Gottman Method of Couples Therapy: characteristics and functioning.

A method of couple therapy developed to strengthen loving relationships.

Why do relationships break up? Is it possible to find a scientific method to detect factors that maintain and break up relationships? With this objective, Dr. John Gottman developed a long research in the field of love relationships, together with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.

Between the two of them, they created the Gottman Method of Couples Therapya type of couple therapy focused on helping couples resolve their conflicts and build healthier relationships. In this article we will know its characteristics and applications, as well as the 7 principles that help to maintain loving relationships.

Gottman Method of Couples Therapy: origin

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of couples therapy developed by Dr. John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.

Dr. John Gottmann, besides being a psychologist, had a background in mathematics and statistics, and was researching for more than 40 years the relationship patterns of different couples. He relied on science and statistics to try to understand something as inexact and volatile as love, but it turns out he did well.

J. Gottman's aim was to find the variables that facilitated a breakup. find the variables that facilitated a breakup, as well as the factors that favored the continuity of relationships..

7 principles of the love bond

The Gottmans worked in clinical practice with more than 3,000 couples of all types, and came up with a list of 7 principles that should govern a healthy couple relationship, in order for the relationship to be sustained over time and provide well-being to both parties.

These principles are also called The Sound Relationship Houseand represent a metaphor of building a house, alluding to the relationship, which can be house and home at the same time. These 7 principles are based on two characteristics that the partners must have: commitment and trust.

1. Respect differences

Empathy is essential to building healthy relationships.. It is therefore important for both partners to be aware of each other's preferences, respect them and be able to share those interests at certain times.

It is not necessary that both partners agree on everything, but that they listen to each other, respect each other and accept that they are different people with different concerns and needs.

2. Show affection

The second principle of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy refers to the expression of affection and admiration for the other partner. It is essential that both partners in the relationship are able to detect and appreciate each other's virtues..

3. Solving problems

It is important for the couple to acquire the necessary skills to solve their conflicts or problems. Some ideas for doing so are to gently initiate conversations that may be conflictive, as well as to try to repair behaviors that have caused harm, in order to maintain the emotional connection with the partner.

Here negotiation skills will be very important (sometimes it will be necessary to reach agreements or "pacts" with the partner, where both parties give in) and compromise skills will be very important. It will also be important to be tolerant with the other and share concerns, being the couple a "team" in this sense, seeking together the happiness of both.

4. Building love maps

The Gottmanns speak of this concept alluding to a mutual and shared awareness of each other's world; that is to say, here the important thing is that both parties know how to enter into each other's emotional world, and know each other's aspirations.and that they know their aspirations, values and hopes.

The objective is to build common paths as the process is enjoyed.

5. Express interest

It is important that both partners show interest in what the other explains. That is why sharing moments, engaging in conversations of different typeslistening skills, etc.

In this sense, an aspect that will strengthen the relationship is to express such interest and recognition towards the partner, so that he/she feels valued.

6. Managing conflicts

The Gottman Method of Couple Therapy highlights an essential difference between "resolving conflicts" and "managing conflicts", since, according to the Gottmans, therapy should focus on enhancing conflict management, not so much conflict resolution.

This is explained by the fact that conflicts will always exist in relationships, and in a way this is healthy and keeps the relationship alive. In other words, conflicts are inherent to love relationships (and all kinds of relationships). (and all types of relationships).

That is why the objective should focus on properly managing such disagreements, and not so much on making them just disappear (because that is practically impossible and unrealistic).

7. Creating a shared meaning

The last principle refers to the enrichment of the relationship, which arises as a consequence of the contributions of both partners to the relationship.

Thus, it is important that each of them give the value they deserve to all that their partner brings to the relationship. The goal is for both to find and create a shared relationship meaning, where both parties contribute and are nourished by each other's contributions..

When can therapy be applied?

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy can be applied at all stages of a relationship, from the very beginning, to educate both components of the couple in healthy relationship patterns, to conflictive stages where they haveIt can also be applied in conflictive stages where events such as infidelity have occurred.

In addition, studies that have been conducted on the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy show that this type of therapy can be effective with both heterosexual and homosexual couples, as well as with couples from different cultures, backgrounds and economic statuses.

Factors predicting divorce

But the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy does not only talk about the principles or variables that help a relationship work and last over time. It also talks about the factors that predict or explain divorces, the culminating point of the crisis.The main factors that predict or explain divorces, the culminating point of the couple's crisis in marriages.

These are: the contempt of one or both members of the couple towards the other, defensiveness, criticism towards the other (especially towards their way of being and their personality) and the impediments or refusals to interact or communicate, on the part of one or both of them.

Considerations

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of therapy based on scientific research, and on the studies developed by the Gottman couple. That is why its validity and empirical evidence are high.

However, it is important to keep in mind that that each couple will have its own characteristics, and that as therapists we should maintain a flexible approach to therapy if we decide to apply this approach. of the therapy if we decide to apply this method. That is to say, it will be convenient to adapt it to the needs of the patients in the cases that are required.

In addition, it is important to point out that in order to carry out the Gottman Method we must be properly trained in it, since it is not a type of therapy that can be applied just like that. The training will allow us to get to know the method first hand, and to acquire the necessary confidence to apply it in an individualized and adapted way in our clinical practice.