Frequent conflicts in couple relationships, and solutions in therapy.

These are the main types of conflicts that appear in couple relationships.

A couple's relationship is an experience that directly or indirectly influences practically all aspects of life. Clearly, this is positive, because the emotional and physical support is embodied in many aspects of day-to-day life. However, that also means that conflicts in couple relationships can come from many directions.

In this article we will see what are the main types of conflicts in a couple's relationship, and various forms of intervention used in couple's therapy to used in couple therapy to solve them.

Frequent types of conflicts in couple relationships

The main types of conflicts treated in couples therapy can be grouped into these categories.

1. Jealousy in the couple's relationship

Jealousy is among the most frequent sources of discomfort among those in those who experience problems in their relationships, especially among young people. These kinds of problems are fueled by personal insecurities, the desire to unilaterally control what happens in the relationship, gender roles, and other aspects that often act in combination with each other.

Lack of time together

Poor organization and time management means that many couples can only spend a few hours a week in each other's company. This lack of quality time together is often a problem in itself, and also acts as a catalyst for all potential discomfort factors. of all potential discomfort factors in that relationship.

3. Differences in future plans

Although the day-to-day experience of life as a couple is focused on the present, it is inevitable that from time to time one thinks about the implications of staying in that relationship for the long term, and how that fits in with one's expectations of what one wants to do with one's life. Y when mismatches are detected in this, distress and insecurity about whether the relationship has a future emerge..

For example, the degree to which one wants to have sons or daughters can sow discord if there are significant differences in the preferences of each one; the same happens with everything related to where one wants to live, the level of income one wants to have at a certain point in life.

4. Problems in the allocation of household chores

Such conflicts are often based on gender roles.Women tend to feel greater pressure to take care of household chores "by default. However, these asymmetries can occur in either direction in heterosexual couples, and the discomfort is especially intense when work stress and lack of time to rest are added to this.

5. Lack of trust due to infidelities

Infidelities almost always give rise to a deep breach in the dynamics of affection and coexistence, generating a couple crisis.generating a couple crisis. The fundamental aspect of these crises is usually the lack of trust in the other, the idea that it is no longer worthwhile to continue being involved in the relationship.

6. Differences in the degree to which one thinks about oneself or the relationship.

If one of the partners clearly tends to think more about him/herself than the other partner in all matters relating to life as a couple, it is to be expected that conflicts will arise. This occurs through everyday life; for example, by forgetting relevant aspects that the other person has explained during the meal, by not remembering an anecdote together that was special at the time, etc.

7. Problems in the relationship with the other person's relatives.

This type of conflict with third parties can generate another conflict within the relationship, due to the tension of having to take a position in the face of discussions, family commitments, etc.

8. Taboo subjects in the intimate and sexual sphere

Although trust and intimacy are to be expected in a couple's relationship, this does not always apply to all aspects of life.The fear of talking about topics related to sexuality and nudity in front of each other can feed insecurities and the habit of avoiding certain topics.

Strategies used in couple therapy

When it comes to helping people solve this kind of conflicts, couples therapy has several resources and strategies. These are the most commonly used.

1. Use of discussion management techniques

Discussions don't have to mean fightingThey can also be a way to solve existing problems, reaching a common ground in which the interests of both parties are respected.

2. Training in assertiveness techniques

Assertiveness helps us not to leave anything important unsaid and to express how we feel whenever we feel. and to express how we feel whenever it is important, even though we know that it may upset the listener. The key is to strike a balance between defending one's own point of view and respecting and empathizing with others.

3. Use of self-records

These personal diaries of emotions serve to enhance self-knowledge and learn how to better manage one's feelings (and how to channel them).

4. Reorganization of values and priorities

To be able to organize one's thoughts and interests is key in order not to make our doubts and insecurities hinder the development of the couple's relationship, bearing in mind that there must always be a series of commitments in it.Bearing in mind that there must always be a series of commitments in the relationship.

5. Training in the expression of positive feelings

This allows that everything that makes the couple's relationship a pleasant context is manifested.It is not only important to see positive aspects in the other, but also to make it known without fear of exposing oneself in this way.

6. Detection of problematic thoughts and behaviors

By working together and individually, people are able to detect in time those recurrent behavior patterns that indicate a bad management of expectations. that indicate a poor management of expectations and perception of the other. This is very useful in cases of jealousy, for example.

Are you looking for psychological assistance to solve couple problems?

If you are interested in starting a couple therapy process, please contact us. At Psicoconsulting we work offering strategies and techniques that allow you to learn new ways of relating, communicating and managing emotions and their impact on the emotional bond and coexistence.

In addition, we work offering individualized psychotherapy to overcome problems such as anxiety disorders, low self-esteem, time management, impulse regulation, and more. You can find us in our office located in Barcelona, or take advantage of the online therapy modality we offer.

Bibliographical references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Terapia Cognitiva con parejas. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
• Mathes, E. (1991). A Cognitive Theory of Jealousy. The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy. New York: Guilford Press.
• Shackelford, T.K.; Voracek, M.; Schmitt, D.P.; Buss, D.M.; Weekes-Shackelford, V.A.; Michalski, R.L. (2004). Romantic jealousy in early adulthood and in later life. Human Nature. 15 (3): 283 - 300.