Falling in love during adolescence: characteristics and associated problems

These are the psychological phenomena that characterize falling in love during adolescence.

Love is a universal but complicated feeling. If it is already difficult to understand this emotion in adulthood, it is even more difficult during adolescence, when it can be experienced in a more intense and passionate way, but also in a less lasting way.

Falling in love during adolescence is difficult for young people and also for their parents, parents who are very sad to see that their son or daughter is able to stop eating because he or she is constantly thinking about the person who makes him or her happy.

How does falling in love happen in adolescence? There are many signs that can indicate that our son or daughter is going through this phase and, next, we will see what they are.

The characteristics of falling in love during adolescence

There is no doubt that love is one of the most universal human feelings.. It is present in all races, cultures, countries and, of course, all ages. We feel love a few seconds after birth, when our mother and the rest of our family give us their unconditional love, manifested in the form of affection and protection given to us by those who will love us the most during our first years of life.

As time goes by and we grow up, this may change. It is not that our parents, siblings and other relatives stop loving us, in fact they will continue to love us almost as much or more than they did when we were born. However, when adolescence is reached, the presence of another person can be introduced into the formula, a boy or a girl for whom we feel a different kind of love. or, rather, romantic attraction.

First love usually coincides with adolescence. It is a love for a person outside our family nucleus, with potential sexual interest and that can be felt towards a classmate, a friend or a person we see often. This feeling, if it occurs during our puberty, is experienced intensely and with the clear interest that the person to whom we are attracted becomes our partner.

It is not strange that falling in love during adolescence is so intense, since this period is a turbulent time in everyone's life.. Hormones take control of our body which, to make matters worse, is accompanied by an internal conflict about who we are, searching for our identity in a sea of doubts, uncertainty and much, much emotional instability. We experience rejection in a particularly painful way and love in return as a real rush.

But we should not confuse falling in love in adolescence with love. Falling in love is actually the stage that precedes love, and can be experienced in a very intense and passionate way. This period is so intense that those who live it think it will never end. But it always ends, both for better and for worse. There are two possible outcomes to falling in love. One is love, the happy ending that one wishes to have with the person with whom one begins to date, while the other is falling out of love, the breakup of the relationship or directly discovering that there was never any kind of correspondence.

In adolescence it is difficult for infatuation to evolve into a loving relationship as it does in adulthood.. What usually happens is that the relationship lasts a few months, often with short-lived crushes and even several at once. However, whatever the duration of our teenager's relationship, it is important to understand that he or she lives it in a particularly intense way and to trivialize their relationship will only bring us conflicts and displeasure.

Signs of falling in love in adolescence

Although falling in love is not something scientifically quantifiable, we can detect a series of signs that warn us that our child is going through this period.

1. Feeling attracted to someone

The first sign that indicates that a teenager is falling in love is that he begins to feel attraction towards another person.

He or she doesn't quite know why he or she has noticed him or her, but something has caught his or her attention.Something that makes you want to know more about that person, to know him or her in greater depth, to spend time together. This attraction is constant and becomes more and more intense.

2. Notice butterflies in the stomach

The adolescent begins to feel nervous every time he/she sees that special person, he/she hears him/her talk or, simply, he/she simply feels nervous.He hears her speak or, simply, someone mentions his name. These sensations are what we call "butterflies in the stomach", uncontrollable nerves, very intense but not unpleasant.

You don't really know what is happening to you, but far from thinking that you have a stomach problem, what you feel is like a tingling sensation that you may find unpleasant. a tingling sensation that you may even find pleasant..

3. You have lost your appetite

Butterflies in the stomach are not a stomach problem by any means, but they can alter eating behavior temporarily and not seriously. The main symptom of falling in love at the stomach level is loss of appetite, which is uncontrollable and even surprising.

It is normal for parents to worry, since eating disorders in adolescence are a reality (anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder) but in case we know that it could be a consequence of infatuation, the best thing to do is not to force our child to eat. It cannot recover the appetite without more and to make that it eats when it does not want the only thing that is going to bring us is going to be some that another conflict..

4. It needs to be connected

Today's teenagers need to be connected almost 24/7 to their mobile devices, tablets, computers and any electronic device that allows them to use their social networks. This need increases even more when they go through a crush phase, needing to talk a lot of time with that special person or, in case they are still nothing, checking their status to know everything they do.

It is not possible to prohibit young people from using social networks without further ado, so this need should be respected as long as they use the devices moderately and responsibly. It is essential to establish a schedule in which young people can use their devices, but being aware that if they use them to communicate with their "crush" the best we can do as parents is to let them a little more time, without going overboard.

But like everything in life, the abuse of new technologies can lead to uncontrolled obsession and, in some cases, deprive them of important aspects of their lives, much more important than a hypothetical relationship with someone who does not necessarily feel the same way they do.

Visit of the problems that can result from spending too much time talking to the person you are in love with (and which are signs of a problem). (and that are signs of a problem) we have:

• Poorer academic performance.
• Difficulties in social relationships.
• Problems with the family.
• Neglect of personal habits such as sports, music and other hobbies.
• Personality and personal identity changes.
• Irritability when not using the Internet.

5. Increased attention to their appearance

Adolescents, whether in love or not, begin to pay more attention to their external image, taking care of their physical appearance. This is even more noticeable when they are in a crush phase, wanting to get the attention of the person they have feelings for and hoping that they like the way they look. and hoping that they will like the way they look.

Both boys and girls look in the mirror more, spend more time in the bathroom, do more sports, use creams, choose clothes and match them. As a general rule, men prefer to go to the gym to build muscle, while women do sports in order to be slim, although Muscle mass is also valued.

Beauty standards are changing, but just because they are changing does not mean they are no longer harmful. While there is nothing wrong with taking care of your outward appearance, neglecting your inner image, i.e. your inner aspects such as your emotions, personality and intellectual abilities, can be very harmful. Therefore, parents should act as guides to prevent their teenagers from falling into banality and becoming obsessed with achieving standards of beauty that are often impossible..

The importance of parents in this phase

As we mentioned, adolescence is a period in which there are usually many doubts, confusion and uncertainty. As with everything with adolescent children, it is essential that parents are there, acting as guides and demonstrating their constant unconditional love.

It is normal for there to be conflicts at home with a teenager, who prefers not to spend so much time with their parents, but they should know and feel that when they do not spend so much time with their parents, they are not alone.But they should know and feel that when they have a problem, their parents will be there to support them and offer help.

Every parent of a teenage child who knows that he/she is in the falling in love phase must understand and respect him/her, being clear that it is normal at that age to show a certain rebelliousness and independence, wanting to explore such an attractive and unknown world as that of young love. If what they are going to do does not imply any risk to their physical integrity, as parents we must allow them to do it, so that they feel that they have our approval and that we respect their decisions. We must not forget that we were also teenagers.

If we know that our child is going through a crush, it is essential that we talk to him or her, talk to them about what they feel. Most likely, they will refuse to share their feelings and will prefer to do it with a friend.However, by telling them about it, we will show them that we are aware of what they are going through and that, in case they need it, they can count on us to let off steam.

But the most important thing is to help them continue to develop their personality, and to take care of the important things in their life. One of the dangers that a teenager in love can commit is that this phase is so intense that it motivates them to make the wrong decisions, neglecting other important aspects of their lives. As parents we must identify this problematic behavior, call their attention and, if there is no other choice, intervene by cutting off the relationship and, if necessary, consult a psychologist specialized in adolescence.