Eyes Open for Childhood Sexual Abuse

A review of the signs that help to detect cases of child sexual abuse.

In the first installment of the series of articles dedicated to child abuse in childhood we emphasized the feeling of abandonment, loneliness, darkness and dullness in which the abused child lives. In the second article we focused on the difficulty for the caregiver to realize what is happening, sometimes in front of his or her own eyes, eyes that for different reasons are very difficult to open.

In this third article we want to focus on the signs that allow us to see, that can help us, or at least guide us, when discovering if a child in our environment is being abused.. Behaviors, symptoms that any sensitive caregiver should pay attention to and wonder what could be happening to that child to make him or her behave or feel that way.

The importance of early detection of child sexual abuse.

First of all, we would like to put on record that, on many occasions, more than you might think, the child tries or tends to talk about what happened and to tell about it, but it is also true that such a call for help may not always be the first one.But it is also true that this call for help may not be sufficiently explicit and its messages come through play, drawings, or also in attempts to tell.

But, even if it is told, it is often ignored, not heeded, or minimized, or its story is questioned, so that this call is rarely picked up by the caregivers, as we mentioned in the previous article.

It should also be noted that, according to the figures offered in different studies, only between 2% and 8% of children lie when telling that they have suffered some type of sexual abuse.. Therefore, we should ask ourselves; both caregivers, professionals and lawyers, if we are facing that rare at most 8%.

So, believing the child in principle is not stupid, and shielding oneself in the usual: "children's things", "children have a lot of imagination"... is nothing more than a comfortable attitude that minimizes and avoids taking responsibility for what is happening, with dire consequences, as they become a secondary trauma to the abuse itself and that makes the confusion increase and the victim's ability to tell what happened is damaged forever.

How to detect the signs?

Obviously we do not expect to find the same signs in preschool children as in elementary school children or adolescents..

In the case of very young children and given their difficulty to have a minimum awareness of what is happening, we must be attentive to physical signs that, although they are not very common, it is good to investigate, such as: redness, rashes or swelling in the genital area, urine infections and the like, as well as irritability or low spirits. Sometimes we will find persistent somatizations such as chronic headaches or stomach aches.

In any case, at these ages one of the most common signs is the excessive sexualization of behavior and language, such as adopting sexualized postures, adopting sexualized positionssuch as adopting sexualized postures, presenting a sexual attitude with their toys and/or talking and giving details of sexual aspects, or addressing others in a sexualized manner.

Between the ages of 6 and 12 years, it is expected to find the same physiological signs mentioned above that would include aspects such as: pain, bleeding, discharge or other physical trauma to the genitals, anus or mouth, genital infections in girls or sexually transmitted diseases, recurrent Pain when urinating or defecating, or even difficulty swallowing.

However, the most frequent signs are psychological.. The child suddenly starts having nightmares or insomnia with no apparent explanation. He is distant or distracted in strange situations. Sudden changes in appetite (increase or decrease), as well as in mood; anger, fear, insecurity, withdrawal, etc., appear. Occasionally leaves clues that lead to conversations of sexual content in the environment. Shows new or unusual fear of certain places or people. Refuses to talk about secrets he/she shares with an adult. Writes, draws, plays or dreams of sexual or frightening images. He talks about a new, older friend he has met. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, has money, toys or other gifts. Sees self or body as repulsive, dirty or bad. Exhibits adult sexual behaviors, language, and knowledge.

In adolescence, there is often a heightened awareness of what has happened and/or is happening.. It is a stage in which the egocentrism of more infantile stages returns to take center stage and they will appropriate the responsibility and guilt of what happened, generating and increasing the shame and rejection towards themselves. The beginning of love relationships can be an activator of the traumatic experience, and can lead to avoidance behaviors and extreme fear of sexual relations or at other times to risky behaviors, where sexuality is used as a means of receiving affection and attention.

Sometimes, the very changes of adolescence at the maturity level favor or propitiate the generation of complaints and attempts to put limits to this abusive behavior. This is always easier if they have a supportive and understanding partner, a safe environment or adequate therapeutic support.

What to do.

If the slightest sign of suspicion is observed, it may be the result of sexual abuse or another problem in the adolescent's life. Let's take time to talk and seek help.. If we recognize several indicators in a teen we know or if the teen discloses that he or she has been sexually abused, call the police or child protective services and seek help immediately.

In the case of adolescents, obviously, it would seem to be expected to be able to inquire more openly about what is happening, but experience shows that the confusion and obscurity typical of other childhood ages, also happens in adolescence, so we cannot be satisfied with the adolescent not telling or denying that anything is happening with him/her.

Telling is often the beginning of a new hell, the family system can be shaken, one's vulnerability is exposed in a very complex stage. So it is it is not at all implausible that they should disavow what they have said in the face of the visibility generated by their denunciation, a visibility loaded with tension and discomfort.This visibility is fraught with tension and incomprehension, which is very difficult to handle. Therefore, it is understandable that denial is a way to end the pressure, the visibility, the pain. Consequently, a denial should not relax us and make us comfortable with the "ah, it didn't happen, thank goodness".

That is why We must take into account all the variables and above all an empathic and reflective look that goes beyond our astonishment and fear.. Signs that we can find: signs of depression or anxiety, self-destructive behaviors, suicidal thoughts or attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual promiscuity, running away from home, fear of intimacy or closeness, extra money or unexplained gifts, etc.

All these signs obviously do not always have a direct relationship with sexual abuse and can be secondary to many other traumatic events, simply to say that, on many occasions, in the face of suspicion, they can be clarifying elements. Already attending to them and paying attention to them, whatever the cause, can be the beginning of a way out of a situation that is beyond your control..

In any case, no one, no caregiver should face this type of situation alone. Remember that sexual abuse always occurs in a context of isolation for the child or adolescent. This is why we strongly recommend always talking to someone you trust, asking for advice and specialized therapeutic help, and educating yourself about child sexual abuse through existing resources in your area of residence.

It is good to keep in mind the signs detailed in this article, as well as feel comfortable talking about it. Most of the time, the child will not disclose what happened at first, and will even evaluate the adult's attitude when telling. If the adult is calm and reassuring, it will be easier for the child to disclose. Sometimes disclosing abuse takes the child weeks, months or even years. Be that as it may, we must have a reasonable understanding of sexuality, as well as the stages of sexual development in children and adolescents according to age and always be calm, confident and empathetic with the victim.

Authors: Javier Elcarte & Cristina Cortés, psychologists specialized in trauma. Founders and directors of Vitaliza.