.

Did you know that your way of seeing the world, of interpreting reality, of seeing and perceiving situations, is learned in childhood? The environment, the family, the socio-economic and cultural context, life experiences, character... also influence it.

We don't give them much importance, but childhood experiences leave traces that mark our personality. In this article I will explain how the emotional wounds of childhood affect our present and can condition our future..

What is an emotional wound?

It is a fact that we all have "wounds" from our childhood. No matter how hard our parents or caregivers tried, no matter how much they loved us, it could be argued that we all have "wounds" that are often created in our home.

You may ask... what is an emotional wound? To answer this question, I invite you to imagine an event that produces an intense emotion in you, for example, pain, rage, loneliness, anger, fear, sadness..., and that you are unable to resolve it adequately. When that intense emotion is fixed inside you, an emotional wound is created. If we do not have the necessary tools to face these emotions, nor the appropriate accompaniment, we run the risk of "getting used" to feeling these intense emotions and not resolving them.

How are the first wounds created?

Emotional wounds can be the result of traumatic events (abuse, death of a family member, maltreatment...), or they can also be caused by a distorted interpretation of reality in childhood. It is important to point out that in childhood we are good at grasping situations and even details, but our interpretation is still very immature, not being able to adequately understand what is happening in our lives.We are phylogenetically programmed to attend to what is happening around us.

We are phylogenetically programmed to attend to all "possible" stimuli unconsciously, and only a small number of these stimuli are those that are processed at a conscious level.

As we grow, the number of wounds increases or the wounds we already have get bigger. Some of these wounds are healed in the process of growth, but others become "infected".. In order to face them, we adopt different behaviors with which we manage to "avoid" the Pain they cause us. But that is precisely the problem; we avoid it, we do not solve it, and the problem becomes more and more "entrenched" within us. It could be said that we anesthetize ourselves, and that prevents us from giving it the importance it requires, and from seeking help to solve it.

Warning signs

Generally, in therapy, we find various signs that indicate that a person may have "infected" emotional wounds, and that the behaviors he or she presentsand that the behaviors he/she presents are, in fact, symptoms of this "infection". By way of illustration I will mention a few signs for us to identify, but there are many more.

1. Elevated levels of Anxiety

It presents with palpitations, tremors, excessive sweating, sensation of imminent danger, accelerated breathing...

2. Depression

It is presented through the persistent feeling of sadness or emptiness, hopelessness, demotivation, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, etc.feelings of worthlessness or persistent feelings of guilt, etc.

3. Difficulty in affective relationships

Constant conflicts arise in affective relationships or difficulty in establishing and maintaining them.

4. Sleep problems

There may be difficulty in falling asleep or maintaining sleep, they may also sleep many hours too many.

5. Obsessive thoughts

They are presented with recurrent ideas that generate significant discomfort.

6. Insecurity

Lack of confidence in oneself and in one's personal abilities and resources.

7. Fear

This fear spreads in several areas of life and "blocks" or "paralyzes" us when we blocks or "paralyzes" us at the moment of achieving our objectives..

8. Mistrust

It occurs with the tendency to believe that people are dishonest with us, which prevents us from maintaining healthy relationships.

9. Defensive or aggressive attitude

Appears a difficulty to accept our responsibility in the situations or to accept the criticisms, so that we prepare for the attack or attack us.We prepare ourselves for the attack or we attack first.

Main emotional wounds of childhood

I am going to mention the 5 main emotional wounds that are opened mainly in childhood, and that have an impact in our behavior at the moment of relating with other people.

1. Abandonment wound

This wound is opened when our affective needs in childhood have not been met for a prolonged period of time, so that we have been able to experience loneliness.We may have experienced loneliness, lack of affection or lack of protection.

People with this open wound may try to obtain the affection they lacked in childhood from their partners, friends or children, and may develop emotional dependence. They may also show this fear of abandonment by using protective mechanisms so as not to really connect with people, and thus avoid being abandoned. They are the two extremes of the same wound.

2. Wound of rejection

This wound opens when we have felt rejected in our childhood. They may not have accepted our thoughts, feelings, experiences, in short, they may have rejected a part of us. This generates the idea that we are not worthy of loving or being loved, and can lead us to self-destruction.and can lead us to self-loathing.

People who have this open wound have difficulty accepting criticism and suffer a lot when someone does not accept their idea or proposal. They tend to strive for recognition and approval from others. They may also avoid suffering from rejection by avoiding interpersonal relationships.

3. Wound of humiliation

This wound is opened when we experience many criticisms in our childhood, with negative messages related to our way of doing things, when they criticize our capacity or our abilities. Also when they do things for us. This ends up making us feel useless and incapable, insecure about ourselves and our ideas and thoughts..

People who have this open wound show a fragile and vulnerable self-esteem, they tend to depend on the image that other people have of them, needing their approval and constant recognition. For this they are often complacent to the point of self-annihilation, and may even ridicule themselves, because deep down they consider themselves inferior, unworthy or less valuable than they really are.

4. Wound of betrayal

This wound opens up when we have had childhood experiences of being deceived because our parents or primary caregivers did not fulfill their our parents or primary caregivers did not deliver what they had promised us.. This could have been something punctual, but important, or it could have happened on many occasions, generating distrust and loneliness.

People who have this open wound usually have trust problems in their interpersonal relationships, and to compensate for this, they need to "control" because it gives them security, so there is less chance of being betrayed.

5. Wound of injustice

This wound opens when the education that has been exercised with us has been authoritarian, imposing the views of our parents, but without taking into account our needs or our interests..

People who have this open wound usually have mental rigidity, and this is shown in their opinions and value judgments that they express as absolute truths. They tend to have difficulty accepting other points of view, and have a tendency towards order and perfectionism.

Can these wounds be healed?

We are not condemned to live with these "infected" or open wounds forever. In psychological therapy, we can work to identify our wounds and heal them..

In my professional experience, we all have these wounds, to a greater or lesser extent. Sometimes we have healed them without realizing it, but in general, we connect with these wounds on a daily basis and, not knowing it, we do not give them the importance they require. We run the risk of getting used to it and thinking that "that's just the way we are" or that "we are unlucky".. But in reality, connecting with our wounds makes us act in different ways, which are not the healthiest or most appropriate.

It also influences that the initial wound usually comes from childhood, and not having sufficiently developed cognitive skills at those ages, we are not necessarily aware of those memories and the impact they had on us.

For this reason, I consider it necessary that if you identify with any of what you have read in this article, do not hesitate to look for suitable psychology professionals who can accompany you on this journey of self-knowledge, to help you identify the emotional wounds of childhood and you can work to heal them. In this way, you can prevent those emotional wounds caused in childhood from continuing to affect your present and condition your future.