Guidelines to make your actions satisfying to you

The importance of DOING in our day-to-day emotional health.

More and more we hear people who are going through an emotional problem being advised to "get things done".

In my practice and in other areas of my life, I come across people who have been recommended the standard "do, fill your life with actions, just don't be paralyzed".

But a life with personal meaning is not about doing for the sake of doing.. It does not consist in filling the suitcase with things, in filling it with whatever or with what others consider. It consists of filling the suitcase with the things that matter to you, that represent you.

Daily dissatisfaction

Thich Nhat Hanh says: "My actions are my only true experiences".

Some people have become great "doers", so much so, that if they have nothing to do, they become anxious. Filling their days with endless tasks, but without stopping to consider whether they are actions that enrich them, that bring them closer to the life they want, that connect them to the life they want.that bring them closer to the life they want, if they are actions that connect them. They only do them in response to the rule "fill your life, do".

When the person trapped by "doing" finds himself again with himself, (there is always a moment with a gap of inaction in which the conscience takes the opportunity to show you how your life is going) it is probable that he feels a vital aftertaste of dissatisfaction, like an internal emptiness, with the feeling of not arriving, of being running without reaching, without stopping, trapped by the hurry to go nowhere.

Emotional emptiness

Viktor E. Frankl comments, "Sunday neurosis, that kind of depression that afflicts people who realize the lack of content in their lives when the rush of the busy week is over and the emptiness within them manifests itself."

I call it "the emptiness of action void of coherence." Even if the action were to coincide with the person, being outside of their intentional and conscious choice, the person is unaware of its value. And beyond the action, there is the meaning of the action, if it truly represents you.

Many "Doings" are governed by autopilot, by inertia, by haste, by escaping from a feeling, by escaping from a feeling, by escaping from a feeling, by escaping from a feeling.I am not talking about great actions, I am talking about the most important ones, I am talking about the most important ones.

I do not speak of great actions, I speak of the day to day, of the greatness that is in living, that is in the small actions of the day. Like a gesture that connects you, for example, with respect, if respect is an important value for you. That gesture can range from recycling a sheet of paper, saying thank you, treating customers kindly at work, listening without interrupting, not littering the environment... Like a kiss you give to a child looking into his eyes, attending to his face, feeling his skin and not saying "come on, hurry up" by giving him an automatic kiss empty of presence.

One could fill pages and pages with ideas; that's the thing about personal values, they are directions, and there are always ways to cultivate them. They say that in the frequent is the extraordinary, that what happens is that sometimes we do not realize it.

Actions from values

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) talks about Committed Action.: setting value-driven goals and engaging in actions to develop them. Performing actions guided by our most personal and meaningful values, actions in which we are present and engaged.

Only through actions in which we are present and connected can we establish a meaningful life.

What can we do with this doing?

Ask yourself about your values, about your coherence, about what truly matters to you .How do I want to be? Regardless of my thoughts and emotions, how do I want to be in this situation, with this person, with this event, with this place... What flavor do I want to leave?

For example: with my child, how do I want to be as a mother/father? What do I want to be at his/her side? What for? Let's say your answer is: I want to give him affection and help him to be independent and to love himself. Being aware of how you want to be, brings you closer to the compass to choose actions consistent with you.

Let's assume a day-to-day situationIf I tie her shoes in a hurry, am I helping her to be independent? If I correct her too often and tell her she is clumsy, am I helping her to love herself? And to be independent? And with me, am I getting closer to the mother/father I want to be?

But... What if I let him try to tie his shoes, dedicating a stipulated time, without haste, with license so that he can make mistakes and with the opportunity to try again, doing it with complicity and with signs of affection? Do you think that this action makes sense to you? Is it coherent with you, with your values?

The what is of great importance, but in many occasions the how is even more important.How do I want to do it? Imagine that your answer is: with love and patience. Now look within yourself, in your personal baggage you have multiple actions to choose from. Get out of the shoulds, the have to's and listen to your "want to's".

There is a significant difference between telling yourself "I should do..." "I have to..." to telling yourself "I want to do..." and listening to you. The "I want" takes you out of the crushing paralyzing demands and brings you closer to what truly matters to you, nurtures you and connects you.

Filling our life with actions that represent us.

I am a psychologist specializing in ACT, and an accredited teacher of Mindfulness by Respira Vida breathworks, in addition to directing the Purificación Estrada Center for Psychology and Mindfulness.. I also instruct mental health professionals in the acquisition of practical tools so that they can apply in therapy exercises and dynamics that lead to real solutions in the lives of their patients. My job as a therapist is to help people choose to help people connect with themselves, to help them become more free.

I am currently writing my first bookfull of experience, practice and usefulness for life. A book that helps to clarify, that does not tell you what to do, that respects you and helps you to connect or help others to connect with their values, to choose and to get closer to the person you want, that they want to be.

A book based on scientific evidence, nuanced from my own clinical and personal experience, grounded in a rigorous training, and above all a book that is being built With-Science and With-Heart. You can see my contact information by clicking here.